Already gone
by Breasts that ache with rage
Summary: Brittany's hand gripped tighter against your wrist; and now you realise what Quinn was trying to tell you. What she was trying to warn you. That it was never over. It never would be. AU Brittana.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note: This is my first fan fiction. So please be nice... Erm. This is AU Brittana. Kinda short but it was meant to be a starting point. Hope you all like it. _

Brittany walked through the frame from the living room to the dining room; dumping one by one the different letters from credit card companies, to electrical bills; until she reached the last one.

A crisp white envelope which had her name written in black ink. Brittany's slender fingers ran from the sides to the sharp corners, a sigh of relief or acknowledgement, even Brittany couldn't pinpoint at that time. But she clearly could not wait to read what was inside.

Taking her time, she slipped her forefinger underneath the lid; before sliding it across. She then took out the folded white paper; as the envelope fell to the wooden table.

Unfolding it, Brittany took a sharp intake at the oh so familiar writing; as if preparing herself for the unknown.

23rd July 2022

_Dear my love, _

_ I was in work, trying to figure out when our lives fell apart so out of sync. I know that we are forever. We are forever, B._

_I guess time wasn't on our side. You needed things... which you couldn't find in me. I don't hold any hostility to you. Just love. Pure love. I know that you wanted me back before... but I wasn't ready. _

_I am now. _

_There's nothing in this world that can compare to the feelings I have for you. Britt, you're not trying to be perfect; but you're so perfect to me. _

_I've been trying to tell you how I feel. I've been running away from myself, because I was in too deep. Too deep in love with you... that nothing has ever compared to you. And nothing ever will. _

_This is why I'm asking you to give me one last chance. Meet me tomorrow at cresent Garden. At our bench. At 1pm. _

_I'll be waiting just like always. _

_Yours, so ever faithfully._

_Santana. _

_P.s If by some chance you don't love me anymore; Do not bother to come or contact me again. At least give me that ounce of respect._

A warmth of need filled Brittany's body, spreading out her veins like blood. She could not even bare to describe how long she had waited for this letter. For this chance. For Santana to give her that chance.

Holding the letter close to her chest; she looked around the barely furnished house; and let the first of many sobs come out. This wasn't the start of some love story but the ending.

Their love story at already begun. It had begun in college. And after college. When real life started; and that's when everything began to happen.


	2. Midnight blues

_Thanks for all the follows and favourites. It means a lot. :) I am looking for a beta... so just message me if you wanna help. Enjoy :)_

3rd November 2018

Brittany lifted the tray up from the plastic table she had just cleaned; barely glancing around at the not so busy cafe. She walked towards the counter and passed the tray to her fellow worker, Marley. A pretty young thing who had barely passed high school, due to her needed desire for security which everyone seemed to fail to notice.

Brittany thumbed her notepad; before plating up another tray with table number 23's order. After placing a cup of tea, with a dash of milk and lemon. She walked over and placed it down.

"Thanks, Miss..." A smooth southern voice started, before hazel eyes ran from Brittany's face down to her badge; "Brittany..."

Brittany flashed him a small smile before turning to walk away; when warm fingers wrapped around her wrist.

"Sorry... Can I have the check, please?" He asked, letting his free hand pick up his cup to take a long sip.

"Sure... I'll bring it over." Brittany said, turning around and walking to the counter.

"My name's Sam, by the way. Sam Evans." He called as she grabbed the small slip of check.

She nodded and placed it beside his table; "Anything else, Sam?"

Sam grinned; and leaned forward, he took a few seconds before passing her the check and the money to pay for it; "Give me a call. You never know when you'll need a plumber."

Brittany looked down at the digits Sam had scribbled across the check; but before she could talk to him; Sam was walking out of the entrance door.

Brittany couldn't even remember slipping the check into her back pocket as she opened the cash register to place the money inside.

I guess you could say that's when it started. That's when everything was going wrong, but it hadn't, not yet.

Brittany walked home after an 8 hour shift; opening the front door the smell of curry went straight up her nose. Making a small smile appear on her face as Santana was bounded to be cooking something great. That or she ordered take out again.

Slipping her worn jacket onto a hanging peg; she felt warm hands wrapped around her waist; as a lingering kiss was placed against her neck; "Hi."

"I'm glad you're home." She replied, kissing the back of Brittany's neck, just at the point when it becomes your upper back.

"What you cooking, baby?" Brittany asked, turning round to peck her wife's lips

"A curry. I thought we could try..." Santana mused, as she softly began to tug the blouse from Brittany's pants; "See if I'm improving... in the cookery department."

Brittayn let out a small giggle as she stops Santana's hands from slipping down her pants; "You're already a great cook down there..."

Santana leaned forward to kiss Brittany's lips once more; "It'll be ready in twenty minutes... Go take a shower."

"Thanks." Brittany whispered, as she brushed passed her, to go upstairs and into their bedroom. Closing the door, she undresses quickly, and surprises herself by taking her clothes to the washing basket they have by the bathroom. It reminds them to take them down stairs to wash.

A slip of paper fell to the floor; and Brittany huffed loudly as she leaned down to pick it up. Recognisation appeared on her face as she runs her eyes over the firm written digits.

"What's that?" Santana's warm voice snapped her from her gaze; scrunching it into a ball, Brittany shook her head quickly.

"Nothing, just a check from work." Brittany replied before dumping her clothes in the basket and throwed the ball into the rubbish bin; "Did you need something?"

Santana smirked softly; "I was gonna help you wash... your back."

Brittany doesn't reply as Santana was already kissing her deeply by that point. Barely within minutes, Santana is naked and pressed up against Brittany underneath the blazing warm shower of water as three fingers are pumping inside Brittany as a pace Santana's arm is burning with exertion.

It's worth it as Brittany cries out Santana's name with a loud moan; her hips jerk lightly and ever so softly as Santana's fingers continued to ease her down. Her body is glowing and as her wife presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, Brittany doesn't know why her mind is still on the number left on that check.

Silver forks scrapping along cream coloured plates. The bright coloured curry sauce being smeared along as they eat in relative silence, not uncomfortable but not necessarily needed.

"How was work?" Brittany asked, looking up at Santana who was already looking over at her. The action causes a pink tint to appear on the apples of Brittany's cheek, Santana doesn't say anythng about it.

"It was fun. I'm having my picture taken for the paper. Apparently since its the first story that I've done alone. It requires it." Santana said, gently pushing her plate away as she leaned forward on her elbows to sip from her glass.

"That's awesome, honey." Brittany replied, wiping her mouth with the napkin beside her wine glass; "When is this happening then?"

"Tomorrow or thursday. Since Mark's cousin... twice removed... is a wedding photographer. So she's doing it for a favour to his family. I don't know. I just know that it'll help with getting more opportunities to write." Santana said, her excitement was clearly evident.

"I'm so happy for you." Brittany said, as she stood up to take their plates into the kitchen, Santana followed, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist as she cleans the dishes; "Are you working on Sunday because we have the dinner for Tina's job."

"I'm not working." Santana answered before soft and wet kisses along Brittany's neck and shoulders; "How long's it gonna be on for?"

"A few hours." She replied, switching the tap off before drying her hands on a kitchen towel; she turned around to meet Santana's comfortable expression; "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure..." Santana said, following Brittany to the living room to watch a movie. Brittany cuddled closely to her wife; hugging her petite body as her more slender ones; she could feel Santana's heart beat through her chest; gently running her fingernails down her arm, she watched as onscreen a cold killer tried to run away, and her wife tried to resist falling asleep.

"Bedtime." Brittany whispered, kissing Santana's cheek.

With a lazy groan, Santana helped switch the lights and tv out before they both made their way upstairs. The comfort of their big bed waiting fo them. As soon as Santana climbed in next to Brittany, she was out like a light. Brittany's cat like peepers were firmly locked on their rubbish bin. It was practically calling out for her.

"What's on your mind?" Santana asked

Brittany snapped her eyes from the plastic bin to chocolate coloured eyes peering up at her; "Nothing."

"You're not sleeping... Which means something is." Santana said softly, shifting so she moved from her position of lying half on, half off Brittany.

Brittany glanced back at Santana before grabbing her phone and treading to the bin; she bent down and patted for a scrunched up ball of paper. Within seconds her hand found it; she undid it; and typed the numbers into her phone.

_This is Brittany from the cafe. This is Sam right? - Brittany._

With that message sent, Brittany locked her phone and placed on the beside table; lying back against her pillow. She breathed a sigh of relief, her clouded mind was now clear.

If only until a warm hand glided along her seam of the hem of her t-shirt, feeling her toned stomach muscles underneath the material. A head rested against her chest; "I'm glad you're tired now."

Brittany smiled, letting her fingers scratch against her scalp as if that was all the answer she could need as a response.


	3. Just like that

_Thanks to Spaceship Coupe, sprkswillfly4always and definitelyalopez for the reviews :) _

_To clarify Brittany has not cheated. All she has done so far is had a pleasure meeting with Sam._

_ with the next chapter. Hope you Enjoy. _

4th November 2018

Texts are wierd.

Message sent by your phone in seconds to someone else's. That can be short, long. Filled with love declarations sent to inspire you with only a moments of love which can last until you see them again. Or hate filled with remarks and insults which could even the more confident person battling to not cry.

And at the press of a button, they can be deleted. Instantly deleted, never to be seen again. They can be a snap of fantasy or a fragment of reality.

Brittany thumbed the button again, deleting yet another message. It had barely been 10 hours since she had messaged Sam. And yet her phone was reaching its maximum of texts allowed.

As she scrolled down.

_Baby, I'm back for dinner. Love you so much - Your Ana_

Sent 22/08/2018

Deleted.

Brittany smiled as Sam's name popped up on one new message. She had learned so much since this morning.

Like that Sam was a real plumber. Since he had failed high school like her, he couldn't get into college; so he worked with one of his father's friends and within three years, he knew everything to know about plumbing.

And he had a wife called Quinn. She was apparently blonde, beautiful, and completely out of his league. She also wasn't paying any attention to him at the moment. Given as they had suffered a miscarriage in May of this could easily understand why they were not as happy as previous. Losing a child that you both wanted would be tough to handle.

Sam had a puppy called Max though. It was a Labrador cross. Only six months so barely a baby. He had sent her a few pictures of him playing which only made Brittany melt at the image of the cute puppy.

As Brittany finished her last hour of her shift; she quickly grabbed her jacket and bag; and walked out. Clicking on her messages, she let out a loud laugh. A picture of a drenched Sam sent to her. Written underneath

_My puppy decided bath time was now - Sam._

Before Brittany could type out a reply; lilies were placed in front of her; the warm scent of them and the intoxicating Chanel perfume she was all too familiar with.

"These are for you, baby." Santana whispered, leaning in to place a kiss upon Brittany's pale pink lips.

A thank you was murmured during their kiss. Brittany took the flowers and let her nose press against one of the petals; taking it the sweet smell; "Thank you. They're beautiful."

"So can I take you to dinner, baby?" Santana asked, letting her thumb rub against the small silver of skin available as her blouse had come undone from her pants.

"Sure..." Brittany replied, smiling softly as Santana lips pressed against her cheek lightly.

"I've made us plans at Ming's... It's a Chinese restaurant." Santana said, lacing their fingers together; she walked with Brittany towards her vehicle.

"Sounds good." Brittany murmured as she climbed into the white SUV; she clipped her seat belt into its holder; "What time are the reservations?"

Santana turned to Brittany as she pulled out of her parking space; "In around ten minutes..."

Brittany released a deep sigh, Santana took a pointed glance at Brittany's stressed features, the cluster of frown lines at the centre of her forehead. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth, as she debated whether to just drive home and let Brittany rest.

"Are you okay? We can just go home if you want." Santana offered, letting her pointer finger scratch against the rubber of the steering wheel.

"No... We should go. It'll be fun." Brittany said, mustering a small smile as she covered Santana's hand which was resting on her lower thigh.

"Okay... if you're sure." Santana replied, turning the steering wheel right, as she drove into the Ming's free customer parking area; "Here we are."

Brittany grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car, slamming her door behind her. Santana grabbed her purse and followed Brittany towards the entrance door. They were then taken to their seats.

"We'll start with water for me..." Santana said; "baby, do you want red wine?"

Brittany looked from her phone to Santana's eyes; "What?"

Santana quickly glanced from Brittany to the waiter; "Do you want wine or"

"Red would be great thanks." Brittany said, as her head lowered to continued typing on her phone.

The waiter smiled softly as he turned and walked away to prepare their drinks. Santana glanced from her menu to Brittany's rapid pressing fingers.

"Britt, can you... stop that?" Santana asked, placing her menu down; and meeting Brittany's confused expression.

Brittany released a deep sigh; as she dumped her phone into her inside pocket of her jacket; "I don't see what the big deal is. We're not even giving our order yet."

"Well, I hate silence, you know that." Santana replied, with a small smile

Brittany licked her lips; but remained silent. Santana shifted forward and placed her hand on top of Brittany's which was resting on side.

"Things are improving at work. I've already got a new assignment." Santana said, letting her fingers trace the back of Brittany's hand.

"Sounds good." Brittany said, as a small vibration sounded from her pocket; she sent Santana a sympathetic smile before pulling her hand away to tug out her phone out.

As Brittany's phone continued to sound out throughout the dinner, defeating any attempt at Santana or Brittany to talk. They arrived back home at just after 8, Santana went directly to the shower as Brittany unchanged and climbed into bed.

Santana walked out in just a towel, the sound of Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games was blaring out of their tv. She met the sight of Brittany lying against the pillow, with her phone in between her hands.

"Who are you texting?" Santana asked, slipping on a pair of black panties

"Oh... Just Marley." Brittany said

Santana tugged the towel away from her body; she stretched her arms back to clip her bra on; "What about?"

Brittany glanced up at Santana who was rooting through their drawers; "Just work... and stuff."

"Is she still with Jake?" Santana asked, as she tugged the t-shirt on; and walked towards the bed.

"Yeah." Brittany murmured, turning her phone off and placing it on the side; she shuffled closer to Santana who was switching her lamp off; "How was your shower?"

"Fine." Santana said

Brittany leaned down and kissed Santana's neck; "Shall we sleep?"

Santana nodded and leaned forward to switch the tv off; they both shifted until they were cuddling each other. Silence filled their bedroom as they let darkness take out.

After a few minutes, Santana shifted against Brittany's hold, brushing her fingers against her forehead. Releasing a small sigh, "Britt?"

Brittany's eyes opened, albeit slowly; "Is something wrong?"

"You'd tell me... if you were bored... with us, right?" Santana asked, softly, her fingers continued to brush against Brittany's forehead, removing her fringe from her eyes; "I know... we don't have fun, like we used to... Just tell me if something's wrong."

Brittany opened her mouth to speak when Santana covered it with her palm.

"I love you so much... and I know I don't show it enough." Santana said, with a small frown etched across her forehead; she removed her hand; and gently leaned in, and pressed her lips against Brittany's.

"I love you too." Brittany whispered, pulling Santana closer; "You don't have to worry about us. We're perfect."

Santana nodded, leaning down so her head was resting on Brittany's chest; her fingers stroking along Brittany's arm, tickling from her bicep to her wrist.

"Okay..." Santana murmured, before closing her eyes.

Brittany leaned down and kissed Santana's forehead lightly; "Goodnight, baby."


	4. Time is only what we have

_Thanks for all the reviews :) SpokenWords07, Spaceship Coupe, definitelyalopez, Kelly and guest. _

_definitelyalopez - Well I supposed emotionally she could be cheating on Santana. Sorry, if you don't understand. Message me, I can explain anything which is confusing you. I'm working on making longer chapters; it's just hard without any help :) I'll chapter 5 longer for you. _

5th November 2018

The dark reflects the negative emotions within people's lives. How they're struggling to survive, struggling to live in the way that people seem to do every day without fault; only a slight hiccup every now and then.

Quinn used to catergorise people in to two catergories; those who can handle everything life throws at you and those who unfortunantly can't.

Quinn clearly placed herself in the 'Can't' catergory; while Sam was firmly in the 'Can'catergory.

Photography used to be Quinn's way of escaping after a miscarriage during her junior year to her then boyfriend. As her father blamed her for the shame of having a pregnant daughter but also for having an miscarriage.

The way she could capture a image in such a way that it inspired Quinn to pursue it as a career. She went to college, Yale and studied English Literature. She loved it. The way writers and poets used words to evoke emotions; in the same way Quinn used her camera to evoke the same emotions.

Her marriage to Samuel Evans happened straight after college. They were so happy and in love until the miscarriage in May. It was like history repeating its self and so she went into herself.

Taking soft steps towards her studio; she clicked her film into her camera; "Miss Lopez, are you ready?"

"It's Mrs Pierce. Lopez is my writing name." Santana said, looking at Quinn from her position on the stool.

"Oh... My fault." Quinn said, connecting the camera onto a stand; "Are you ready?"

Santana nodded

Quinn sent her a soft smile before looking into the camera; she began taking several pictures of Santana. She walked towards Santana, moving a strand of hair from her face.

"Do you wanna try some without your jacket on?" Quinn asked, walking back towards her camera

Santana stood up and tugged her jacket off; she placed it against the arm of the couch. Quinn turned to watched as Santana slipped her fingers in between the hem of her skirt, and tuck her crisp white blouse into her skirt. The way her blouse hugged her torso in a way which emphasised her rather noticable swell of her chest.

Shaking her head, Quinn clicked her tongue against teeth; "Ready?"

Santana smiled softly; "Sure..."

Santana perched herself on the stool; turning slightly to the right to look at Quinn who was smiling softly, her finger pressing against the button rapidly taking picturing.

"So this is for an article?" Quinn asked, looking from the image on the camera to Santana who was nodding.

"Yeah... I did a comparison on the homelessness during this century and in the last 50 years." Santana said; "It'll be in the newspaper on Monday."

"I'll make sure I'll read it." Quinn said, with a hint of a smile; as she pulled the camera off the stand, she turned and walked towards her light coloured wooden desk where her laptop was resting on top; "I'll make you a copy of all these... Is that okay?"

"Sure." Santana said, wiping her hands down her thighs; she looked from Quinn to her laptop; "Can I smoke?"

Quinn stifled a laugh as she clicked onto her laptop; "Sure."

Santana stood up; and pulled a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket; "Do you smoke?"

Quinn shrugged half-heartedly and Santana nodded silently, slipping the butt of a cigarette in between her lips. She turned and looked around the large space, several colourful pictures were hung up against the cream coloured walls. Four identical vases were placed in each of the corners of the room; filled with warm pink lilies.

Santana laughed internally at the cleanliness of the room. The whole room was totally nude of any dirt or colour except for the pictures and flowers. Santana turned to glance at Quinn who was sitting down in front of her laptop; she began clicking as she copied them onto the memory stick of Santana's; "Shall I sent them to Mark?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll want them…" Santana said, brushing it off with a quick wave of her hand as she leaned back further against the cream leather couch; she stood up and took a leisurely walk around the room. Stopping beside a small but spacious table, she picked up a picture frame, where two smiling blondes were smiling together; "Is this your husband?"

Quinn turned round, with a slight surprised expression; before a warmth of familiarity appeared across her expression; "Yeah... Sam."

Santana licked her lips; placing the photo frame down into its original position; "You suit each other..." she commented with a slight dry laugh.

Quinn laughed; "Yeah, it's the blonde thing… Makes people nervous."

Santana smirked; and took a quick inhale of her cigarette; walking back towards her spot where an ash tray was resting beside a tall lamp.

"Are you married?" Quinn asked, as she tugged the memory stick out of her laptop; she turned round to meet Santana's soft expression.

"Yeah..." Santana said with a light tone. She leaned down and stubbed out her cigarette out; she then stepped forward and grabbed the memory stick; "Thank you for this."

Quinn laughed; "It's fine. Just a family favour."

Santana nodded; "Thanks anyway... I should go."

Quinn brushed her hair behind her ear; stepping back and walking towards her stand; she closed it up and let it rest against the wall; "Mark has my number if you need any wedding or funeral photos being taken..."

Santana laughed, folding the collar down on her jacket; "I'll be sure that you'll have any future business on that front."

Quinn nodded; and waved lightly as Santana walked to the front door.

Santana walked down the steps from the front door; turning to walk towards her vehicle; she began calling Brittany.

"Honey?" Santana asked softly after hearing the click on the other side of the phone of someone answering.

"San, I'm working." Brittany said with a loud huff

Santana could easily detected the exhaustion within her tone; she immediately felt bad for bothering; "Oh... you should go then."

"What did you want?" Brittany asked much softer than before

Santana shook her head lightly, clearing her throat; "A talk with my wife... but you're busy."

After hearing no hint of a response from Brittany, Santana hung up. Putting her phone away; and she climbed into her car; and set drive to her work place.

Brittany placed her phone down; after hearing the click from Santana. Her head falling a little lower as she sighed deeply.

"Working?" Sam asked, taking a sip from his cup of hot chocolate, he leaned back to rest against the back of the chair, wiping a smudge of chocolate off his upper lip.

Brittany glanced up at from his top lip to his face; "She's... late for work anyway. I didn't wanna keep her. So how's Max anyway?"

"He's good. I'm training him at the moment. He can sit and stop." Sam said, placing his cup down; he wiped his lips with his sleeve as he shifted forward until he was resting on his elbows; "What time does she come home?"

"Can we not talk about her?" Brittany asked, running her fingers through her hair, slightly tugging on the ends; "I don't wanna talk about her."

Sam cleared his throat; glancing from Brittany to the small clock upon the kitchen wall; "Sorry, I just thought... Well, I should go anyway. I've got a job to do in Brooklyn in twenty minutes."

Brittany nodded; "Well, thanks for coming over. I had fun."

Sam grinned; "Me too. Thanks for lunch. You're a great cook."

Brittany blushed softly from his compliment; "I'll walk you to the door."

Sam stood up and followed after Brittany towards the front door. She unlocked it; and opened it.

"I'll see you soon... or I'll talk to you later." Sam said, tugging on his jacket, and sending the blonde a warm grin.

"That sounds great." Brittany said, wrapping her fingers round the cool steel handle.

Sam smiled sweetly and leaned in slightly. His rather muscly arms wrapping around Brittany's waist as he pulled her into a tight hug. Sam pulled away, only to skim his lips against the apple of her left cheek lightly, causing Brittany to momentarily stiffen against the door but also within Sam's arms.

"See you, Britt." Sam murmured before slipping out of the door.

Brittany quickly closed it; flicking the lock on before walking back towards the kitchen.

"Just a kiss on the cheek. It's nothing." Brittany mumbled as she began washing up the plates and cups; trying to ignore the feeling of Sam's lips against her cheek; and the blush which was appearing across her face because of that feeling.

Brittany wiped a clean towel across the kitchen table, cleaning up any mess which she or Sam had caused; then she dried all the plates and cups and placed them back in the kitchen cupboard. Afterwards, she took a seat on the couch, and leaned forward to switch on the television.

After a few minutes, Brittany felt awkward as she felt herself try to bury herself into the reality program which was currently playing onscreen. She rubbed her hands up and down her thighs before checking the time. Santana was normally back at 6 pm so she decided to take a bath and then prepare dinner.

Brittany walked downstairs at around quarter passed 5, her hair slightly damp from her bath. She walked into the kitchen to make a start on dinner.

As the clock ticked onto half 8, Santana closed her laptop and slipped from her chair. Standing up, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; as she leaned up to tug her jacket on as she moved towards her office door.

Santana arrived at her vehicle a few minutes later, she climbed inside and began driving home. She parked in the driveway about ten minutes later; before climbing out of the car. She picked up her bag, before walking towards the front door.

Brittany stood up from the couch, switching the tv off; she met Santana by the door frame leaning into the living room.

"Where have you been?" Brittany asked, rubbing her hand up and down her arm.

"Work... Didn't you get my message or were you too busy to open your phone?" Santana asked in a rhetorical tone; as she brushed passed her towards the kitchen, she placed her bag on one of the chair before opening the fridge.

Brittany ran her fingers through her fringe; "My phone's on silent... I'm sorry. Your dinner's in the microwave. I didn't know when you'd be back or I'd have waited."

Santana turned the microwave on to 5 minutes; before turning round to meet Brittany; "It's fine. I should have called you until you answered."

Brittany nodded; "It's my fault. My phone will be on loud all the time."

"Baby, it's fine... You were at work all day. I shouldn't be calling you at work." Santana said, as she wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist; leaning down to press small kisses along her neck until she reached her ear; "I should go shower..."

Santana ran her fingers until they tugged on the edge of her t-shirt, she let her fingernails tickle the skin just above her bikini line; "Wanna join me?"

Brittany bit her bottom lip; lifting her fingers so they brushed Santana's fringe from her eyes, pushing her head towards the right slighty; "Maybe later... I'll prepare your meal. Come down soon."

"Okay... You're missing out... My fingers are doing some serious magic today if my writing anything to go by." Santana said, as she walked off towards the stairs.

Brittany released a shaky breath as her eyes fell on a brown wallet. Sam's brown wallet.


	5. Little white lies

_Thanks to jrzygurl89, missingviolet, Spaceship Coupe and Jenny. _

_Spaceship Coupe: Wait and see..._

_missingviolet: She could be... All depends on what you believe cheating is._

_Jenny: Wait :)_

_Guest: I'm sorry if its similar to the movie Closer in any way... It wasn't meant to be._

_Enjoy the chapter :) _

7th November 2018

Brittany wasn't due in work until Friday, so she had waited until Santana had left for work before she called Sam explaining that he had somehow left his wallet in her kitchen. He agreed that he could come on Thursday since she was free all day.

Brittany was worried that being around Sam alone at her house might result in trouble, especially given the kiss on the cheek last time. So to ensure nothing could happen she decided to invite him to the café on Friday; she was supposed to work at 12 anyway, so it was the simplest solution and less risky; who knows if he left something else; and this time Santana actually saw it.

How would she explain that to Santana? Some guy who she met at work, who was possibly flirting with her; and she began to do the same in return, had come round for a quick lunch which she had lied to Santana about; saying she was in work when she clearly wasn't. He then left his wallet before kissing her cheek and making her feel totally renewed for the first time in months.

She could already picture the look of utter heart break but also disappointment written across her wife's face. She would be too judgemental, about their friendship.

There was nothing against having a friend. Just someone that was just her friend. Not her and Santana's. Just hers.

Was it wrong to keep it a secret?

Would Santana be jealous or concerned because her friend was male; and she would perceive their friendship as a threat? Brittany dismissed that as she was friends with Jake, Mike and Noah. They were male, and not a threat.

Maybe she was just overthinking it. Santana had never showed any sides of jealousy for years. Only in college but both of them were slightly jealous during that time.

Brittany knew Santana would automatically assume the worst when all they had done was talked. Nothing which she hadn't done with half the customers at the café.

One of Santana's faults was that she got jealous too easily. She would assume the worst before even confirming that it actually had happened.

Brittany grinned brightly as she tucked her blouse into her skirt; before leaning forward to push through the café doors; at Sam who was sat upon a stool against the counter.

"Hey…" Brittany said, letting her eyes run down his toned frame, even in his white t-shirt with a green and yellow checked shirt over it; his baggy denim hanging low on his hips, he always looked good.

"Hey good lookin..." Sam said in an overly southern accent, pretending to tip his cowboy hat, as he sent her a wink; "Have my wallet? I need to buy an early lunch."

Brittany lightly palmed her forehead; "Sorry… Completely forgot…"

Sam laughed softly; "It's fine."

Brittany pulled out his brown wallet and placed it in his palm; "Since I'm working now. What can I get you?"

Sam hummed as if in thought as he watched Brittany tug her jacket and bag off, before placing them underneath the counter; "I'll have some grilled cheese… from my favourite waitress."

Brittany blushed softly; before turning round and buttering up two slices of bread before sprinkling grated cheese on top, she placed them together before placing them underneath the grill.

"That should be a few minutes…" Brittany said; "Do you want a drink?"

Sam nodded, licking his lips as he watched her, he then cleared his throat; before pointing at the coke machine beside her.

"Just a small glass." Sam added, as he brushed his fingers through his fringe, brushing it out of his eyes.

Brittany nodded with a small smile; she lifted up the tab, letting a stream of coke into the glass. She flicked it off; and turned round, placing it in front of Sam.

"You get free refills if you want…" Brittany said, as she began cleaning several dishes in the washing pot.

"So you from the big apple or?" Sam asked

"LA, born and raised… until college." Brittany replied, over her shoulder, as she grabbed a drying towel; and began drying all the newly washed dishes; "What about you?"

"Texas born… Then Ohio." Sam said; "I met my wife when she was back from college… we clicked and I followed her out here."

Brittany smiled softly, stacking up the cleaned dishes; "I followed… Santana out here too."

"Well, I wanted to go." Brittany said; running her fingers through her hair, she leaned against the counter; lifting her eyes to Sam's; "It's just home's home, right?" she added in a softer tone.

Sam nodded slowly; "I get you… We used to go home all the time… now it's barely once year."

"Santana's the same. We never go to her parents or mine. We never even talk about going anymore." Brittany replied, turning to take his sandwich off the grill; she put it on a plate before placing it in front of him.

Sam grinned happily; "That looks delicious."

Brittany laughed; "I made it, of course it is."

Sam picked it up and took a large bite of it; a string of cheese dripped from his lips down his chin; "Woah…" Sam said, placing it down.

Brittany leaned forward, and ran her thumb against his chin lightly, removing any cheese; "Sorry, it's messy."

Sam grinned, lifting his hand to touch Brittany's; his fingers ran down the back of her hand. Brittany stared straight at him, barely recognising his hand on top of hers.

"Brittany, tables!" Marley called, breaking Brittany from her haze with Sam; she quickly pulled her hand away, wiping them against the towel around her waist.

Brittany bit her lip in embarrassment, she looked away from Sam; "I should go do that."

Sam nodded; and Brittany pulled the towel which was slipped in between her apron; and walked around the counter, towards the tables which were in need of clearing up.

Sam ate his meal in silent as he took long glances at Brittany who was busy cleaning tables and collecting dishes to stop for another conversation.

Sam placed a few dollars beside his empty plate before standing up and walking over towards Brittany, he tapped her waist to gain her attention; "Britt… I'm gonna leave now."

"Oh… Bye Sam. See you soon." Brittany said

"Are you free Saturday? I'm taking Max to the park." Sam asked, brushing his fringe with his fingers, so it was out of his eyes.

"Erm… I should be. Text me, where and when." Brittany said, taking a tray load of dishes from a busy Marley.

Sam nodded understanding her; he leaned forward and gently brushed her blonde fringe which had fallen forward behind her ear; "You really are beautiful, Brittany. See you tomorrow."

Brittany blushed once more as she smiled until Sam was out of his sight; she then walked towards the washing pot and began cleaning the dishes.

"Brittany, who is that guy?" Marley asked tapping Brittany's arm; before returning back to her task of mixing the pancake mixture in her bowl.

"Erm… Just a friend." Brittany replied, with a small smile

Marley simply responses with a soft sigh, along with a quick shake of her head before turning around and moving back towards the cooker.

Brittany hates that kind of response, the one where you know they disagree with you; and yet, they say nothing to you. In a way, it doesn't provide any way of helping you. It doesn't tell you what they wanted to say, or what they didn't want to say.

Brittany completes her shift at half 6. She tugs her jacket and bag on; before walking out of the café, slipping her phone out.

_Prospect Park, 11am? – Sam_

Brittany smiled at the message, it seemed careless and fun to hang out with Sam; he was fun. He seemed genuinely a nice guy who was going through some tough times. He didn't seem like a bad guy, if he was wouldn't he have done something bad by now.

_Sounds fun. I'll bring a toy for Max. See you soon. – Britt_

Brittany arrived home, she slammed the door behind her before hanging up her jacket and bag. She walked into the kitchen, and began pouring herself some coffee; as she took a seat around the table.

_Oh, you don't have to. I've got too many. Just bring your beautiful self – Sam_

Brittany giggled slightly at Sam's playfulness, taking a small sip of her coffee; she leaned on her forearms, thinking about how to reply; what to say to Sam.

"Britt, thank god… You're home. I had the worst day ever. My car broke down. I got heckled by a group of 6 year olds and then… Mark kicks me off my story." Santana said in a rush way as she settled down beside Brittany, who looked shocked by Santana's sudden arrival.

"I- W-When did you get home?" Brittany asked, stuttering slightly from the surprise.

Santana frowned, with Brittany's cup against her lips; she swallowed thickly; and placed the cup down in front of her; "That's the first question you ask. Britt, my car is broke, I'm out of a job after I bragged to everyone for the past month…"

Brittany looked from her blacked out screen of her phone to Santana; "San, no one-"

"And everyone's gonna think I lied… I've been there for so long." Santana added, as she rested her head between her hands, releasing a deep sigh.

"We can fix the car, San. And who cares what people say about the job… It's not your fault he took it off you." Brittany said, rubbing Santana's back trying to soothe her

"He actually said that he never said it was mine. Which is a damn lie because he promised..." Santana mumbled, turning to bury her face against Brittany's neck; she let her fingertips tickle against the back of her neck; "I hate fucking liars… I fucking hate Mark."

Brittany shifted closer to Santana; letting her fingers stroke the bottom of her neck, scratching slightly at the hair too short to reach her high pony; she released a shaky breath, before pressing her pale pink lips against the skin just underneath her ear; "We'll work it out together."

Santana made a humming noise from the base of her throat, as she tightened her hold around Brittany; "I just feel really shitty…"

"Well, I can make you feel better." Brittany said, leaning backwards, to cup Santana's cheek. She let her fingers stroke up and down the length of Santana's jawline, then she leaned back in and pecked Santana's full lips; "Come on, I'll run you a bath and make your favourite food."

Santana shook her head, with a soft expression; "Britt, I'm just… I'm really tired. Do you mind if I just go to sleep?"

Brittany looked from Santana to the table before nodding, with a small smile; "Sure, San… Whatever makes you feel better."

"You could join me… If only for a little while." Santana suggested, standing up from the chair, she rested her weight on the back of Brittany's chair; her fingers squeezing the space between Brittany's neck and shoulder.

"I'm not that tired, San. I'll make dinner... I'll call Mike, and see if he can come round to fix your car. Did you get towed back?" Brittany asked

Santana nodded; "I'm free tomorrow. I invited Jake round for lunch with Marely… So we should go shopping tomorrow morning."

Brittany's expression changed; and she nodded lightly; "Sounds fun."

Santana leaned down and pressed a feather light kiss against her neck, just where her pulse point was; her pouty lips began pressing firmer against the spot; "You should ask Mike if he and Tina wanna come to lunch too… We can have a couples lunch."

"Sure. I'll ask." Brittany said

Santana pressed another kiss, closer to the underside of Brittany's jaw than neck for longer this time; she leaned back to let out a small yawn, before twisting so her lips could reach her cheek; "Thank you, baby… I'll see you in bed, huh?"

Brittany nodded; "Night baby, I'll see you in bed…"

"I love you…" Santana murmured, as she gently let her palm rub against Brittany's back for a few seconds; she then turned and walked upstairs towards their bedroom.

Brittany let out a huge sigh, at the frustration which was unexpectedly running through her body. She stood up, picking up her phone; she began texting Sam back; when she decided that she should probably call Mike first.

"Chang." Mike answered politely

"Hey, Mike." Brittany replied smoothly

"Oh, hey Britt…" Mike responded

Brittany leaned against the kitchen counter, letting her fingers scratch against the marble counter; "Could you do us a favour tomorrow?"

"Dancing favour or-" Mike started to ask

"Santana's car has broken… We can't afford a mechanic; so we were wondering if you could fix it." Brittany asked

Mike hummed; "I'll come round tomorrow; and take a look at it."

"Great… Well, you and Tina are invited to lunch at ours tomorrow if you want… Probably at 1…" Brittany said

"I'm sure we'll be there. We'll be early so I can check the car." Mike said

Brittany hummed softly; "Okay, see you then."

Mike cleared his throat; "See you tomorrow."

Brittany hung up the phone; she took a deep breath and went down to Sam's contact.

_Something's came up. Can't come tomorrow. Santana planned a lunch with friends instead. – Brittany_

_Maybe another time - Sam_

Brittany placed her phone down, she turned and began making herself a simple turkey sandwich. She grabbed her phone again and began walking upstairs.

She opened their bedroom door, eating quietly as she unchanged into a pair of short shorts and vest. She placed her phone beside her side of the bed, she then climbed in beside an already sleeping Santana.

Santana was lying on her stomach, totally bare except for wearing a pair of white French knickers. Brittany let her fingers feel the smooth silk material, before she tugged the red coloured bed sheets up over her behind, up to her lower back.

Brittany leaned back on her elbow as she gently ran her fingers up and down Santana's back; over the expanse of smooth caramel skin which was available.

"Things are different, San. I met someone. Not like that… He's not like that. We're just friends." Brittany said softly, as she brushed Santana's hair off her back, leaving pure skin for the touch; "I should have told you when I met him a few days ago… I just felt happy to have something of mine. Everything is either yours or ours. I have nothing which is just mine."

Brittany leaned down and pressed her lips to the curve of Santana's shoulder where a small scar was place from Santana's high school years as a cheerleader; "I have fun with him. He doesn't make me feel stupid or unwanted… I know you think things are great between us… but I guess they aren't… not anymore."

Santana let out a small murmur as she gripped tighter on the bed sheets; Brittany moved so her fingers brushed against the side of Santana's face which were available.

"Night, baby…" Brittany whispered, leaning down to kiss her temple; she shifted closer to Santana; wrapping her arm around her waist. She watched Santana sleep for a few minutes, and then leaned up to press a kiss to Santana's smooth forehead; "Things… they will be okay."


	6. All the things you say

_Chapter 6 is split into two parts. I didn't want to leave it as a whole chapter. _

_Thanks to Spaceship Coupe, jrzygurl89, guest, and guest21._

_Spaceship coupe - Thank you :) _

_jrzygurl89 - I know where you're coming from. I'm writing it; and I don't want them too either._

_Guest - Brittany should :) I know, a lot of people can't forgive and forget._

_Thanks for the attention to this story. I hope people like this chapter. I am dubious about the reaction to it._

8th November 2018

Brittany woke up to the sound of loud laughter. She climbed out of bed, and walked downstairs, she found the living room and kitchen empty. Clicking her tongue against her roof of her mouth.

"Where is she?" Brittany mumbled, before hearing laughter once again. She turned and met sight of raven hair blowing outside.

Brittany opened the front door and saw Santana leaning against her vehicle; she saw someone bent over, their head and torso underneath the top of the car, where the engine was.

"Morning honey." Santana said softly, walking towards Brittany, she wrapped her arms around her waist, pressing her lips to Brittany's lingeringly; only stopping when Brittany pulled away.

"Hey… Is your car fixed?" Brittany asked, feeling Santana's hands trail along the back of her thighs.

"There's a reason we call this short shorts." Santana whispered, against Brittany's ear; she then turned round and nodded towards her car; "Yeah, apparently my radiator was overheated… and that's why it broke down. Mike had the parts so he could fix it."

Brittany smiled softly

Santana let her nose glide along Brittany's neck, a small poof of air was released against her skin causing Brittany to shiver slightly; she pressed her lips along the hollow of her throat; "Do you wanna go back to bed?"

Brittany looked towards Santana, a small smirk appearing across her lips; her tanned fingers gently tugging on the waistband of Brittany's shorts.

"San…" Brittany said

Santana giggled softly; "What? Come on… don't you want to?"

Brittany ignored Santana and turned towards Mike; "So is it fixed?"

Santana huffed and released her hold of Brittany. She then turned and walked over towards Tina who had just walked out of the house. Her hands immediately placing themselves on Tina's pregnant stomach.

"Hello, baby Chang…" Santana said softly; "Your aunties are waiting for your arrival…"

Mike tapped Brittany's shoulder, snapping her attention of Santana and Tina; "Doesn't that make you want kids… I mean… I never even knew Santana liked kids."

Brittany nodded softly; "Yeah… I don't know. I didn't even know."

Mike chuckled lightly; "Well, she would probably be a great mother. So would you, Britt…"

"Thanks." Brittany said; "She would be."

Santana leaned up to face Tina.

"Who knew Santana Lopez was such a softy?" Tina teased, with a small laugh

Santana rolled her eyes before laughing along with Tina; obviously not bothered that Tina had poked fun at her baby voice.

"I don't mind… Babies are cute." Santana said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear; "I'll check on the burgers… Can you call me if Marley and Jake come?"

"Sure… I'll just watch my boy work." Tina said, as she walked off towards Mike and Brittany.

Santana smiled as she turned and walked back inside the house. Brittany looked from Mike and Tina; and began wandering off towards the front of the car, she slipped her phone from one of the pocket of her shorts.

Dialling Sam's number quickly; she placed it against her ear, hearing the ringing tone.

"Hello?" Sam answered

"Hey…" Brittany said, letting her finger drag along the hood of Santana's car, looking at the clean line she made in the light coating of dirt.

"Oh, hey… I thought you were busy." Sam said

Brittany giggled; "Yeah… Lunch isn't served until a little later."

"Cool… How is it?" Sam asked, his tone was curious; but not in a rude way

"It's fine… Just like every Saturday." Brittany said; "Every Saturday lunch."

Sam laughed; "If you hate it, why do you even bother doing it?"

Brittany shrugged; "It saves having to argue. You don't even bother arguing with Santana. She's always in the right…"

"Sounds like she's a bitch." Sam replied

Brittany clicked her tongue; "She is… most of the time."

"Why do you bother then? Me and Max wanted to hang." Sam said

Brittany laughed; "I couldn't."

"Brittany, who are you talking?" Santana asked

Upon hearing her name from Santana, Brittany snapped round; "M-My mom…"

Santana smiled; "Silly girl… Let me talk to her…"

Brittany closed her phone; "Maybe later. Are the burgers ready?"

"Britt, you didn't even say bye…" Santana said, reaching forward to take Brittany's phone

Brittany stepped away, folding her arms; "Can you not? She's busy."

Santana shifted; "Let me text her back then…"

"God Santana, she doesn't wanna talk to you." Brittany said, as she pushed passed her to get inside the house.

Santana turned to watch Brittany walk inside; before following after her.

"What the hell was that? She told you that?" Santana asked, leaning against the bottom rail of the stairs.

Brittany stopped at the top of the stairs; "Of course she told me… I have to get dressed. Marley and Jake are here…"

Santana nodded; "Thanks for letting me know that your mom hates me. It's something I should have been told before today."

"She doesn't hate you. She was busy and didn't wanna talk." Brittany said, in a huff; "Are you done now… or shall we argue in front of our friends?"

Santana shook her head; "You know I'm not trying to argue… I just didn't…-"

"Santana, can I get ready or not?" Brittany asked, interrupting Santana

"Sure..." Santana said, even before she had said anything, Brittany had turned and walked into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Brittany pulled a t-shirt on and pair of light blue jeans; she walked downstairs and met sight of all five of them sitting around the table in the kitchen.

"The car's fixed." Santana said as she placed another glass of wine next to Brittany's place mat.

Brittany nodded and sat down, taking a quick sip of the smooth white wine; "Thanks."

Santana shrugged and sat down; "All due to Mike."

Mike chuckled; "You knew the problem. I just fixed it."

"My boy's so modest." Tina murmured, pinching Mike's left cheek, leaving a small pink mark.

Mike pulled away, rubbing his cheek; "Thanks, T."

Jake rolled his eyes; "Such a wifey move."

"Not all wives do that." Santana said as she was plating up the burgers and fries

"Yeah… Britt and San don't do it." Marley said, letting her fingers stroke along Jake's forearm

Brittany laughed; "I do it sometimes… When San does something cute."

"I thought I was a bitch most of the time." Santana said, turning round to meet Brittany's eyes; as she placed Jake and Marley's plates in front of them; she then placed Mike and Tina's. Brittany walked over towards Santana to grab her own plate.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked, softly; "You know I was only kidding on the phone… It was my mom…"

"'Whatever, Britt…" Santana said, passing over her lunch; "Enjoy."

Brittany leaned forward and kissed Santana's cheek; "I love you… Thank you for lunch."

Santana turned to look at Brittany; "Your mom doesn't hate me?"

Brittany smiled; "Of course not, silly girl. She loves you. She was just busy… we can call her later."

"Okay…" Santana said softly, letting a soft smile appear on her face

Brittany leaned in, and Santana met her halfway, pecking her lips lightly.

"Enough kissing… Come eat!" Jake called

Santana and Brittany nodded and returned to the table; taking their seats and beginning to eat their meal.

After Santana finished her meal, she excused herself to answer her phone. It was work leaving a voicemail about her last pay check being paid into her account on Monday morning.

Santana placed her phone back in her pocket, releasing a deep sigh that work for her was really over. The voicemail was a clear indicator for that. Santana went to turn and walk out of the room when she met Marley standing beside the door.

Santana nodded at Marley's arrival; only for Marley to look down at the floor, letting her shoe scrape along the wooden floor. After a few seconds, which was far too long for Santana to handle staring at Marley in silence.

"Can I help you?" Santana asked, not really understanding Marley's silence.

Marley squeezed her hands together; looking from the floor back towards the kitchen where everyone else was still eating.

Santana sighed softly; "If you're knocked up… maybe you should tell Jake."

Marley laughed dryly; making Santana roll her eyes as she didn't bother saying anything.

"Look the silence is making me nervous… I'm gonna break out into hives…" Santana grumbled, stepping forward; "Do I need to smack you?"

Marley glanced up at Santana, a look of nervousness and urgency mixed across her face. Santana looked down at the floor, after she met Marley's brown eyes. Eye contact was weird for her with everyone except Brittany.

"Brittany's talking to some guy… at work." Marley blurted out, making Santana snap her eyes back to her; "It's weird."

Santana's jaw went slack in surprise; as she simply just stared at Marley.


	7. Clarity

_Thanks for all reviews. I do appreciate them... Although some were slightly ugh... I'm bisexual myself so I would never write Brittany as slutty or dumb purely because she's bi... No way have I ever suggested that she is. _

_I'd like to remind that this is an AU fic... so anything which has happened in glee has not happened in unless stated. I could follow Canon Brittany; and have her mute; or run off getting married to Sam... But whateves. Its AU Brittana._

_I do take board the criticisms that maybe you wouldn't have wrote that chapter or even the story this way. But I have... I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's the aftermath._

_Thank you to everyone who has been supportive :)_

8th November 2018

Santana scratched her forehead in confusion; as she looked from a rather uncomfortable looking Marley to the floor; "You're telling me that Brittany was talking to some guy at work… and you think it's weird?"

Marley's expression turned even more uneasy, like she wished she was anywhere but here; "I… She said he was a friend. I've known her since she was 12… I've never seen him in my life."

Santana looked from Marley to the room door, where Tina, Mike, Jake and Brittany were finishing eating the meal she had cooked with Brittany's help.

"So what she's fucking him?" Santana snapped making Marley flinched instantly from the tone; she rolled her eyes softly at Marley's reaction; and lower her tone, making it softer; "What is going on?"

"I don't know." Marley mumbled, not wanting to say something which made Santana snap once again at her.

"Thanks for telling me…" Santana said softly; as she looked from Marley to the room door. She nodded lightly and went to walk out of the room. Marley sighed softly but made no attempt to talk or stop her.

Santana arrived back at the table, she took her seat at the end of the table; and focused on Brittany. She remained silent, sipping from her glass of lemonade slowly. Wondering why her wife would hide a guy from her unless she was sleeping with him. The thought along made a shiver run up her spine.

Her chocolate eyes purely concentrating on watching every move her wife made. The jokes she laughed at due to the wit of Mike and Jake. The compliments she accepted on behalf of the well cooked meal and how well she looked from Tina and Marley who had resumed her own seat.

Santana had offered to do the dishes after everyone began collecting coats and jackets in the mist of getting ready to leave; it gave her a chance at calming down at the surprising anger which was burning through her at the thought of her wife being with some guy.

Santana calmly stacked the plates up, placed the wine glass and tumblers beside them before she heated the water and began cleaning.

Jake hugged Brittany in a friendly one-armed hug, as his other one was wrapped tightly around Marley's waist; "Thanks for a great lunch, Britt… Tell Santana thanks too… She looks a little… sad."

Marley lowered her eyes at her own boyfriend's truth. Santana did look sad as she cleaned quietly. Brittany glanced from Marley and Jake to Santana before nodding softly.

"Yeah, I'll tell her thanks." Brittany said; "See you next week at the Changs."

"Wouldn't miss it." Jake said, as he walked out of the door with Marley.

Tina wrapped her arms around Brittany as well as she could with her bump; "Thanks for lunch. We'll see you next Saturday."

Brittany nodded with a wide smile; "Of course, see you then… Bye baby Chang."

Mike laughed loudly; "See you Britt, say bye to the missus for us."

"I will… see you next week. And thank you for the car…" Brittany said

"It's nothing… See you." Mike replied as he walked out, placing his hand on Tina's lower back.

Brittany let out a huge sigh of relief as she closed the front door. She began walking back towards the kitchen and found Santana drying the dishes.

"You didn't have to do that. I would have later..." Brittany said

Santana shrugged, remaining silent as she continued dry each plates and glass which were left to do. She tried to resist turning round to look at Brittany.

"Lunch was great as always. Thank you." Brittany said, glancing from the table to Santana who was looking downwards at the plate in her hands, the towel loosely rubbing against it.

Brittany pushed the chair in front of her back underneath the table; her fingers nervously scratching against the wooden pane slotted in to make up the back of the seat; she debated whether or not to ask what was wrong.

"Santana, is something wrong?" Brittany asked softly

Santana dropped the towel on to the floor; before simply letting the plate follow after it. Santana looked up at Brittany, her chocolate eyes were filling with unshed tears, as she blindly reached for the plates one by one and dropped them on the floor.

"Santana, what are you doing? They were a wedding gift." Brittany snapped, grabbing the rest from her grasp; she placed them behind her on the counter away from Santana.

"Who gives a fuck?" Santana snarled harshly, as she pushed past Brittany; and grabbed her jacket off the hook. Santana turned round as she tugged it on; glaring at a shocked Brittany; "I will find out who he is."

"Who? Who are you on about?" Brittany asked in frustration

"Your friend from the dinner." Santana snapped in response

Brittany looked guilty. Her head lowered in defeat as her eyes lost any frustration it held before.

"You're not even gonna deny it." Santana stated; "I hoped you would."

Brittany remained silent; stepping away from the counter.

"Who is he?" Santana asked firmly

Brittany's hand squeezed the other hand's fingers tightly; a nervous habit she had picked up when she was uncomfortable. She remained silent.

Santana moved forward and smacked her palms against the table, making Brittany flinch at the sound but also snapping her out of her preferred silence.

"I asked a question." Santana said

"H-He's just… a friend." Brittany mumbled softly

Santana nodded lightly; her hands slipping from the table to her sides; her face was a mixture of hurt but also confusion; she moved from the kitchen towards the living room; she leaned against the door frame.

"Are you… Have you slept with him?" Santana asked, avoiding to look anywhere near the kitchen to avoid looking at Brittany and seeing the answer immediately.

Brittany was immediately shocked; "What? No… I never would. He's just a friend, San. Baby, you have to believe me. I wouldn't lie to you."

Santana laughed dryly; her hands coming to cover her face; as she slowly let her head tip back to rest against the wall behind her; "You did lie though. Because I've never even heard of this guy before… And if it's all innocent, and you haven't done nothing wrong… why didn't you just tell me?"

Brittany was stunned. She didn't know how to answer that because she didn't want to admit the truth that she wanted something of her own; and therefore admit that she had been feeling unwanted for a while now.

Santana let out a knowing sigh; and she sniffed loudly; letting her hands wipe at her now dry eyes.

"I wanted something of my own." Brittany revealed softly; her tone was deafening for the both of them to hear in the almost silent house. Only sounds were their breathing and the odd sniffle form Santana; "I've had nothing since college, San. I felt… a little unwanted."

Santana remained silent, her eyes glaring at the wooden floor; only taking it everything which Brittany was saying.

"It wasn't an affair, San. I haven't done anything with him… I have never cheated on you. You know I wouldn't never do that." Brittany mumbled, as she bent down to pick up the mess of the two broken plates; "You know I love you."

A strangled laugh bubbled from the back of Santana's throat making Brittany snapped her eyes towards her wife.

"You love me… You wouldn't do this if you loved me." Santana said

Santana sighed deeply; her face conflicted with confusion about what to do or say; she turned towards the kitchen, letting her eyes meet crystal blue eyes.

"Did you think about him… in that way? Did you want him?" Santana asked, her tone failing to lack the anger lacing her voice.

Blue eyes faltered and Santana immediately turned away.

Brittany panicked, upon Santana turning away from her; "It was a momentarily thing. I liked him. He's good-looking and funny… but… I never cheated on you."

Santana shook her head; "You don't think it's just as bad… You wanted to. You wanted to fuck him, Brittany. It's as bad as cheating. That's why you never told me about him because he's your dirty little secret that you wanted all to yourself."

"It's not true. I knew how you'd react. You'd accuse me of wanting him… and it would only end in arguments until I stopped seeing him." Brittany replied, placing the pan and brush on the table with all the glass inside.

Santana shook her head slowly; "You have no way of knowing how I'd react… Hiding someone from me, you don't think that sends a clear message."

Brittany shrugged slowly; "I told you I feel unwanted… I wanted someone to call my own, I've never had anything that's just mine."

"Someone to call your own?" Santana repeated

Santana leaned forward; so that she could reach Brittany's eyes and support eye contact; "You have me. I'm your wife… Am I not yours or Am I just not what you want anymore?"

Brittany went to speak when Santana interrupted, continuing her stream of speech; "You have nothing that's just yours… Okay, well you had me. You've always had me. Am I not enough anymore?"

Brittany sunk into the chair, resting her head between her hands; "It's not about you." She added in a barely audible whisper

"You had me, Brittany. You always called me yours." Santana said much softer, she shifted against the wall, rolling her eyes; "I get it… You want this guy to be yours. Well, he's all yours. He's the only thing that yours now."

Santana sent Brittany another glare, before opening the front door and slamming it behind her. Brittany remained silent until she heard the engine starting, as Santana drove away from the house.

_She found out. – Britt_

Brittany typed out the message to Sam before closing her phone and standing up; she empty the glass into the recycling box. She returned to the house and cleaned up the kitchen before sitting at the table and waiting for Santana's return.

Santana parked up on a rest stop on the freeway; she was leaning against her car, sipping a recently purchased cup of cheap coffee.

A muddled mind of thoughts made Santana the less rational person ever. She couldn't even handle the thought of going back home and adopting to play her part in the obvious role-play they had played since Brittany decided to want something else.

The only place Santana could handle going to was home. Even with her parents. They seemed a better bet than spending time in a phony marriage.

_Can you do me a favour? – Santana_

Santana climbed back into her vehicle, starting the engine.

_Sure. What? – Marley _

Santana quickly typed out a response

_Go to my house. And get my passport and a bag of clothes. Meet me by JFK when you find it. It's the living room cupboard. – Santana_

Santana began driving to JFK airport, hoping Marley would be able to find it and take it without Brittany causing a fuss. Santana parked in the car park, she placed the keys in the ashtray before climbing out and closing the car door.

_Brittany knows you're leaving country. I told her I didn't know where. I'll be there in ten minutes. Are you by the car park? – Marley_

_Yeah, section B – Santana_

Santana leaned against the door, trying to calm herself down. Even if she hadn't gone full hulk on Brittany, she had let her anger get the best of her, probably upsetting Brittany during their argument.

She just couldn't believe that Brittany would be capable of hiding something from her, especially if it was complete innocent. Santana couldn't understand why she'd lied if she didn't need to. Brittany was normally the most honest person she had ever met.

Santana was interrupted by Marley waving from a few cars downwards; Santana cleared her throat and walked over towards her.

"Here… Passport and bag…" Marley said, passing them both to Santana who smiled politely; "What's going on?"

Santana shrugged lightly; as she pulled the strap of the bag over her shoulder.

"I'm gonna visit my parents. It's been a while… It's been since the wedding that I've seen them." Santana said

"But you hate your parents." Marley replied

Santana shrugged; flicking through her passport; "Well… My parents seem like a good distraction."

Marley nodded lightly; "Okay… Well, call me or text me… even if it's to let me know you're alive."

Santana nodded; pulling Marley in to a hug; "Thank you for helping me."

"I'm here for you." Marley said, after Santana had pulled away; "Be safe…"

Santana nodded; "I'll be back soon. I just need to clear my head."

Marley watched as Santana began walking towards the entrance of airport; "Santana?" she called

Santana turned round, stopping in her tracks.

"You know you have to talk to her… right?" Marley asked

Santana nodded; "I know… I will."

Marley smiled softly; "Clear your head, Lopez."

Santana laughed, "Of course, Rose."

Santana turned back around and continued on her journey towards the airport. Marley climbed back in her car, and turned to meet blue eyes.

"She's going to her parents. She hates her parents." Brittany mumbled, she turned towards Marley; "Do you think she hates me?"

"Brittany, she could never hate you." Marley said

Brittany turned to look at the airport, before leaning back in her seat; "Can you take me home, Marley?"

"Sure." Marley said, starting the car.

Brittany continued watching the airport until Marley had driven out of sight.

Santana had purchased a ticket for LA on the next available flight which was the 17:20 flight. She went through security; until she was waiting on the stand where she was due to board.

Leaning forward, Santana placed her phone against her ear, hearing the familiar ringing tone until her mother answered.

"Santana?" Maribel answered

"Hey… mom." Santana replied

Maribel sighed; "What's wrong, Ana?"

"Mom…" Santana whimpered, before sniffling; "Can I come and stay for a few days?"

"Of course, chico." Maribel replied; "What's happened?"

"I'll explain when I land… See you soon." Santana said

"Okay… I'll see you soon." Maribel replied

Santana hung up her phone, she dropped it into her bag; before leaning back against the chair, rubbing her forehead in frustration at time going so slowly.

Santana shifted, tugging on her jacket as her phone vibrated in her bag; she leaned forward and pulled it out. Momentarily surprised by Brittany's name across her screen.

_Can you call me please? – Britt_

Santana had to laugh or she'd cry at the message; she couldn't really expect much from Brittany as she clearly didn't want her anymore.

_I can't right now. – San_

Switching off her phone, she dumped it back into the bag; before standing up; grabbing her bag and walking towards the nearest restaurant that sold coffee. Sitting on a corner table, leaning forward on the table with her hands pressed against the sides of her head.

She closed her eyes softly; trying to clear her mind. She must have sat in the seat for at least two hours until she got to board on the plane.

Santana landed in LA at just after 11pm at night. She hailed a cab straight from the Los Angeles International Airport. Within 15 minutes, the cab parked up on the sidewalk outside of her parents' house. A large house in Valley Village, South Valley.

Santana quickly paid the cab driver; before walking towards the bright red coloured front door; she lifted her hand to ring the doorbell.

The door opened and Maribel immediately pulled Santana into a tight hug; "Kiddo… It's been too long."

Santana rubbed her mother's back softly, gently pulling away; "Where's dad?"

"He's in bed… Come on, I'll take you to the spare room." Maribel said, rubbing Santana's shoulder lightly; she slammed the door and began leading them both upstairs. She arrived at the second bedroom, and opened the door. A large bed, one set of drawers and a medium-sized wardrobe.

Santana walked in and dumped her bag beside her bed; as she sat down, rubbing her temple lightly.

"Santana, are you okay?" Maribel asked

"Just tired." Santana mumbled

Maribel nodded softly; "It's good to have you home. You can stay as long as you want. I'll see you in the morning. We can talk then, okay? Santana?"

Maribel watched as Santana rolled over on to the bed, curling her legs towards her stomach, as her arms wrapped around her torso. Her sleepily face was conflicted with a pained expression.

"I'll see you in the morning, Santana." Maribel said softly, watching as Santana's eyes battled to stay awake. Maribel switched off the light, before closing the door softly.


	8. Imagine

_Thanks to all reviews :) _

_To clarify Brittana is end game and always will be in my eyes. The whole point of canon is so that you don't have to use Canon. Let's be honest Canon Brittana is shit. I never said LA and New York weren't in the same country. And yes, you can fly from JFK to LAX._

_Thanks for the support :) Enjoy this chapter._

10th November 2018

Maribel had spent yesterday waiting for Santana to wake up and come downstairs for at least food; if not for comfort or advice. But she had stayed in bed all day and night.

By Monday, Maribel spent the best part of the morning waiting for Santana to wake up and come downstairs. After the clock had reached 12; she went to check on her daughter and found her still fast asleep.

Brushing her fingers against Santana's slightly moist forehead; the way her body shifted from the unfamiliar touch, Maribel sighed and removed her hand.

"Santana, kid… Wake up." Maribel murmured affectionately, letting her hand rub along her back as Santana slowly began to stir awake from her mother's voice.

Maribel stood up as Santana seemed to be waking up; she walked towards the window; and opened the blinds, letting a large stream of sun light to land on Santana; causing to jerk so she avoided it.

"Wake up, lazy child!" Maribel said, clapping her hands together loudly watching as Santana turned to glare at her.

"I didn't come here for a mother." Santana said, her voice lacking hardly any emotion

Maribel nodded, not hiding how Santana's words had hurt her; "I don't know why you came here… Why don't you enlighten me, oh wise grateful daughter?"

"There's no need for sarcasm." Santana mumbled, rubbing her temple; "I'm here because I have nowhere else to go."

Maribel looked back towards Santana; "Are you and Brittany okay?"

"I won't be here if we were." Santana said much softer, letting her fingers brush her fringe from her eyes; "I should shower. Is that okay?"

Maribel sighed; "I know we're not close… I just thought we could talk. It's not like you call me or even visit."

"Mom, Brittany and I… I think we're falling apart." Santana said, trying to avoid her mother's knowing eyes.

Maribel moved closer towards her daughter, squeezing her hand which was resting on her lap; "Honey… I know you and Brittany will be fine."

Santana scoffed lightly; pulling her hand away from her mother; "I… I can't believe I thought you could even understand me to help. You're never gonna understand me."

Maribel went to speak when Santana grabbed her bag; and walked out of the room. Santana went to the nearest bathroom, slamming the door; she pulled the lock on before sitting on the edge of the bath tub.

Santana pulled her phone out and switched it on. She waited until the several messages Brittany had sent her appeared. She deleted all of them before deciding to send her a message.

_I'm at my parents. Need some space. – Santana_

Santana placed her phone back into the bag; before placing it beside the door. She began tugging off her clothes and then took a long shower, making sure to make the most of the time to waste time in the shower as it was a luxury since she was out of a job.

Santana dried her body before changing into a pair of slight baggy blue denim jeans and a long white t-shirt. She picked up her clothes and walked back to her room; she dumped her bag inside the room. She walked downstairs and found her mother cleaning the living room.

"Are you still pissed off?" Maribel asked, turning round from the ornaments

"I don't have a right to be pissed off." Santana replied

Maribel shrugged; "I don't know why you and Brittany are falling apart. I wasn't the best mother, no one is… but I tried to help you; I tried to raise you."

Santana nodded; "So we have a bad relationship because of me?"

"I never said that." Maribel said

Santana rolled her eyes; "Whatever… This whole thing is great for distracting me which is exactly what I needed."

"Because running away from your problems will automatically solve them, Santana." Maribel said, sarcasm dripping off her tone.

"Why do you always have to blame me?" Santana asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I'm not blaming you. But you don't help matters. Leaving things when you say things are falling apart." Maribel said

"Trust you… Brittany does wrong, and yet, it's my fault." Santana mumbled, walking towards the front door; she opened in, and slammed it behind her.

Brittany let her fingers wrap around her pink mug, the warmth of the hot chocolate spreading through to her fingers.

Sam cleared his throat, making dejected blue eyes look up at him. He took a sip of his coffee, releasing a sigh as he placed his mug down; "Look, Quinn will be home so… just get on with it."

Brittany glanced from Sam to her mug; "I told you… Santana knows about us."

"Brittany, what are you on about? There is no us…" Sam said; "We're just friends…"

Sam watched as Brittany glanced up at him; before looking back down at the table.

"Did you tell her that we were more than friends?" Sam asked

"No…" Brittany said

"Then I don't understand why you're so worried..." Sam said

"Because I didn't tell her about you… at all." Brittany snapped, running her fingers through her hair, tugging it lightly; "I kept you a stupid secret and she left me."

Sam shook his head, letting his fingers brush his fringe; "Oh, Britt… Why would you do that?"

Brittany glanced at him; "You told… Quinn?"

Sam nodded; "I'm married, I wouldn't hide anything from Quinn. She's my wife…"

Brittany sighed; "I don't know why I didn't tell her… I just wanted to keep something for myself. It sounds stupid…"

Sam sighed; "I like you, Britt… You're funny and so intelligent… But it's probably for the best to just leave this alone. Just go home and sort things out with your wife."

"So you have the happy life and I don't? You don't know Santana… She won't even answer my calls… How am I supposed to sort things out?" Brittany mumbled

Sam scoffed; "You caused this by not telling her. I never once ever told you not to tell Santana. I thought she knew. It's not every day you met some guy and not bother to even tell your wife."

Brittany was about to reply; when the front door opened and Quinn walked in, carrying two bags.

"Honey, I'm home." Quinn called

"Kitchen." Sam replied

Quinn walked in; and stopped as she met sight of Sam and Brittany; "You must be Brittany. Sam told me you were coming round."

"Oh… Hi." Brittany said

Quinn placed the bags behind her; "Is something wrong?"

"My wife thinks something was going on with me and Sam." Brittany said

Quinn licked her lips slowly; "Okay… Have you told her that there isn't?"

Brittany nodded

"Look, I'm glad you're making friends… Sam really needed someone recently… especially with everything… but I don't want this kind of shit right now. I need you to stay away from Sam and me… until you can control your wife." Quinn said

"Quinn's right, Brittany. I really do wanna be your friend. But there's no point if Santana's gonna get mixed idea caused by you." Sam said; "If you can't be truthful about something as simple as this… How is she supposed to trust you with the big stuff?"

Brittany nodded; "I'm sorry… I caused this… but I don't know how to fix it."

Quinn stepped forward; "Call your wife and tell her the truth. You kept Sam a secret because you're bored with her… just be honest. She'll probably respect it."

Brittany sighed; and stood up; "I'll stay away from you."

Quinn nodded and decided to walk Brittany to the front door; "Look, I met your wife… for the photo for her story… So if you need me to tell her that nothing went on between you and Sam… I'll tell her. Sam wouldn't do that. He's not a cheater…"

Brittany nodded; "I know… He never gave me that feeling that he wanted more than just friendship… He was just a nice guy."

Quinn nodded; "Just think about what I said. Sam was kept a secret for a reason… Maybe you need to talk about that."

Brittany sighed deeply; and walked out, not even bothering to reply to Quinn as she walked down the street in the direction to her own house.

Brittany arrived home; and went straight to the bedroom. She climbed underneath the covers, tugging them up and over her shoulders. She fumbled until she had reached a comfortable position; she then pulled her phone out of her pocket.

She pressed on Santana's name; and placed it against her ear. She waited Santana to answer. She put the phone down when the voicemail message began playing.

Seconds later, Santana's name appeared on her phone screen; Brittany quickly answered.

"Santana?" Brittany asked, her urgency lacing her tone.

Santana sighed softly on the other side of the line, she otherwise remained silent. Brittany bit her bottom lip; not knowing what to say in case she made Santana hang up.

"I'm so glad you called me back." Brittany replied softly; she moved and sat up, tugging her bed sheets towards her stomach; "How are you?"

"Are we really doing this?" Santana asked, her voice cutting the silence between the two of them

"I don't know." Brittany said, picking at a thread on the bed sheets; "How are you? Are you coming home soon?"

Santana shrugged lightly, a warm silence taking up between them.

"Please, Santana… I don't know how I can fix things if you're not here." Brittany said

"We shouldn't have to fix anything. You shouldn't have lied to me…" Santana replied

Brittany bit her bottom lip, she sighed; "You know I didn't lie."

"So you didn't lie… Hiding something from me… It's still a lie." Santana snapped

"Okay… I lied… Is that what you wanted me to admit? I shouldn't have lied." Brittany replied, rubbing her forehead softly; "I don't know what you want me to say."

"How about the truth… I thought I knew you, Britt…" Santana said softly

Brittany remained silent as Santana shifted on the other end of the phone. Her breathing was short but rapid.

"I thought I knew everything about you… but it feels like I know nothing, Britt." Santana revealed softly

"You know that's not true." Brittany interjected

"But it is." Santana responded lightly

Brittany sighed in exasperation; "You've known me since I was 8… You know everything about me… Come on, baby. Just come home."

"I can't come home because I'm not ready." Santana said

"Ready for what?" Brittany asked

"To pretend like everything is perfect between us… when it isn't." Santana whispered

"We never have to pretend. I love you… I have always been in love with you." Brittany said

"So what is Sam? You admitted you liked him?" Santana asked

Brittany huffed; "It wasn't even like that. I promise… I just felt something for him. It doesn't even compare to what I feel for you."

"You think I can't see what you feel? Your eyes tell me everything I need to know." Santana said softly

"You know I love you, Santana. God… You're the one person I've ever loved." Brittany said

Santana sighed; "For once… This isn't about love."

"What is it about? I lied about being friends with Sam. It doesn't even have to be like this. I love you… and I like having Sam as a friend." Brittany said

"This is about us… About how I feel like we're falling apart. You were hiding something from me; and I didn't even notice." Santana said

Brittany nodded silently; tugging on her bed sheets; she slipped her legs out of the bed to rest against the padded floor.

"I don't know how to even talk to you right now." Santana said

"Santana, please… I don't know how to fix things." Brittany said softly; "How can I fix things? I'll come to your parents. We need to talk face to face."

Santana bit her bottom lip; she shrugged her shoulders as she turned to sit down on a nearby bench.

"I really don't know, Brittany." Santana mumbled

"Please. I need to see you." Brittany replied softly

"You can't leave work." Santana said

"I'll take my holiday now." Brittany said; "I can be there tonight… Please, Santana."

Santana exhaled loudly; "Whatever, Britt. If you think coming here will sort things… then do what you want."

"I'll see you tonight then…" Brittany said softly

"Okay." Santana replied

Brittany then heard the click of the phone. She placed her phone down and began calling her boss; as she walked towards her wardrobe to start packing her bag.

After confirming that she was allowed a week's paid holiday; Brittany hung up her phone; and called a cab to take her to the JFK airport.

Brittany exited from the yellow cab outside Santana's parents' house; she saw Santana standing outside the house, upon the front porch.

Quickly paying the driver; she turned and hauled her bag up off the ground. She began walking towards Santana. A sheepish expression appeared across her face as she came closer to Santana.

"Aren't you cold?" Brittany asked, rubbing her shoulder as the bag was heavy

"My mom's waiting for you." Santana said, tugging the jacket tighter around her; as her eyes remained fixed behind Brittany's body.

Brittany nodded; "I'll go see her."

Santana nodded

Brittany stepped to move passed Santana; she gently moved closer and went to touch her shoulder.

"I'm glad to be here." Brittany whispered softly; as her fingers barely gazed over the smooth material of her jacket.

"Well, how are you gonna cope without your diner buddy?!" Santana quipped, before she turned and walked round towards the back garden.

Brittany sighed sadly; as she pushed the front door open; immediately being pulled into a rather welcoming hug by Maribel.

"I'm so glad you came. Santana told me." Maribel said, pulling back to glance at Brittany's face; "You still look the same."

Brittany laughed; "It hasn't been that long."

Maribel sighed; "It feels it… So what happened to cause Santana and you to come here?"

Brittany bit her bottom lip, looking away from Maribel; "She hasn't told you?"

"She said you two were… falling apart." Maribel revealed softly

"Well… We must be." Brittany said, with a sad smile as she met Maribel's concerned expression; "Where's Santana's room?"

"I'll show you." Maribel said, following Brittany upstairs; she arrived at the spare room where Santana was staying in; "This is where Santana's been staying."

Brittany placed her bag down; "Thanks… Do you mind if I wait for her?"

Maribel nodded lightly; "Sure…"

Brittany sat on the edge of the bed as Maribel walked out of the bedroom. Brittany waited until Santana walked in through the bedroom.

"Hey." Brittany said instantly standing up as Santana turned to look at her; "Your mom said I could stay here."

Santana tugged her jacket off, throwing it over the stool which was beside the counter; "Can't you just sleep somewhere else?"

Brittany looked to the floor, picking up her bag. She glanced back at Santana, before walking out of the room.

"Britt, I didn't mean… You had to just leave…" Santana said, as she rubbed her temple.

Brittany walked back inside; leaning against the door frame; "You wanna talk or…?"

Santana nodded albeit, it was a slow one. Brittany moved forward and dumped her bag down. Sitting beside Santana, Brittany released a deep sigh.

"What's going on between us?" Brittany asked

"I don't know anymore." Santana admitted softly; she ran her palms up and down her arms; "When did you start… hiding things from me?"

"I didn't hide things. I just… I wasn't doing it on purpose. I wanted a friend. I just feel so… tired." Brittany said

"Tired of me or us?" Santana asked, looking over at Brittany

"I know I love you." Brittany whispered

Santana shook her head, her chocolate eyes becoming watery; "That doesn't answer my question. Are you tired of us or me? Did you want Sam or was you using him to do this?"

"I never used Sam…" Brittany said; "I wanted a friend."

Santana rolled her eyes; "You wanted a friend. You didn't need to hide it from me. You chose to… and now you don't like the consequences."

"It's not even like that. You're blowing it out of proportion." Brittany said

"Fine… I've been seeing some woman… And I wanted to fuck her. Sorry for hiding it from you." Santana replied, her voice dripping in disdain

"You don't have to make fun." Brittany grunted

Santana scoffed

"You think I'm making fun of this… I've been made out to be a fool, Brittany. You went and found yourself some eye candy. You have a wife, Britt; you can't do that." Santana said

"So I can't have friends?" Brittany asked

"You can't have friends which you hide from me… and who you wanna sleep with." Santana said

"I haven't slept with anyone but you." Brittany said; "I wouldn't cheat on you… It's just feelings. Have you ever wanted someone else?"

"I find girls attractive, Britt… But I don't try and become friends with them… And I wouldn't hide it from you." Santana replied, shifting on the bed; "I think you wanted me to assume something was going on between the two of you… Maybe you are tired of us… and this gave you some… excitement."

Brittany shook her head, moving closer so her hand land on Santana's lower thigh; "You can't really believe that, right?

Santana sighed; "You can't really think I can believe anything you say anymore? You lied, Britt… And there was no need… I don't know whether whatever you've told me is the truth."

"I haven't lied about anything. You're right, okay… I never should have befriended him. But I did… and I hid it from you. But I love you and I always have." Brittany said, softly, reaching forward to cup Santana's cheek; she slowly let her thumb brush against the apple of her cheek; "You have to believe me… You know I love you, right?"

"You know how bad I wish it were true, Britt… but I can't trust you right now." Santana revealed softly, her hand covering Brittany; before gently removing it; "You should probably go to bed… It's late; and you're tired."

Brittany nodded lightly; "Yeah…"

Santana sniffed softly; as she stood up and moved to the other side of the bed.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Brittany asked, as she stopped by the door, to glance back at Santana.

"I guess so…" Santana murmured, as she rooting through her bag

Brittany leaned down and tugged Santana's favourite t-shirt to sleep in; she walked back towards the bed, and placed it down; "You forgot it."

"Well, I didn't have time to pack." Santana said, picking it up; she watched as Brittany turned to leave; "Thank you… for bringing it."

"It's yours, right? Even if you don't know me… I know you." Brittany said softly, as she let the door close behind her.

Santana looked down at the faded material; letting her thumbs brushed at the coarse fabric; she let the hinting of a smile appear.


	9. The fool on the hill

_Thanks for the reviews :) _

_To clarify yes, Sam was lying._

_ I never said Santana was leaving the country; Marley texted Santana saying that Brittany knows she's leaving the country because Marley had came to her house to get Santana's passport. Santana didn't say she was leaving the country.  
_

_Sam did kiss Brittany on the cheek. _

_Yes, I have a plan sort of... Well, the outline is pretty much planned._

_There doesn't have to be a specific reason to feel like you're bored with life. I was in a relationship with someone who I did genuinely love... and I did feel bored with the relationship. Sometimes the spark simply vanishes..._

_I hope you enjoy this chapter. I estimate about 6 more chapters... Or so._

11th November 2018

Brittany looked down at the newspaper; she had just read an advertisement for dance lessons. She hadn't dance since college; and it had always been her dream.

After college, Santana had asked Brittany to marry her; and when she agreed. That's what everything happened. Dreams were pushed back, and reality had taken over. There wasn't a luxury to wait until you were able to find the job you wanted. Auditions for dancers weren't frequent and there was an insane amount of people fighting for a position.

Brittany had gone for three auditions before Santana had asked her to find a more permanent job as they were behind on rent and bills.

She then found a waitress job at the diner. Santana was so happy she had found a job which was actually paying enough money to cover rent and bills.

Maybe she should ask Santana if she could go for dance lessons when she was free from work. If she kept her job, Santana would be more likely to let her go to them.

"Britt, do you want some orange juice?" Maribel asked, as she opened the fridge

"Oh… Sure. Thank you." Brittany replied, placing the paper down; "Is Santana awake?"

"She went for a run.. About 5 minutes ago towards the park… Why do you try and catch her?" Maribel asked

Brittany hummed; and nodded; "Okay… See you."

Maribel smiled; as Brittany pulled her jacket on. She walked out of the front door and began jogging down towards the Valley Village Park. Brittany saw Santana sitting on a patch of grass near the pond.

"Santana?" Brittany called, as she dropped into a slow walk. She quickly sat beside her; stretching her legs out, "I didn't know you liked running."

Santana shrugged; "I didn't know you did."

Brittany sighed; she turned towards her; "How did you sleep?"

"Britt, what are you doing?" Santana asked, with furrowed eyebrows

"Nothing…" Brittany replied, rubbing her forehead

"Why are you asking me questions?" Santana asked

"I just… I don't know how to fix things." Brittany murmured

"You don't have to fix things. I get it… I get everything. You're bored with us… and that's fine… I just don't think you understand how you made me feel." Santana said

Brittany sighed; "I know I hurt you… I lied…-"

"I love you… so I've decided to stay in LA… for a little while." Santana said softly

"That's fine. I'll ask for some more time off work." Brittany said, scratching the ridge of her nose

"No, Britt… I don't want you here." Santana said, moving closer to Brittany, she placed her hand beside Brittany's, ever so softly letting her thumb brush against Brittany's fingers; "I hate knowing we've drifted apart… So I'm letting you go. You can do what you want… Find something which makes you happy."

Brittany nodded slowly; "I love that you'd do that for me… but what about you and me?"

Santana let the corners of her mouth turn up into a small smile appear; "I'll wait… Just find something which makes you happy… I'll wait for you."

Brittany ran her fingers through her hair; she shifted closer; placing her hand on top of Santana's; "Why would you do that… especially after everything I've done."

"I promised you forever, Britt…" Santana said; "You made some stupid decisions… regarding Diner guy… I know you aren't a bad person. You're bored of your monotonous life… It's not what you wanted when we first married."

"Santana, I love you." Brittany said; "I could never get bored of you."

"No… but you're not the type to want a routine… You want different things all the time… and I don't. So I'm asking you to take the time and find your thing. That one thing which will make you happy enough." Santana said, squeezing Brittany's hand gently; "You have focused on me for so long… and I love that about you… but I would be such a horrible wife if I didn't want you to be happy."

"I have no clue what to do." Brittany whispered softly

Santana shrugged her shoulders; "Britt, you know I can't help you. This has to be your decision…"

Brittany nodded

Santana pulled her hand away, letting her brush away a few leaves which had flew over beside her; "I should go back…"

"You're not even angry, San." Brittany said

Santana stood up, wiping her legs; "I don't want to be angry at you. I hate that you lied to me… I can't believe you did that instead of talking to me… but it's you… I regret the part I played in this. Maybe if I didn't bother with work so much… I never even notice you getting bored."

Brittany nodded softly; "I wish you were angry…"

Santana sucked her lips into her mouth; as she scratched her shoe into the ground; "So you'd feel less guilty…"

"Something like that. I hate that you're being… like this. I want you to be angry." Brittany said

"And I can't, Britt… I look at you, and I could have lost you. What if I didn't find out or what if you wanted fantasy to become reality? I would have lost you… I can't be mad at you for something which we both caused." Santana said

Brittany shifted, pausing to glance up at Santana; "I don't blame you… You never caused anything."

Santana slipped her hands through the pockets of her jacket as she shrugged; "I doubt we'll agree on anything."

Brittany let her head lower towards the ground; her fingers brushing along the strands of grass; "Do you want me to stay for the week?"

"I told you to find the thing which makes you happy… All that's here is me and my parents. So I think you should leave." Santana replied softly

"You know you do make me happy." Brittany whispered, glancing up at Santana

"Evidently not enough." Santana answered softly; as she turned to walk away; "See you back at the house…"

Brittany nodded, watching Santana walk back towards her parents' house.

Santana arrived home and showered. Dressing in plain grey jogging pants and a slightly baggy t-shirt; she walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast. Faltering slightly at the sight of her father, thankfully she had managed to avoid in for the past few days.

"Hello." George said, with a firm expression as he poured more coffee into his mug; "So when are you leaving?"

Santana laughed dryly; "I was wondering when you'd ask."

"I don't want people living in my house for free, Santanita." George said

"My name is Santana. Not Ana… or Santanita… Or Anita. It's Santana." Santana snapped

"Your abuela called you Anita. Not me." George replied, leaning over to sort his tie out in the reflection of the bread bin.

"My abuela practically raised me." Santana said; "Along with mom."

"I'm not giving you a pity party." George said, as he walked out of the room, to leave for work.

Santana rolled her eyes, pouring herself a mug of coffee; she sat down and began reading through the paper.

Brittany walked through the door way a few minutes later, a clear sheen of sweat across her forehead.

"Can I have some?" Brittany asked

"Fresh pot just made." Santana replied, licking her thumb to turn the page

Brittany grabbed a mug and began pouring some coffee; she then mixed in a little milk before sitting opposite Santana.

"Santana, are you okay?" Brittany asked, rubbing her hands together to gain some warmth.

Santana flicked her eyes to glance up at Brittany through her eyelashes; "Fine…"

Brittany nodded, lifting up her mug; she took a small sip; "Are you sure? It's just you aren't really talking to me or anyone."

"I don't know what to say." Santana said softly, with a small shrug. She turned the page, and let out a small hum. Brittany shifted in her seat, she leaned forward and began reading over Santana's shoulder.

"Are you still speaking to diner boy?" Santana asked, leaning back to look at Brittany

"Erm… No. Well, he wanted to talk to you… Explain things." Brittany said

"No. I can't speak to the person who you wanted to fuck." Santana said

Brittany sighed; "It wasn't even like that, Santana. I just liked him. He's funny… and he's…-"

"I get it, Britt. I really do. You don't have to tell me every day." Santana said, as she stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

Brittany looked down at the warm liquid in her mug; slowly picking up both mugs; she emptied out the liquid before washing the mugs.

Santana was lying across the length of her bed; pressing her phone against her ear in the hope of talking to Marley.

"Hello?" Marley asked

"Hey… Are you working?" Santana asked

"Just taking a lunch break. Is everything okay? I know Britt came down to your parents." Marley said

"Well… we're not making lady babies… anytime soon." Santana said, stretching out her torso as she rolled onto her stomach; "She's gonna come back to New York…"

Marley nodded, wiping her mouth with a napkin; "And you're coming with her, right?"

"I think it's best if we take a break. She can find herself… and I can let her do that." Santana said

"Santana, you can't be serious. A break? You know that won't solve anything." Marley said

"I think maybe it will. I ruined Brittany's dreams at the start… I'm not gonna do that again. She can take all the time she wants…" Santana said

Marley nodded, barely understanding but knowing it wasn't her place or choice to intervene; "I hate to bring this up… but what if she doesn't want you when she finds her dream?"

"Then… We'll break up." Santana said softly, scratching her nails against the smooth bed sheets.

"You know she will always love you." Marley said

"I hope so…" Santana said, clearing her throat; "You should enjoy the rest of your lunch break. I'll text you later…"

"Okay, talk to you soon." Marley said

"Bye." Santana replied, as she pulled away to hang up the phone; she turned towards the door and met Brittany.

"Hey." Brittany said softly

"Hey." Santana replied, shifting so her body was sliding underneath the covers

"Are you gonna sleep?" Brittany asked, letting her eyes meet Santana's

"Just a little nap." Santana said

Brittany scratched the back of her neck, ending with her palm rubbing against the skin; as Santana glanced back at her; "Can I join you?"

Santana simply nodded, and Brittany smiled softly; kicking off her shoes. She pulled the covers and slipped inside.

"Don't think that this changes anything. You still have to find your dream on your own." Santana whispered, from her position on the right; Brittany nodded, shifting her body closer to Santana's.

"I know…" Brittany whispered, letting her fingers come up to drag down Santana's face slowly; "I just wish you could be there."

"You know I want to… but I can't… You'll only end up trying to choose something which makes me happy…" Santana said

Brittany removed her fingers from Santana's face, as she had finished tucking in a strand of raven hair; "I love you for doing this though."

Santana nodded, letting her eyes close. Brittany let her hand find Santana's; she laced their fingers together before letting her own eyes close.

Santana let her free hand cup Brittany's left cheek. Her thumb stretching out, to gently brush against the corner of Brittany's mouth; "Just promise me to talk to me… when you go back… I'm not saying I want to know everything… I just want to know what happening with you."

"I'll tell you everything." Brittany said softly

Santana nodded, biting the inside of her cheek. She then pulled her hand away from Brittany's cheek, letting her fingers barely glide along the length of Brittany's jaw.

"We should go for a nap." Santana murmured

Brittany smiled lazily; "Okay…"

Santana smiled, she released a small sigh as her eyes flicked shut. Darkness taking over both of them.

Maribel walked past the bedroom, glancing in and letting a contented smile appear along her mouth. She leaned in and gently closed the door; before turning and carrying on her day to day activities.


	10. Strawberry fields Forever

_Thanks for the reviews. _

_I loveee Marley and Santana's friendship. _

_BR-AM is not only at least for one of them... I won't spoil it yet..._

_Brittany and Santana have not even finished dealing with their relationship. As bodybroke said in a review; It does seem that Santana is being too understanding. She is simply not saying how she feels about everything. _

_To Guest, yes, Sam lied, it suggested that Brittany concluded this kind of attraction between the two of them inside her own head. I like writing Sam as a complete dick. which you will see._

_Enjoy this chapter :)))_

15th November 2018

The past few days for Brittany had been great. Santana hadn't been angry or upset with her; and they had managed to be themselves without the Sam thing hanging over them and ruining the moment.

Santana had offered to take her to the airport; which Brittany had founded to be nice for her to offer as it was obvious she wanted to say goodbye but kind of sad to be leaving her.

Packing the last t-shirt into her bag, she turned to meet Maribel's face; "Is she downstairs?"

"Yeah…" Maribel said

Brittany looked down at her newly packed bag; and couldn't help the tears from building. She let out a huge sigh as she reached to dry the first few which had fallen to her cheeks.

Maribel stepped forward, brushing her hands away; she wiped her cheeks with her thumbs; "I won't bothered asking if you're okay… I know you think you're losing her… but you're really not."

Brittany nodded, sniffing softly as she hiccupped lightly; "I feel like this is goodbye…"

Maribel smiled lightly; "Oh… kiddo, you'll never say goodbye to Santana."

Maribel gently pulled Brittany into a tight hug; wrapping her arms around her tightly; she pressed a soft kiss to her forehead; "You're welcome here anytime…"

"Thank you." Brittany whispered, burying her face against Maribel's neck; "Thank you for being so… nice."

"You're more than a daughter in law, Brittany. You know how much we care about you." Maribel replied, gently releasing Brittany from the hug; she wiped her thumb underneath her eyes, removing any traces of tears; "You should go… You're gonna be late."

"Thank you… again." Brittany said

"We'll speak soon, Brittany. Don't worry about Santana. She'll be fine here." Maribel said, leading Brittany down the stairs where Santana was standing beside the front door. George was sitting in his chair watching the news.

"George, Brittany's leaving now." Maribel said, as Santana took Brittany's bag and walked out towards her mother's car.

"Well… See you soon… Take care of yourself." George said

"Thanks… Thank you for letting me stay here." Brittany said, with a grateful smile

George nodded; "You're welcome anytime."

Brittany smiled; before pulling Maribel into another hug; a longer one this time. She pulled away, wiping her eyes; "I should go… but thank you for everything. Please take care of Santana."

Maribel nodded, trying to hold back tears. Brittany smiled a watery smile; her eyes building up with more unshed tears. She quickly turned and walked out, closing the door as she then climbed into Maribel's car.

Santana already sat in the driving seat; "Ready to go?"

Brittany nodded, because she couldn't speak without bursting into tears. Santana took her time in driving out of the avenue. She got on to the freeway, and then leaned over, grabbing Brittany's left hand, as she quickly laced their fingers. Brittany choked back a sob at the action.

"It's okay, Britt." Santana whispered, as she tried to focus on driving safety; "You know it's gonna be okay."

"I don't wanna leave you." Brittany mumbled in between sobs as she pulled her hands free to wipe away her tears

"Britt, baby… you're not leaving me. You're doing what's right for both of us." Santana murmured, soothingly.

"I'm… I don't wanna lose you." Brittany whispered gently, her eyes red rimmed and blood-shot; Santana turned off into the nearest car parking space at the airport. She immediately switched the engine off; turning towards Brittany. Her heart melted at the sight.

"Britt, come on. I'm your wife. You're never gonna lose me… especially over this. I want this… I told you to go back…" Santana said, using her thumbs to gently wipe her cheeks.

"Is this goodbye?" Brittany asked, her breathing calming down

"You know this isn't working, Britt." Santana said softly; "You resent me for not allowing you to find your dream after college…"

Santana shifted so she was closer to Brittany; she took her hands softly; "I promised myself that I would never say goodbye to you. I'm not gonna leave you or break up with you… but I can't be with you when I'm causing you to be so unhappy."

"I'm not unhappy with you." Brittany whispered

"You're not happy with me, either." Santana replied, gently lifting up her hands to cup Brittany's cheek; "I love you… I will never stop."

Brittany nodded sadly; "I know I'll miss you… I'll miss everything about you."

Santana licked her lips, nodding as her eyes blinked away tears; "I'll always be a phone call away."

Brittany nodded softly

Santana cleared her throat, as she leaned back against her seat; "Shall we go inside, Britt?"

Brittany nodded; "Okay…"

"I'll get your bag." Santana whispered, squeezing Brittany's knee; she then climbed out of the car. Brittany sighed softly; before climbing out of the vehicle. She met Santana who was closing the trunk.

Santana sent her a small but soft smile as she passed her bag towards her. They walked in an uncomfortable silence to the entrance. Santana followed Brittany towards the check in desk. Brittany checked in; and then turned, walking towards Santana.

"I should go wait for it." Brittany said softly; before chuckling lightly; "At least it's on time."

"I guess so." Santana said, stuffing her hands into her pockets; "I'll talk to you soon then?"

Brittany glanced from the floor to Santana's face; "I guess so."

Santana looked from the floor to Brittany who looked like she was trying fight back tears again. Santana ran her fingers through her hair, as if searching for the right thing to say. How could she calm Brittany's obvious concerns as well as saving herself from being put back out there and available to be hurt.

Santana sighed dramatically as she slapped her palms against her sides; making Brittany turn her attention back to her wife; "Why are we acting like this? It's not a goodbye… It's a see you soon."

Brittany shrugged, thumbing her ticket and passport; "Because we love each other… and it feels like a goodbye."

Santana moved forward, wrapping her arms around Brittany's neck, tugging her closer. She released a deep breath as she rested her chin against Brittany's shoulder. Her hand gently ran up and down Brittany's back, letting her fingertips brush against the material of Brittany's t-shirt.

"Look… we will never say goodbye... I know this." Santana whispered, letting her fingers reach the base of Brittany's neck; "I love you and I'll see you soon."

Brittany sniffed softly, moving so her face could press against Santana's neck. The warmth spreading across her face, as her hands tightened around Santana's back; "I never meant to cause any of this. I just want you… It's all I wanted."

Santana pulled back, gently wiping her eyes; "Britt, I can't… I can't keep doing this. You don't just want me. And that's fine. I'm fine with you wanting something else… Just do this for yourself."

"Okay…" Brittany replied

Santana glanced at the ground and licked her lips in the almost tensed atmosphere; "You should go."

Brittany nodded; "See you soon?"

Santana smiled slightly; "See you soon."

Brittany leaned in, and licked her lips; she cupped Santana's cheek; "Can I kiss you…?"

Santana met Brittany's eyes; and lightly shook her head. Brittany nodded in understanding.

"I get it." Brittany mumbled

Santana leaned in, letting her lips barely brush against Brittany's lips before moving and kissing the corner of her mouth.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Santana said as she stepped back

Brittany nodded gently; "I'll call you."

Santana smiled sadly, looking away from Brittany; "Britt, please go…"

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked, stepping closer to Santana; she rubbed her shoulder gently; "San, what's wrong?"

"Nothing…" Santana mumbled

Brittany tilted Santana's chin up, so her eyes could meet hers; "Please tell me…"

"I don't want you to go." Santana said

"Then I won't." Brittany replied, rubbing her thumb along Santana's chin

Santana shook her head; "No, you have to… I held you back before. I won't do it again."

Brittany sighed; "Santana, you never held me back."

"I told you to get a job… because we had no money to pay for anything. You wanted to dance… and I took that away from you." Santana said softly; "Not anymore. I want you to dance. I want you to be happy."

Brittany nodded softly

"I'll talk to you later." Santana said

Brittany glanced from Santana to the ground before turning and walking through the gates. Santana watched her leave, waving at her as Brittany turned to look at her once more.

Santana waited until Brittany was completely out of sight before returning back towards her mother's car. Santana sat in the front seat of the car; and simply cried. She knew that Brittany going back to New York would tempt fate. Maybe she would find her dream. Maybe she would dance; and maybe she would find someone different.


	11. Let it be

_Thanks for the reviews :) _

_Don't worry about Bram, I know I've tortured you enough with that... I actually can't stand Sam either, especially after what he and Artie said to Ryder... Such a dick move. _

_Note there's a slight time jump in this chapter which I will continue doing as it helps build the story up. _

* * *

23rd January 2019

In early December, Brittany had seen an advertisement in the paper for an audition for a spot in the 50+ dance troupe. Brittany had immediately arrived at the audition. And a week later, she had received a call back for another audition.

As she gained a spot on the dancing troupe, the several weeks of training had only begun on the second Monday in January. Training was hard. Almost ten hours every day apart from Sunday which was a day of rest.

Brittany had found her dream. But she was alone. She hadn't spoken to Sam since Santana found out. And the last time Santana had answered a call from her was on Christmas day.

It was safe to say that Brittany missed Santana, it was like losing a part of herself. It wasn't enough to say that Brittany missed Santana. It wasn't enough to say that every day felt unfulfilled because Santana wasn't there to share it with her. Santana had been more than supportive when she had mentioned auditions; but when she had managed to get a dancing job. Santana had just stopped replying.

It hurt to think that she knew practically nothing of what Santana was doing now in LA. Her mother kept her up to date with how Santana was feeling. But she wanted to know if she was writing anymore or if she had found a job. If she had moved out of her parents place.

Brittany snapped out of her thoughts by a loud cough beside her; Brittany turned to Ryder's smiling face.

"In a trance, Britt?" Ryder asked, flicking back through his book

"Yeah, just thinking about San…" Brittany said

"How are things going?" Ryder asked, turning to look at her

"We hardly talk. I call her every day. She replies with a text hours later. I just miss the small things about her." Brittany replied, rubbing the back of her neck

"Britt, you know we're leaving for Chicago next week. Maybe you should go see her… and say goodbye." Ryder suggested

Brittany bite her bottom lip, shaking her head; "I don't know. I'll ask her first."

"You don't know how long we'll be gone for." Ryder reminded her quickly before pointing towards the entrance; "See you tomorrow."

"See you." Brittany said, as she moved to pull her phone out of her bag; Brittany tugged her bag up and over her shoulder; as she walked out.

Dialing Santana's number on her phone, Brittany leaned against the brick wall outside of the training center.

"Santana?" Brittany asked, when the phone was answered up

"Hey, Britt." Santana replied

"Hey… It's been a while since we've spoken…" Brittany said, letting her bag dropped to the ground by her feet; "How are you?"

"Hasn't my mom told you?" Santana replied

"You don't even answer my calls anymore." Brittany said

"Think what you want, Brittany. It's been weeks since you've called me at normal time." Santana said

"I told you I was working at weird times." Brittany said

Santana sighed; "Did you call for something in particular or have a go at me for not answering the phone every time you call?"

"I'm not having a go at you at all." Brittany said; "I just miss talking to you. You said you'd only be a phone call away."

"I know… It's just hard, Britt. It's hard to know you're there and… I'm not." Santana said

"You could come here. I wanted you here." Brittany replied, "I wanted to be with you."

"Evidently not, Brittany… I was there… I was with you and I was happy… You weren't." Santana said

"Why do you always have to do this? I wasn't unhappy." Brittany stressed, actually kicking the wall with her shoe; "I wasn't unhappy with you."

"But you were bored." Santana mumbled; before clearing her throat; "Did you call for a reason?"

"I'm going around America for a few months… I'm not really sure yet. I wanted to see you before we start in Chicago." Brittany said

"Oh… You're already touring?" Santana asked

"It's not really touring. We're a danced troupe… Just doing some shows." Brittany said

"Well, you'll be great." Santana said

"Thanks." Brittany replied; "Can I come see you then?"

Santana stayed silent; and Brittany immediately started worrying.

"If you don't want to… It's fine." Brittany said softly; "In fact, I don't even know if I can get the time off to see you."

"Then why even bother asking me? You know what… I can't believe I even thought you'd take this seriously." Santana said

"I am taking this seriously…" Brittany quickly interjected

"I think you should just focus on your dancing." Santana said

Brittany sighed softly; ran her fingers through her hair; "What are you saying?"

"I think… maybe this separation isn't temporary." Santana replied softly

Brittany let her head tilt back until it rested upon the brick wall; "So you're not in this relationship anymore? You don't wanna be with me anymore?"

"I'm saying that you're happy with dancing… and you're going away for a few months… and you don't need a wife hanging around you." Santana said softly

"What are you saying exactly?" Brittany asked

"I'm saying that you haven't been the same woman I married for a while… And maybe I should have noticed it before now." Santana replied

"I'm happy now… Dancing and you… It's all I wanted." Brittany said, trying to stop Santana from continuing what she was saying.

Santana released a deep sigh, scratching her temple; "You're leaving for a few months, Britt… Just do what you want. Don't worry about us…"

"San" Brittany started

"Don't worry about us, Britt… I said I'll wait for you… and I will." Santana said

Brittany then heard the click of Santana hanging up the phone. Brittany stood up, placing her phone into her bag, she began tugging it up her shoulder. As Brittany began walking towards where she had parked Santana's car.

"Pierce…" Kitty called making Brittany turn round to glance at them; "Are you free tonight?"

Brittany nodded; "Yeah…"

"A few of us are going dancing tonight, getting ourselves in the mood for tour." Kitty said with a small grin; "We're meeting at Pulse… around about 9."

"Oh… Cool… I'll see you then." Brittany said

Kitty smiled; "See you then, Britt."

Brittany nodded, and waved before climbing into her vehicle. Brittany began driving out of the parking area, when her phone rang. Seeing Marley name light up across her phone, she leaned forward and pressed on speakerphone.

"Marley?" Brittany answered

"Oh… Hey, Britt…" Marley replied

"Hey…" Brittany said, turning the car on to the main round; "Is something wrong?"

"Tina and I, we're having a girl's night in… Wondering if you wanna join?" Marley asked

"I'm busy tonight. Rain check though?" Brittany replied

Marley sighed softly; "Of course, Erm… Send my love to Santana, will you? She's not answering her phone."

"Oh… She's a little busy. I'll tell her." Brittany said

"Thanks… I'll talk to you soon, okay?" Marley replied

"I guess so… Bye." Brittany said

Brittany pressed on the end call button, slowly rolling her eyes at Marley's attempt to keep an eye on her. She didn't need a baby sitter, someone to go straight back to Santana and tell her everything which she had done or said. She just wished people would take a step back out of her marriage. She knew she had hurt Santana, and Marley was obviously protective of her friend; but she was trying to fix things herself.

Brittany arrived back at her house, parking outside. She quickly climbed out of the vehicle and grabbed her bag. She walked inside, closing the door behind her.

Brittany walked to the kitchen, and made herself a quick meal of grilled cheese. Taking quick bites as she made her way upstairs towards the bedroom.

Brittany called Kitty to make plans to get a taxi with her; to the club. Kitty agreed, as it was the easier thing to do. After the phone call, Brittany finished eating, and immediately jumped into a quick shower. Brittany called a cab for nine, she then dressed in a tight black skirt and a white sheer blouse.

Kitty stepped out of the cab, turning back to help Brittany out. They immediately walked to the doors, paying the entrance fee as they moved along towards the bar.

"There's Brody…" Kitty said, linking her arms with Brittany's, she instantly tugged her towards Brody who was leaning against the bar.

"Hey guys..." Brody said, with a wide smile, as he wrapped each of his arms around Brittany and Kitty; "Ryder's here too…"

"Cool…" Kitty said, licking her lips; "Shall we order shots?"

"No, Miss Wilde… We're dancing." Brody said, grabbing her hand; "Coming Britt?"

"Maybe later… I'm gonna get a drink." Brittany said with a small smile

Kitty turned to Brittany; "Are you sure?"

"Go dance… I'll meet you out there." Brittany said

Kitty smiled; tugging Brittany into a quick hug; "Thank you…"

Brittany laughed; "Go…"

Kitty smirked and grabbed Brody's hand, letting him lead her towards the dance floor. Brittany turned to the bar, leaning on to the counter; "Excuse me… Can I get two tequila shots… Actually, Sambuca?"

The bartender took the 20 dollar bill from her fingers before returning with her change and two shots glasses.

Brittany licked her lips as she picked up the first glass, tipping the warm liquid down her throat. Brittany licked her lips as the rush of liquid fire ran down her gullet, welcoming the taste. She then reached for the second one, and danced it. Almost choking on the liquid when a fingers tapped against her shoulder.

"Oh, Ryder… You scared me." Brittany said, placing the shot glass down, as she turned to face him.

"Sorry… Did you come with Brody?" Ryder asked, leaning against the counter

"Er, Kitty actually." Brittany replied, signalling to the bartender for two more shots; "Did you want a shot?"

"Erm, sure…" Ryder said

Brittany passed him one of the shots which were placed in front of them; they both tipped the shots down their throats.

"Dude, you totally left me!"

Brittany let the shot glass fall from her fingers at the sound of Sam's voice. She quickly turned behind her and met light brown eyes.

"Oh… Wow…. Hey, Britt." Sam said with a grin

"What are you doing here?" Brittany asked

Sam licked his lips, letting his eyes run down Brittany's figure.

"Don't look at me like that." Brittany snapped, making Sam's eyes look back at hers.

"Look at you like what?" Sam asked, kinking his eyebrow up; he shrugged his shoulders at Brittany's silence.

"Do you two know each other?" Ryder asked

"We met before…" Sam replied, "Have you order some drinks? I think there's a table at the back."

Ryder nodded; "I'll get them. Go save the table…"

Ryder turned round to tell the bartender what he wanted. Sam turned to look at Brittany, and pointed backwards to where the table was. Brittany reluctantly followed.

"How's life?" Sam asked

"Like you care." Brittany snapped

"Why are you so angry at me?" Sam replied, scratching the back of his head

"You made me out to be some… freak. I never imagined what you did. You made a pass at me." Brittany said

"Are you crazy? I never did anything." Sam said, as he laughed softly

"Stop laughing at me." Brittany replied

"I'm sorry, I just find it hilarious you asked Ryder to bring me." Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck

"I never asked Ryder to even come himself. And after everything, you're the last person I ever wanna see." Brittany snapped,

He then stepped forward, licking his lips as his eyes ran down the front of Brittany's body; "If I made you really wanna hang out with me that bad… You'll be happy to know, I'm single now… And I heard through the grapevine, that the wifey and you are separated."

It hurt to hear someone say that you and Santana were separated. Like the shock you get from jumping in the shower and cold water that's running. Literally makes a shiver run down your spine.

"I'm not doing this. You really think I'd risk losing Santana again for you?" Brittany asked, in disbelief

"I honestly don't think Santana even cares." Sam said

"Britt, are you staying at the table?" Ryder asked, picking up a tray of drinks

"No… I'm gonna find Kitty." Brittany said, walking off.

Ryder looked at Sam who shrugged in response before leading him towards a free table.

Brittany found Kitty and Brody in the center of the dance floor; Kitty immediately began dancing up behind her as Brody began grinding against her front making Brittany burst out laughing at the antics of her friends.

Santana rolled on to her stomach; "And she declined?"

"Yeah, said she was busy… She did rain check though. I think maybe dancing practice is taking it out of her… She's still working at the diner." Marley replied

"I guess so…" Santana mumbled, licking her lips; "Did she say where she was going?"

"San, why don't you just… ask her?" Marley questioned

"Because I don't know if she'll tell me the truth." Santana said, "It's been a few months… and I have no idea if she's still seeing the Diner guy…"

"I think his name's Sam." Marley interjected

Santana laughed dryly; "Didn't really need to know that… But you know, she could be still seeing him… I don't know what the whole thing was. She admitted that she obviously was attracted to him."

"Maybe it was just some excitement." Marley said

Santana sighed; "I hate that."

Marley hummed; "I know you do… but Brittany's really does love you."

"I know… I just… I feel like she hasn't been completely honest with me." Santana said

"Why didn't you agree to meet her…? She's leaving soon." Marley said softly

"I don't know… I just think like she's not at the stage that I am." Santana replied, turning so she landed on to her back; "I'm married… I've accepted that my life is this… or was that… I went to work, came home to my beautiful wife… Had lunch with our best friends on Saturday… Watched old movies with her in bed on Sundays…"

"San, maybe she just got a little too used to it. I know a routine's good but… Maybe she felt the spark go or something." Marley suggested

Santana sighed deeply; "I think she loves me… I'm just not sure she's in love with me."

"You know that's not true. Brittany loves you so much." Marley said

"I know… I'm just going crazy, you know…" Santana mumbled

"You're crazy, Lopez." Marley said softly, a hint of teasing within her tone.

"Thank you… for telling me to stop doubting things I know are true." Santana said

"You know I'm here for you. I want nothing more than you and Britt to be together and happy…" Marley replied

"Yeah, I know… I should go though. I'll call you tomorrow." Santana said, scratching her lower back

"Okay, I'll talk to you then. I'll see Britt too… Check she's okay." Marley replied

"Oh… Thank you." Santana responded

Marley smiled; "Night, San."

"Night." Santana replied, before hanging up the phone.

Santana rolled over and placed her phone beside her bedside table, before lying back in the middle of the bed. Wondering whether she was simply trying to talk herself out of believing Brittany.


	12. Yesterday

_Thanks for all the reviews and support. _:)

_All chapters will be skipping several weeks or months... But the plot will remain._

_If anyone is willing to help me... I would appreciate a beta... Just PM me if you have the time. _

_Hope you enjoy this chapter :)) I think maybe 4-6 more chapters left... _

12nd February 2019

Brittany stretched her legs out wider until she was achieving the splits; Kitty walked over and dropped in front of her.

"How are you?" Kitty asked, leaning forward to stretch her back, letting her fingers touch the tips of her toes.

"Fine." Brittany said firmly, as she slowly moved her legs back to their original position; "So are you okay?"

Kitty laughed as she nodded before leaning back to meet Brittany's eyes, she smiled softly, as she rubbed the back of her thighs; "You know… I hear you at night."

Brittany looked down at her crossed legs, her fingers stroking the outline of the duck on her socks.

"I'm sorry… I knew I shouldn't have told you." Kitty said, going to stand up

"No… It's fine…" Brittany replied, tapping her palm against the floor; "Sit…"

Kitty let herself sit back down in front of Brittany; she rubbed her shoulders; "I know things aren't… good for you. But I'm here… if you wanna talk."

"I just… I miss her, you know." Brittany whispered, looking up to meet Kitty's eyes.

Kitty moved forward, and squeezed Brittany's hand; "I get it… It's only been a few weeks… She's probably misses you too."

"She could call… Or she could answer my calls… I miss her a lot." Brittany said

"Can I be totally honest with you?" Kitty asked

Brittany nodded

"You need to own up to the fact that you don't just want Santana… You want this. You want to dance… You want the freedom to dance." Kitty said

"Santana wants me to dance." Brittany said

"So why is she ignoring your calls?" Kitty asked

"This is great, Kitty! My wife's ignoring me and you're rubbing it in my face." Brittany said

"No, I'm not… If she wants you here, then why is she ignoring you?" Kitty asked

"I don't know." Brittany snapped; "If she would answered my calls, I'd find out."

Kitty nodded; "Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You're bound to miss her… It can't be good on a marriage to be gone from each other, especially when you're having problems."

Brittany nodded, rubbing her hands together; "I think she's not in this anymore."

"What?" Kitty asked

"She said that our separation wasn't temporary last time we spoke." Brittany said, running her fingers through her hair, she sighed deeply; "I think she's moving on from me… Why else isn't she talking to me? I know I'm not forgiven yet… God, all I want is her."

Kitty sucked her lips into her mouth, trying to think of the right thing to say; "Britt, maybe… Why don't you give writing a chance? I mean if she's not answering her phone."

Brittany looked up at Kitty with an unsure expression, Kitty smiled softly; tapping her fingers against Brittany's knee; "Think about it… Okay?"

"Thanks, Kit." Brittany said

Kitty winked and then stood up, walking out of the room. Brittany stood up, and grabbed her bag. She ignored all the other dancers as she began walking towards her hotel room which she shared with Kitty.

Jumping on to her bed, she leaned over and grabbed a few sheets of paper which was the hotels.

_Dear Santana _– Too formal

_To Santana_ – Too informal.

Brittany threw the pen across the floor, in frustration. She couldn't even write the introduction, never mind a whole letter. Brittany flinched at the touch of someone else, before recognizing Kitty's hand on her shoulder.

"I take that it didn't go well." Kitty said

"I can't write to her, Kit… What do I say? She knows I love her, she knows I'm sorry. She's probably just punishing me." Brittany said

"With reason, Britt." Kitty said, gently moving out-of-the-way; she picked up the sheets of paper, and grabbed a pencil off her bed; "Tell me what to write… Imagine she was here…"

"Kitty, I can't say it… I need to hear her voice." Brittany replied, looking at Kitty who was leaning back against her bed

"Well, then… Case closed. Santana will just intuitively know what's going on in your mind." Kitty said

Brittany sent Kitty a glare

"Don't glare at me." Kitty said, pointing the pencil at Brittany; "I'm trying to help you… Just talk about what you'd say. I'll write… and if you don't wanna send it… you don't have to."

Brittany bit her bottom lip, letting her teeth drag along the skin before releasing it; "Okay… But… you let me read it afterwards."

Kitty giggled; "Of course… Now, get yapping."

Brittany lied back along the bed, she let her head rest on a mixture of pillows, and clothes.

"I just… I wish you were here…I guess it feels like I've made it, without you. I know it's not true… because Santana pushed me to try to find my dream…. And dancing's always been mine." Brittany said, shifting so she could watch Kitty quickly scratch the pencil across the paper.

"Keep going." Kitty mumbled, making Brittany flush

"It's a little embarrassing." Brittany said

"You wanna dirty talk her in a letter?" Kitty asked, crinkling her nose in distaste

"God… No… I meant talking to her, to you…" Brittany explained

"Imagine I'm Santana… I love you… And I wanna hear about what's happened since we last spoke." Kitty said

Brittany hummed in thought; letting her forefinger scratch the freckle above her belly button; "I love you so much, Santana… It's hell being away from you."

Brittany turned on to her side, letting her arms wrapping around her stomach; "I know it's probably hell for you too… Time for the truth. I… I saw Sam again. Not purposely. I would never do that to you again… I… He's friends with one of the dancers. I should have told you that I saw him again… I guess since you couldn't answer the phone to me when I needed to speak."

Kitty looked up when Brittany stopped speaking; "Are you stuck?"

"I just want her to talk to me." Brittany said, sitting up; she wiped her eyes before being wrapped in Kitty's arms.

"Listen, we don't have to do this." Kitty whispered, rubbing her hand up and down Brittany's back; "I know how much you miss her."

"It feels like I'm not even married anymore, Kit. I know we're falling apart. I know it's me who caused it… because I wanted more than what I had…" Brittany said softly

"I know, Britt… I know you hate what you did." Kitty said

Brittany groaned into her hands; "You know… I lied to her so many times. She'd ask me how my day was… I'd say it was good… And it wasn't."

"Britt, I honestly don't think she cares about that… I think she's just concerned about whether you're still in love with her… Whether that's changed." Kitty said softly, placing the paper into Brittany's hands; "I got the most of it down. Maybe you can finish it."

Brittany nodded, staring down at the letter.

"I'll bring you up some dinner." Kitty mumbled, tapping Brittany's shoulder

Brittany looked up and smiled at her; "Thanks."

Kitty winked at her, before walking out of the room. Brittany looked down at the letter, she then rolled over and picked up her phone. She pressed on Santana's name, letting the phone press against her ear.

"Pick up… Pick up…" Brittany mumbled

"Hello?" Santana answered

Brittany rubbed her eyes sadly; "You don't answer my calls, San... I had to put my number as unknown for you to answer it."

Santana sighed softly; "I'm sorry okay… It was just… It's hard being away from you… especially when you're…-"

"I miss you so much… Isn't that hard for me… I hate waking up without you… I hate not even talking to you." Brittany said lightly; scratching at her leg to give her something to focus on without constantly talking at Santana.

"I miss you too… But… It's easier to not talking to you, than it is talking to you." Santana revealed

"Oh…" Brittany replied, not really expecting Santana to say that to her; "I'm sorry to bother you."

"You're not bothering me." Santana said

"I think I am." Brittany responded

Santana cleared her throat; "I've been speaking to Quinn…"

"Who's Quinn?" Brittany asked with furrow eyebrows

"Erm… Sam's wife… Well, ex-wife soon to be." Santana said

"You can't talk to me, but you can talk to some stranger?" Brittany asked in confusion

"Yeah… It's a little like déjà vu…. I mean… Sam was some stranger to you…" Santana replied

Brittany pinched the skin just behind her knee; "Erm…"

"It's whatever… I just wanted you to know that I'm talking to her… I'm trying to deal with whatever you… and Sam… are." Santana said

"We're nothing… We weren't anything. I love you, Santana…. How can I prove to you that I was never looking to cheat on you?" Brittany asked

"I guess you can't… because deep down, you wanted something… which you couldn't find in me… I don't think you've admitted everything to me." Santana said

"I have, though." Brittany stressed, slapping her hand against the mattress; "God… If I wanted to sleep with him… I would have."

"Great, Britt. Thank you for… telling me that." Santana said; "I really needed to know that if you wanted to sleep with Sam, you would have…. Now you know why I was burning with the urge to call you."

"You're making me out to be the bad person." Brittany mumbled

"You don't have to worry about me doing that. You're doing an awesome job on your own." Santana replied

"You're not even listening to me… You just wanna argue all the time. I don't get why you're doing this." Brittany said; "You've hurt me enough by dumping me."

"I haven't dumped you." Santana quickly interjected; "Did you… Did you think I had?"

"Honestly yes… You don't even bother to answer a phone call." Brittany said

"You'd honestly believe I'd dump you over the phone?" Santana asked in complete and utter confusion; "Britt, did you think separation was us being over?"

"Yeah… You pretty much ignored me after that." Brittany said softly

"We're not over, Britt…" Santana said; "We're taking some time apart…"

"Are we… still together or seeing other people?" Brittany asked

"I guess other people is an… option." Santana said

"Oh…" Brittany mumbled

Santana hummed; "I guess you should probably go… hang out with your friends."

"I saw Sam… A few weeks ago." Brittany blurted out, she didn't know why she said it, honestly she just wanted to talk to Santana, and that was the first thing which popped into her head.

"Oh…" Santana said

"He's friends with one of the dancers… And I saw him… We spoke… He told me that he was single." Brittany said, biting the tip of the pencil; "I just thought I"

"You know what, Britt? You must be creaming bravado… You have a go at me for painting you as the bad guy… Then you ask if we're even together… Then you talk about Sam being single." Santana said in total disbelief as she interrupted Brittany; "Honestly, go fuck Sam… I don't even know why I'm wasting my time on you and this utter sham of a marriage… You think there's not hundreds of women out in LA who wouldn't want me; I offered you everything, and you didn't want it… I'm just supposed to wait around until you do? Don't call me again, not until you're gonna have some respect."

Brittany heard the clang of Santana slamming the phone down. She lied back in confusion. She was just trying to be honest to Santana about everything which was happening. She had just assumed Santana would want to know if she had been in contact with Sam, which she hadn't apart from the night where she saw him at the club.

Brittany couldn't stand why Santana had assumed that she wanted to see other people and that she wanted to sleep with Sam. She didn't want to be free to see other people; she wanted to see her wife, and sleep with her wife.

Brittany curled up against her pillow, trying to understand how to sort things out with Santana; and to think it was Valentine's Day in two days. Brittany glanced back down at the half written letter. If she finished the letter before 7pm, she could send it today, meaning it would probably reach Santana on Valentine's Day.

Brittany had never written so fast in all her life. The pencil ran across the paper like it was the words were just innately there. Brittany signed it with a kiss; before standing up, she ripped open the door, bumping into Kitty.

"Where are you going? I got food." Kitty called after her

"I need to fix my marriage." Brittany shouted, as she rushed round a corner

"Women…" Kitty mumbled, as she closed the door behind her.


	13. Hey Jude

_Thanks for all the reviews :) _

_A huge thank you to bodybroke who is now my beta :) She's super awesome._

_I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

14th February 2019

Santana walked down from her bedroom, her recently showered hair lay damp against her mint green vest; she moved around her mother to pour herself a mug of coffee.

"You got a letter." Maribel said softly, tapping her daughter's hip with a baby pink envelope.

Santana took a half glance at the colour before resuming sipping her coffee. Placing her mug down, she began opening it.

_Dear Santana_

_To Santana._

_ I wish you were here. _

_Simple to say, too simple to say. I honestly don't care. I made my dream come true, and you're not here to celebrate with me. You pushed me to do this even after… I hurt you. I betrayed you, and that's why you did this… because you're such a great person, and I love you for it. _

_It's hell, literally hell without you. Minutes are like days, days are like months. I can't believe I haven't seen you in three months… November… God, it feels like I'm always missing something. A part of me. I know it's you… and I know how cliché it is of me to say that._

_Would you dance with me? I've forgotten how many times we actually danced with each other. I think the last time was our honeymoon. In Florence… You were always so beautiful when you danced… I hoped you'd become a dancer… But writing was always your passion._

_Can I resent you? You mentioned that you held me back before… Straight out of college. I wanted to dance… I went to a few auditions without… happiness. Am I able to hate that you were allowed to achieve your dream and I wasn't? _

_Of course I could never resent you. It would be like resenting ducks for having wings instead of arms. You're my wife, and you needed me, and I was always going to be there. And I always will. As you said, I'm only a phone call away._

_Speaking of phone calls, after our last disastrous phone call. I decided not to call again. Writing is your forte, so I'll appeal to that. I will not ever sleep with Sam. Never. First of all, he's nothing compared to you… And second, he was simply an object. It doesn't even matter anymore. He was there to simply excite me. Not in a sexual way. But life in the diner became the same. Each day. And instead of talking to you, about a change… I lied, and betrayed your trust. _

_You're my first love, Santana. And you'll be my last. _

_Seeing other people, I hope you read this letter before you tend to the hundreds of single lesbian/bisexual women who are probably queuing up for you. I never wanted to see other people. A separation confused me. I thought we were over. You were ignoring my calls. I assumed the worst. This can work, we can be together, but apart while we sort our issues out. I love you, so much that… There's nothing we can't overcome. _

_Please, write back. The address is on the back of the envelope. _

_Yours, so ever faithfully._

_Brittany._

After reading the letter, Santana took her coffee to her room, closing the door; she immediately began calling Brittany.

"Hello?" Kitty's rough voice answered

"Who is this?" Santana asked, not knowing who had Brittany's phone

"Kitty… Wilde… You can call me baby, especially on V day." Kitty mumbled, before she cried out in pain; "Shit, Britt… That hurt."

"Shut up… San, is that you?" Brittany asked

Santana hummed softly; "Yeah… I got your letter… Happy Valentine's day."

"I wish I could spend it with you." Brittany said

"Yeah… I'm sorry about our phone call… I just went completely crazy on you. I thought you were trying to tell me that now that we were taking some time apart… and Sam was single, you were gonna try him." Santana said, letting her head slowly tilt backwards until it hit the wooden headboard; "I'm sorry about that. I know you must have been so mad at me."

"I was just confused… It seems like all we do is not talk and not listen." Brittany said softly

"I know… It's hard, Britt. It's so hard to talk to you when I feel like… I don't even know you anymore…" Santana revealed sadly; "In the whole of our relationship… I have ever thought that you'd do something like this… Or that I could ever ignore you. But…. Things happen, and you find the truth of a person."

Brittany scratched her head, not really understanding what Santana was trying to say. She looked over at Kitty who was watching her.

"Santana, what is this for us? Are we still together… Are we seeing other people… What's going on? Are we actually dealing with our problems?" Brittany asked

"I don't think a few phone calls when we're both free is going to solve anything." Santana said honestly

"I want to try, Santana." Brittany replied, tugging on the end of her sleeve; "Don't you wanna try?"

"I love you, Britt… I'd try anything if it meant keeping our relationship… I just… I have so many doubts. You got bored with us once… What's stopping it from happening again?" Santana mused, scratching her stomach over her vest

"Because I'm not an idiot… If I'm bored, I'm gonna talk to you… I'm not gonna hide anything from you ever again." Brittany said

Santana sighed lightly; "I think you're right, we should at least try…"

"Okay… We can start now." Brittany said

"Start how?" Santana asked

Brittany hummed, licking her dry pink lips; "I think we need to be completely honest. I think you need to tell me exactly how you feel."

"I feel cheated honestly. You went to a complete stranger… Ignoring the fact he's a guy which makes me feel like you did want an affair… He was a complete stranger, and you felt more than comfortable talking to him, than talking to me." Santana replied; "That made me feel worthless. I wasn't even on your radar… I know I'm not that good at talking about important things but I have always shown how much I love you."

Brittany lightly sighed; "You think I wanted an affair? Santana, I have never wanted anyone else but you… Was I attracted to Sam? Yes, he's good-looking… and he made me feel at ease… He came to the diner, and I didn't focus on how every day felt the same."

"I get you had attractions… I get them too… But you went out of your way to befriend him… Didn't you realise how that would make me feel?" Santana asked

"No… I never even thought about you finding out, or you feeling worthless… I just completely forgot about everything." Brittany said softly

Santana ran her fingers through her hair, brushing any strands out of her eyes; "You still lied, Britt… Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out… That someone wouldn't find out?"

"I know Marley told you… She was the right to tell you… I guess I didn't want you to know because I knew you'd stop me." Brittany said

"You don't have to stop speaking to him… You can do what you want… You just won't have me if you do." Santana replied; "I'm supposed to be your wife… and I've never felt more than a stranger to you. I have no idea what's going on with you… And the worst part is I don't know if I want to know."

"Santana, you know how much I regret this. I never should have done it. You know I'm sorry. I made you feel so… bad about yourself. I know how my actions have affected us." Brittany said softly; "I love you so much… It's killing me to be apart from you."

Santana sighed deeply, almost sadly; "I love you too… But this is for the best, Britt… You get to have the freedom you needed."

"I don't need freedom." Brittany said

"You don't need a wife hanging over you." Santana stated simply; "You're a dancer, you're on tour… This is a separation… which allows you to do whatever you need to… and for me to try to get over you lying to me…"

"So what's going on between us?" Brittany asked

"We'll talk… more often… and we'll rebuild the trust between us." Santana said

"And we're allowed to see other people?" Brittany questioned

"You're gonna be away from me for a few more months… I think if you need someone… Then you don't have to worry about me." Santana said

"So you won't let me be friends with someone but I can fuck someone?" Brittany asked

"You lied to me about it, Britt. I'm not stopping you from having friends, just be honest with me… And now, we're not exclusive, we're separated so you can fuck Sam, your dancer friends, anyone you want…" Santana said

"Fine." Brittany stated

"Britt, you know it's just because I don't wanna force you to do anything you don't want to. I've tried to control you since we began dating. Forcing you to go to the same college, go to New York with me… Get married… get a boring job… You've done everything I asked because you loved me…" Santana said softly; "This time I'm letting you have a choice… You're not bound to me just because we're married… Just be yourself."

"Santana, I don't wanna lose you." Brittany murmured, trying to avoid Kitty's curious gaze

"You won't… Even if we fail… I'll always be in your life." Santana replied

"Just not as my wife, right?" Brittany asked

"If we can't fix things than no…" Santana replied; "But I want to fix things, and so do you."

"So we'll talk more often… and try fix our marriage?" Brittany asked

"Exactly… Listen, I have to go… I've got an interview for a magazine." Santana said

"I'm sure you'll get it." Brittany said, scratching the back of her neck; "Do you need me to send you so more clothes?"

"Don't worry about it… I'll sort it out." Santana replied

"I'll speak to you soon then." Brittany murmured

"Enjoy your show, okay?" Santana replied, before hanging up,

Brittany let the phone drop from her ear; Kitty crinkled her nose at Brittany.

"What happened with your lady-love?" Kitty asked

"We're… We're gonna talk more," Brittany said

"That's what you wanted, right?" Kitty questioned

"I guess so…" Brittany mumbled; taking a seat on the edge of her bed; "She's… She said we can see other people… Is that a bad thing?"

Kitty pursed her lips; "I guess it depends on the couple… If Santana slept with someone tonight, would you be okay with that?"

"I guess I'd have to be… She's told me that we can see other people." Brittany said

Kitty clapped her hands together; "Look at it this way… It's been a long time to be with just one person… Maybe some time apart will be beneficial…"

Brittany bit her bottom lip; "I don't know… Maybe Santana does."

"Maybe you both need to. We've been together since high school. It's a really long time." Kitty said softly; "I'm not saying sleep with everyone… but don't just put it off the table."

Brittany hummed in thought; "I just get the feeling that if I see someone else… Then I will lose Santana for good."

"She wouldn't say that you could if you can't, Britt…" Kitty replied, walking over to Brittany, she slapped her shoulder; "Think about it… while you get me some snacks."

Brittany tipped her head back to laugh; "You're such a bitch…"

"Own it." Kitty called behind her, as she slammed the door to the bathroom.


	14. Penny Lane

_Thanks for all reviews. I will hurry up the angst, don't worry :) _

_A big thank you to bodybroke who is totes awesome at being a beta. _

_Hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

6th March 2019

Brittany and Santana had talked more often since their most truthful conversation. Their relationship, although taking a small bout of separation, was seemingly better than before. Phone calls were often, and filled with stories of shows that had been fun or stories that had been hell to write. They were long and deep, sharing themselves as well as they could when they were so far apart. Santana found herself trusting Brittany again, which scared her. She could see herself forgiving Brittany for lying, for hiding things from her.

Santana just didn't know why she even suggested seeing other people. She knew deep down that it would probably hurt their relationship more, especially at this rather fragile stage. Honestly, Santana just wanted Brittany to be certain that it was her that she wanted deep down. That she wasn't just bored with her job but with her whole life. Santana just wanted Brittany to be certain that she was in love with her before they tried to fix it; and maybe seeing other people would provide Brittany with the clarity she needed.

Brittany stretched out on the mat which was lying along the gym floor and leaned forward to let her leg muscles stretch out. She was covered in a light shine of sweat from her recent work out and was currently involved in warming down.

A muffled vibration came from her sports bra. Letting out a deep sigh, she reached out and pulled her phone out. Clicking on answer, she placed it against her ear; "Hello?"

"I can't believe you, Britt," Tina snapped; "First you have to make out that you're cheating on her; and then you force her to move back to her parents. What is wrong with you, Britt? You can't treat your wife like that,"

"Tina-"Brittany started

"No, you… I thought you would never do this. You always seem so in love and now… You're dancing while Santana's in LA," Tina interjected; "I never would have thought you'd do this… and especially not to her... God, No wonder she's seeing other people,"

"I made a mistake, Tina… Should I have to pay with everything? Santana's practically left me … I haven't spoken to you or Mike in months… I've lost enough… So don't have a go at me for doing something. I know what I did wrong… But you have no right to ever criticise me for a mistake I made." Brittany snapped, standing up to dab a towel along her forehead; "Don't bother calling me again if you're just gonna say this again…"

Brittany hung up the phone; pushing it back down her sports bra, she walked down the corridor towards the changing room Kitty was drying her hair with a small white towel. Tina's words running round her mind; _No wonder she's seeing other people. _Brittany couldn't help but wonder if that was the whole reason she suggested the option.

"Fucking towel drying sucks." Kitty mumbled, as she let the towel drop to her feet; she looked up and met Brittany's upset expression; "Britt, what's wrong?"

Brittany wrapped her arms around Kitty's waist, trying to keep her tears from falling. She sniffed loudly, wiping her eyes; "Just one of my friends. They called to have a go at me for making Santana move to LA. I didn't make her do anything…"

"I know, kid… She wanted to stay with her parents… It's not your fault." Kitty said, letting her palm rub up and down Brittany's back; "Come on… I'll treat you for ice cream."

Brittany pulled back, wiping her eyes with a small giggle; "Thanks, Kit… Strawberry?"

"Of course…" Kitty said, rubbing Brittany's upper arm; "Get changed… I need to call Brody… I'll meet you outside."

Brittany nodded softly and turned towards her locker before she turned round to meet Kitty's back as she walked towards the door.

"Kit, can we reschedule… I just wanna call Santana on her lunch break?" Brittany asked

"You do what you want, Britt. Ice cream after, okay?" Kitty replied, with a grin; "Keep me posted on your girl."

"I will…" Brittany replied smiling as Kitty winked at her before walking out of the changing room.

Brittany finished changing quickly and made her way back to her hotel room. Slamming the door behind, she threw herself onto her bag, letting her gym bag drop to the ground.

Fumbling with bag, she pulled her phone out and sighed in relief as she rolled on to her back.

Santana sighed deeply, closing the word document after she had sent it to her boss. Picking up her phone, she smiled softly at Brittany's name across the screen.

_Talk now? – Britt_

_In 15… Just leaving work. – San_

_Sounds good - Britt_

Santana slipped her phone into her bag, before picking up a bundle of files and walking out of her office. Closing the door, she walked out of the building, towards the coffee shop.

Brittany threw her phone onto her bed, as she rubbed her face, before groaning as she sat down on the edge of her bed, lying back against the soft mattress.

Santana sipped her coffee as she began walking towards her parked car and she pressed her phone against her ear.

"Hey." Santana said softly

"Hey." Brittany replied

Santana rubbed the back of her neck slowly; "How are-?"

"Are you seeing someone?" Brittany asked quickly, interrupting Santana as she was starting to ask. Brittany sighed deeply; "I need to know if you said we could see other people…because you have someone… Is… Have you been seeing someone?"

Santana leaned back against her car seat; "I'm not seeing anyone…"

"Then why suggest it? We're never gonna make us work if we're seeing other people." Brittany snapped angrily; "Do you want me to move on or do you just want an excuse to end it for good?"

"I don't want you to be bound to me purely due to the fact we're married. I want you to want me like you did when we first met… That uncontrollable desire… It's gone… I don't know if you want me or if you're simply being with me because you feel like you owe it to me." Santana replied, softly

"I love you… I've never felt this way about anyone; and you think I'd want to waste that for some meaningless fling with some stranger…" Brittany replied, sitting up and crossing her legs; "Santana, I don't want this to be us. I want you… Just you. God, I'm willing to wait for you to be ready… I know I hurt you, but I want us to be together."

Santana nodded slowly, trying to gather what to say, how to reply correctly; "Britt, I need you to be certain that you want me… Can't you understand that? I don't want us to be happy for 5 more years… and then you find another person to befriend… Only it's them who you want instead."

"You think I'd want anyone but you? God, Santana… No one comes close to you, or what you mean to me." Brittany replied, scratching below her knee; "How can I prove that to you?"

"I guess you can't… You just have to show me." Santana murmured; "Britt, you're telling me that seeing other people is completely stupid but… What the hell were you doing with Sam? Telling him your secrets, braiding his hair?"

"There's no reason to get sarcastic." Brittany mumbled

"I'm sorry… I should go befriend some girl who I wanna bang… And then hide it from you… because apparently that's normal." Santana replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm

Santana released a deep sigh, rubbing her temple as she glanced around the nearly empty parking lot; "Britt, I don't know what you wanted from Sam. I've probably asked a million times… and I probably will never know. You were bored with your life… and you went to a stranger… So if you're bored with us… How do I know you're not just gonna find someone else to fill that spot? You don't talk to me anymore. I knew nothing about your job… Because you obviously didn't trust me enough to tell me."

"You know it wasn't even about Sam. It could have been anyone…" Brittany replied

"But it wasn't… Who started it, Britt? You should have been honest to me… and yourself." Santana said softly; before clearing her throat; "You wanted to sleep with him, didn't you?" She added raising her voice.

"No… I didn't. If I wanted to sleep with someone else, I would have told you that things weren't working." Brittany mumbled in response

"Things weren't working for you anyway… and you didn't bother telling me." Santana argued back

Brittany groaned in frustration, not understanding why Santana was being so stubborn; "We're never gonna get anywhere. You don't believe me, you don't listen to me…"

"So you didn't wanna sleep with Sam… Why didn't you tell me then? If it was innocent… and nothing was going on… Why hide it?" Santana asked

"Because you have no idea how crap my life was, San. You were so happy… and I wasn't. How could I tell you that?" Brittany asked

"We're married, Brittany. If you wanna have secrets, you should probably find yourself a divorce lawyer… I'm not having you hide things from me." Santana snapped in response, she reached forward to pinch the ridge of her nose, trying to quench the sudden burst of anger which was threatening to explode; "I don't think we've solved any problems… You don't even admit that hiding Sam from me wasn't the right thing to do… If you don't wanna see other people, don't… but the option's there… because I refuse to forgive you and put all my trust back in you… For you to screw me over later on."

"I'm not gonna do that. Santana, honestly, do you really believe that I'd lie to your face… I've practically lost you… I'm not interested in anyone but you." Brittany murmured; "You have to believe me."

"You know how much I want to… But I can't…. You said it yourself, our marriage is practically in ruins… We're arguing all the time… You have nothing left to lose, so why wouldn't you lie to me again?" Santana questioned

"You're over thinking this, baby. I love you… God, I love you. I would never say I did if I wasn't being truthful about my feelings… So I'll bite my tongue. The option's there… You know me… I'm not going to sleep with anyone unless it's you. You don't have to believe me or trust me… But I'll show you that I'm one hundred per cent involved in this relationship." Brittany said softly, she released a shaky breath; "Don't hate me, San… I'm sorry for hurting you, but just don't hate me…"

"I could never hate you." Santana whispered softly

Brittany released a sigh of relief almost. "Okay… Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow…"

"Okay… Goodnight, Britt." Santana replied

"Night." Brittany murmured, before hanging up. Letting the phone drop to the cushioned mattress beneath her. She ran both hands through her hair, breathing in deeply as she wondered whether or not she should have persuaded Santana that they were the real deal. That their love was wasting right now by their inability to take a leap of faith and trust each other.


	15. The victory was always ours

_Thanks for all the reviews :)_

_A big thank you to bodybroke for being amazing. _

_Sorry for the wait... I broke my laptop, so I literally had to beg for a new one... Don't go to uni, you're literally broke, every day. _

_Enjoy :)_

18th April 2019

Quinn ran her fingers through her short blonde locks; letting a deep sig escape her mouth as her hazel eyes ran over Santana's almost ruffled appearance.

"San, be honest with yourself. Brittany isn't innocent but she's hardly to blame entirely," Quinn replied softly

"I know she's not innocent but I don't trust myself to judge her anymore. I'm too harsh on her, and it sucks because every time we speak I hear her and she's still my wife," Santana murmured gently; lifting her eyes from her mug; "Honestly, I never thought we'd go through this,"

Quinn pursed her lips as her thoughts ran wild; "Maybe you do judge her too harshly. She's not a sweet little angel, Santana. She's a mere human; and God knows how many mistakes we've made,"

Santana rolled her eyes at Quinn's almost preaching tone; before nodding softly; "You're right. I've been placing Brittany on a pedestal… She can't do anything but fall short of what I expect,"

Quinn licked her pale pink lips softly as she quirked her eyebrow up at Santana; "Want me to be brutally honest?"

Santana smirked; "Don't hold back on my account."

Quinn winked before shifting forward, brushing her dress to avoid any wrinkles; "You're probably unbelievably disappointed in Brittany; and I'm not saying you're not in the right to not be. I just think you're being slightly manipulative in the way you treat her… especially after you found out. God, San… You tried to test her… You tested her faithfulness,"

"I'm manipulative. Coming from you this is hilarious," Santana replied

"You may think this is funny; but you nearly caused your marriage to fall apart. You actually tried to play your wife for a fool, San. If that is funny for you-"Quinn trailed off as Santana's glare increased

"I was wrong to do that. I know it was stupid, even childish. Part of me just wanted her to sleep with someone just so I'd feel validated for having doubts about her…. And the other part… I knew she'd want to prove that it would only ever be me," Santana replied honestly, letting her fingers thread together; "You know how terrible I felt to do that to her… She's so good that it hurts to know she can disappoint me, so easily,"

Quinn nodded softly; "I get it She's everything which is great. She's not naive, San. She knew that reaching out to Sam was both risky and stupid. She's not single anymore; and a marriage means that you put your secrets in the open because you know how damaging they can be if they're not,"

"I just… I really miss her, Q… You know I never wanted to do this to her. I never wanted to just… and catch her out. I love her… And I'm an idiot for doing this… But it's the only way to know for certain," Santana revealed sadly; her chocolate eyes blurring over through unshed tears.

Quinn smiled sympathetically; "I understand… but you're the one who moved back in with your parents. You left before you could even talk about taking breaks and stuff…"

Santana rolled her eyes; "Don't remind me. My dad avoids that I'm there and my mom thinks I'm there because my marriage is falling apart…,"

"Is things not good with your dad?" Quinn asked

"He's… He's never got over the fact I'm gay… I'm an only child so I knew he was disappointed. I wasn't what he wanted in the first place. He wanted a boy," Santana replied, leaning back to scratch the base of her neck; "Anyway, I was closer to my mother…"

"Santana, things at home aren't good… Why don't you come back to New York? It's your home… It's where Brittany is… Where all your friends are." Quinn said

"I'm happy here." Santana replied, glancing up at Quinn; "I'm focused on work… I just miss Britt… I miss seeing her… I haven't seen her in months,"

Quinn nodded

"Are we gonna ignore the bruises on your wrist, Quinn?" Santana asked softly; her eyes flickering up to meet Quinn's.

"You know… It's… Sam tried to stop me from storming out… You think Brittany was the first girl he's tried to sleep with? It isn't… I've found many amounts of phone numbers… Which he's lied about. Oh baby, that was a woman's number who wanted a plumbing job." Quinn replied, shaking her head slightly in disbelief; "I've been so stupid to believe his lie… You know Brittany came round after you must have found out… He made out like she was the one living in fantasy… That Sam hadn't been coming on to her…"

Santana swallowed thickly

"Brittany was in the wrong; she knew Sam was coming on to her… and she didn't stop him…. But Sam's intention was to sleep with Brittany… And as soon as it happened, he would have thrown her aside…" Quinn continued; "Maybe Brittany just needed someone who understood her… but Sam didn't care about her…"

Santana hummed in thought; wondering about Brittany. Quinn shifted forward, pushing a return ticket to Massachusetts for the 30th April.

"You need to fix your marriage, San. If Sam was actually sorry, and he was in love with me… Like Brittany was with you. I wouldn't be here… wasting a chance to fix things," Quinn said softly, wearing a small smile; "You need to see her face to face... You'll never sort things out, not with this distance."

Santana smiled softly; "Quinn, this is too much… I can't afford to pay you back… I'm literally broke now,"

Quinn giggled; "Santana, I like you… I really do. You're funny… and I feel like you're a great friend to have… So please fix your marriage…"

Santana licked her lips lightly; before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Quinn's neck, gently pulling her into a tight hug.

"Oh God… Thank you, so much for this…" Santana murmured, her chin resting on Quinn's shoulder; relief washing through her body; as Quinn giggled softly.

"It's fine, seriously. You and Britt… You need her… and she needs you," Quinn murmured, pulling away to look at Santana's face; "She's what you need, San,"

"Thank you for this," Santana replied, glancing down at the ticket; "I can never repay for this…"

"Fix your marriage, Santana. I lost mine because he wasn't in love with me... You can't lose her; not when you both love each other," Quinn said

Santana sighed deeply; "I'll fix things… I promise… I'm not gonna lose her,"

Quinn smiled; squeezing Santana's hand; "I should go. I have a job tomorrow. I'll call you before I leave,"

Santana stood up; and wrapped her arms around Quinn once more; before pulling back, wearing a small smile; "Thank you again, Q,"

"Keep smiling… and just remember why you fell in love with her. She's still the same person," Quinn replied softly, she then pulled her bag over her shoulder; before turning to walk out of the coffee shop.

Santana looked down at the ticket; a warmth spreading through her at the thought at seeing Brittany in so long. Talking to her was good but seeing her was going to be different.

Pressing on her phone, Santana placed her phone against her ear; after a few rings; a warm voice answered.

"Santana Lopez calling me… What do I owe to this honour?" Kitty asked, her tone dripping in sarcasm

"I'm coming to Boston… on the 30th of April. I wanna surprise Brittany. Can you help me?" Santana asked

"Well, you came to the right girl. Because she will simply adore you for even being there. On the 30th April… You could come to the show… and meet her afterwards. I hate to brag but we're really good; and Brittany would love if you could see her." Kitty replied

"That sounds great actually. Is there a hotel nearby?" Santana asked

"Girl, you can share Brittany's. I'll move somewhere else." Kitty replied softly

"Thank you… She'll like that I'm surprising her right." Santana said

"She'll love it." Kitty murmured; "Your girl's here… So I'll text you the details. And thank you for doing this. She's a mess without you."

"Thank you… for helping." Santana said

"Okay, goodbye." Kitty said

"Bye." Santana replied; before she hung up; placing her phone down beside the ticket.

* * *

a/n:- I think the next chapter (Chapter 16) will be rated M. Just a slight warning before.


	16. Nothing is real

_Thanks for all the reviews :) And to my fantastic beta, bodybroke :)_

_I think around 6 more chapters... And I know people are annoyed that the time gap between now and the first chapter. Keep in mind that Brittana don't have to be apart from each other during the time gap._

_Note the rating change _

* * *

30th April 2019

Walking out of the exit of Logan International Airport; Santana struggled with the bag that was resting against her shoulder as she leaned forward over the curb to signal for a cab. Climbing inside the vehicle, she gave the address of the Wang Theatre to the driver, who nodded silently and began driving to the drop-off point.

Santana slipped out of the vehicle, she walked around the corner to the hotel which was next to the theatre, Santana flinched when warm hands wrapped around her middle

"Fuck…" Santana mumbled as Kitty's face came into view; "Who the hell are you?"

"Kitty Wilde… Brittany's… pal," Kitty explained softly; "We spoke on the phone."

Santana giggled in embarrassment; "Sorry… It's nice to put a face to the name.. and voice."

"Yeah, you too. Well… I've seen your picture… Listen, I got your text. It's room 328. Don't worry, our show starts in an hour… We're practicing now. Here's your ticket. It's in the middle. Just so she won't see you," Kitty rambled, passing Santana both a key to the hotel room and a ticket to the show.

"Oh…Thanks," Santana replied, holding the key tightly; as she slipped the ticket into her bag; "I'll see you after the show,"

"Yeah… Before you snap your girl up for the next few days," Kitty mumbled

Santana laughed; "You should go… I don't want Britt to notice,"

"Okay, see you later," Kitty called as she began walking round the corner towards the theatre. Santana wasted no time and began walking up to the hotel room. Slipping the key into the door, she pushed it open and walked inside. Letting the door close behind her, she placed a bag on the floor beside the bed, before walking into the en suite bathroom.

After freshening up, and changing into a new shirt; rubbing a new coat of lip gloss along her bottom lip; she grabbed her purse and began walking out of the hotel room; towards the entrance of the hotel.

Santana walked through the entrance doors of the Wang Theatre, lining up outside the main doors into the seating area for the ground floor. Santana reached in and switched her phone on, sending a quick good luck to Brittany for the show. She then walked through the doors and immediately sought out her seat.

The show started at half past 7 and Santana was in awe of Brittany from the immediate start. She knew that Brittany was a great dancer; her body was just one which was meant to move. Her hips swayed in unison to the several other dancers; her thighs were strong and toned; the muscles flexed as she kicked her legs out during high kicks. Her stomach; a rigid pane of muscles that could easily make you forget what your name was.

It was Brittany's eyes which sought all of Santana's attention. The crystal blue was wild through the whole two-hour performance. The way they widened as she took a jump; how she was lifted during the end sequence. They were the gateway into Brittany's soul; and Santana regretted ever doubting her; when everything she needed to know was right there, so clearly to see.

Santana instantly walked towards the backstage to try to find Brittany; a large stocky guy pushed her back by her shoulders.

"No entrance," David mumbled

"Excuse me," Santana replied, with furrowed eyebrows

"No entrance backstage." David said

"Get Brittany Pierce, please… It's important," Santana asked

David rubbed his temple; before picking up his Walkie-Talkie; "Sebastian, get Brittany to come to the right side, please. Got a groupie for her,"

"Groupie? Do I look like a groupie?" Santana asked in annoyance

David let his mouth curl up into a grin before nodding; "You look like number one groupie,"

Santana sighed in frustration; "Let's not talk,"

David nodded in agreement; and resumed fixing his hair in a broken mirror on the side.

"You have a bald patch growing," Santana said, wearing a silky smirk

"Genetics huh… I bet your mom was a bitch too," David replied

"My dad actually but close." Santana responded, running her fingers through her hair; she glanced back at David who shrugged in response before leaning against a stack of unused chairs.

Santana licked her lips lazily; as she scratched the back of her scalp; her eyes turning until they landed on surprised blue ones.

"Santana…" Brittany mumbled, stepping closer to her; before instantly throwing her arms around her waist; she pulled Santana unbelievably close to her. Brittany placed her lips against the side of Santana's neck, at the point where neck met shoulders.

"I'm here, Britt. I'm here for us," Santana revealed softly, letting her fingers brush through Brittany's hair, before tangling in blonde locks. Santana swallowed thickly as she heard Brittany choke back a sob as her face was buried deeper against her neck.

"God, I missed you so much," Brittany mumbled, as she let her hand rub up and down Santana's back, familiarizing herself with the way Santana's body felt; "I can't believe you're here."

Santana pulled back gently, breaking their embrace; she then ever so softly brushed away all remnants of tears which were covering Brittany's face. Santana smiled lightly; "Baby, this was the right thing to do… I've wasted months… practically punishing you for something I indirectly caused. If I let you do your job after college, the diner wouldn't be a problem… Meaning you wouldn't have been unhappy."

Brittany nodded softly, letting her hands pull Santana back into a slightly tighter hug; "You didn't cause this… I never should have lied to you… Baby, I never thought you'd be here,"

"Britt that show… God, you were the star of it. I'm so proud of you," Santana murmured gently, letting her fingers squeeze the base of Brittany's neck; "A kiss for the winner."

Brittany blushed as their lips met lightly for the first time in months. The way they hesitantly kissed made both of them move closer, extending the length of the kiss, as hands cupped warm cheeks.

"Wow… that was awesome." Brittany mumbled, biting her bottom lip she glanced from Santana's lips to her eyes; "Thank you… For coming,"

"I'll always be proud of what you achieve," Santana replied, leaning up and pecking Brittany's parted lips lightly; she pulled back, her fingers still playing with the hem of Brittany's baggy t-shirt; "Are you free to leave?"

"Yeah… I'll just grab my stuff… Do you wanna meet Kit?" Brittany asked, with a soft expression; "She was the one on the phone and stuff…"

"Of course…" Santana said, leaning forward to grab Brittany's hand, so that their fingers could link together; "I just want to know that… things are better for us. I've realised what's at stake to lose… I won't lose you,"

Brittany smiled brightly; before wrapping both of her arms around Santana's waist, letting her lips press just underneath her ear; Brittany released a contented sigh as her fingers squeezed Santana's hips. "You have no idea how good it is to hear that. I promise you things are never gonna be like that for us again,"

Santana ran her hand up Brittany's back, squeezing the base of her neck; "You're too skinny,"

"Sorry… It's all the dancing," Brittany explained, with a small smile

Santana let her hands slide down Brittany's slide over the slightly more noticeable feeling of bones; "I need to fatten you up, don't I?"

Brittany giggled, stroking Santana's cheeks as she brought their lips together once more.

"We should grab your stuff." Santana murmured gently against Brittany's lips; she licked her bottom lip before stepping back; "We can kiss later…"

Brittany bites her bottom lip as her cheeks blush; "Let's go then,"

Santana nods and takes Brittany's hand once more as they turn to walk backstage towards the changing room; "Number one groupie, huh?"

David smirked; "I guess not, Mrs Dancer,"

Santana laughed, and gave Brittany's hand a quick squeezed.

"What was that about?" Brittany asked

"Nothing, baby," Santana replied

They walk inside and Brittany immediately rushed over to slap Kitty across the arm to gain her attention.

"Kit, this is Santana…" Brittany announced proudly as she glanced between the two of them; "Baby, this is Kitty… She's from New Jersey…"

"Hey gurl." Kitty said with a smirk; "It's nice to put a face to the name, living with Brittany for 6 months… She's been moaning it half the night."

"Oh..." Santana said, tightening her hold around Brittany's waist as she tried to move out of her grasp

"God, Kit… Let's go, "Brittany said quickly, reaching over to grab her bag; "Come on, San. I'll take you out for some food."

Santana nodded softly; "It was nice meeting you…"

"You too… Have fun, Britt," Kitty called after them both as Brittany tried to exit the changing room before Kitty could embarrass her anymore.

They find a fast food restaurant which was only round the corner from the theatre and hotel. Taking a booth, Santana took the seat opposite Brittany, who was glancing down at the menu.

"I might get a cheeseburger… and a strawberry milkshake," Brittany said, placing the menu down and meeting Santana's eyes which were already looking at her; "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No… Nothing… You're just so different," Santana replied

"A bad different?" Brittany asked, with furrowed eyebrows

"Britt, you could never be a bad anything. I love how you've changed, it's really great to see," Santana said, with a small smile; "So the tour… When does it finish?"

"In October… For 6 weeks… Then we're doing Canada… And a few smaller states," Brittany said

Santana nodded; "Wow, it's popular then… Can I ask how much you get paid?"

"Erm… just over $2000 per week," Brittany replied

Santana let out a low whistle; "God… Maybe I should become a dancer,"

Brittany giggled softly; "What do you want to eat? My treat,"

Santana glanced down at the menu; "I'll have the same as you,"

Brittany nodded and called a waitress over, ordering two cheeseburgers and two strawberry milkshakes.

The waitress brings their meals quickly and they tuck in barely any conversing other than mundane stuff like the weather.

"How long are you here for?" Brittany asked as they were walking to Brittany's hotel room

"Just a few days. I have a lot of plans in LA to start doing… You know like moving home," Santana said, squeezing Brittany's hand

"Home like… New York?" Brittany questioned

"I shouldn't have gone to my parents… It was stupid," Santana said; "You were right. Things were never gonna get better unless I move home so we can be together."

Brittany turned towards her; and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist; "I'm so… I'm so happy,"

"I want you to be happy," Santana murmured, letting her fingers comb Brittany's fringe back which was blocking her eyes; "Shall we go inside?"

Brittany nodded and followed inside the hotel after Santana. They took the elevator to the third floor. Taking steps towards room 328; "This is my room with Kitty. Don't worry I'll tell Kitty to sleep elsewhere,"

"I'm sure she'll give us some space," Santana said softly, as she placed her hand on Brittany's lower back, watching as she unlocked the door.

"Do you want room service or a shower?" Brittany asked, as she closed the door, throwing her bag beside her bed; "Are those your bags?"

"Yeah, I dropped them off before seeing the show," Santana replied, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist from behind; she moved one of her hands upwards to move Brittany's hair from her back, she then placed a soft kiss on the base of her neck.

"Do you want a shower then?" Brittany asked turning round to meet Santana

"Erm… Sure,." Santana replied

Brittany chuckled softly, letting her fingers stroke Santana's cheeks; "You've been on a flight, I'm sure you'll feel better after a shower…"

Santana licked her lips softly, glancing between Brittany's eyes; "Okay… I'll take a shower…"

Brittany smiled; "Do you need anything?"

"No… I'll be quick. We still need to talk," Santana said, as she grabbed some clothes out of her bag; "Is there a towel in there?"

Brittany nodded; "Yeah…"

Santana smiled; and walked past, pausing only to press a light kiss on Brittany's cheek; "See you in a few,"

Brittany watched as Santana closed the door to the bathroom before letting herself fall onto the bed. She released a deep breath, almost a sigh of relief as today had been rather unexpectedly surprising. Santana was here. She was here and things were better.

They kissed. God knows when the last time they had kissed or even hugged. Probably November. It was shocking to realise how badly she had missed Santana. Even the small things, like the way her skin smelled, especially after a shower, or how she always managed to smell like Chanel perfume and oranges even without washing herself in her typical orange scented shower gel.

Brittany only closed her eyes for a few seconds, wanting Santana's arrival to sink into her body; that her wife was finally here. That they were together again. She woke up when she felt warm kisses being placed along her neck, and jaw. Blinking wildly, she met warm brown eyes; "Hi…"

"Hey… You must have fallen asleep," Santana murmured, brushing her fingers through Brittany's hair, letting her fingertips glide along Brittany's scalp, making her eyes involuntarily close to the touch; "Do you wanna sleep?"

"What time is it?" Brittany asked, not bothering to open her eyes; she had missed the way Santana had played with her hair.

"Just after 11." Santana replied, leaning down to place a soft kiss at the start of Brittany's hairline; "We can sleep if you want, baby,"

Brittany shook her head; "Talk to me,"

Santana let a small smile grace her lips; before kissing just above her eyebrow, where a small crease had formed; "About what?"

"Us, everything… Anything," Brittany mumbled

Santana let out a light giggle, leaning down and pecking the tip of Brittany's nose; "We're together, aren't we?"

Brittany opened her eyes gently, looking up at Santana; "Of course we are. We're always gonna be together… Nothing will break us up, San,"

Santana leaned down and met Brittany's lips in a chaste kiss. Warm lips moved against one another's, as they moved closer together. They pulled away from each other as breath became an issue.

"Wow… If we kiss like that for the rest of our lives…" Santana mumbled, before tugging Brittany into a much shorter kiss.

Brittany let her fingers brush down the side of Santana's torso, feeling the softness of the hotel's towel; she sighed softly at the image which lay underneath her. Masses of untouched tan skin, she had almost forgotten what Santana looked like. Well, not forgot, you could never forget what your wife looked like naked; it was just a temporary confusion. Like being so close to something which you had been without for so long.

"You can take it off," Santana murmured, against the rim of Brittany's ear; the way her breath hit the back of Brittany's ear, causing moisture to appear.

"W-what?" Brittany mumbled, letting her hand still on the point at which Santana had tucked her towel in; "Sex?"

Santana giggled softly, moving so her face was in front of Brittany's; "Is that okay with you?"

Brittany blushed wildly; the way Santana was looking at her as she suggested that; made her fingers curl around the corner of the towel.

"Look… I love you, Britt. I always have, always will… And I wanna be with you, in every way," Santana murmured gently, letting her thumb glide along the apple of Brittany's left cheek; "I understand everything… and I'm here because you're my wife, and I need to show you that I'm yours."

Brittany nodded

"We can just talk if you want… I just… I've really missed you, and you're so beautiful," Santana said softly, letting her fingers trail down until they reached Brittany's; she then entwined their fingers; "Whatever you want."

"I want you," Brittany revealed gently, letting her fingers squeezed Santana's; "God… I want you so much, Santana."

Santana smiled gently; letting her lips lower to brush along the small freckle sitting adjacent to Brittany's top lip.

"I want you too, baby," Santana whispered, letting her tongue brush against Brittany's skin, making them both lean forward, letting their lips tentatively touch one another's with a rare sight of shyness which hadn't been between the two of them in years, since they first met.

"I'm nervous," Santana murmured gently

"Me too," Brittany said

Santana let out a soft giggle, letting her thumb run along Brittany's bottom lip; "I don't know why, we've done this so many times."

"Too many to count," Brittany added, as her tongue purposely brushed against the tip of Santana's thumb; "You know how much this means to me… How much you mean to me."

Santana smiled softly, the way Brittany was speaking was melting her. Her fingers gently stroked Brittany's neck, tickling the skin in a way which made Brittany tighten her grip on the towel.

"I really wanna make love to you," Santana revealed softly, her eyes glancing down at Brittany's face, trying to gauge her reaction.

"I wanna make love to you too," Brittany replied

Santana giggled softly, as she slipped off the bed, moving towards the window, she closed it before closing the curtains. Santana turned back around and walked towards the bed; letting her fingers trail up Brittany's lower leg.

Brittany sat up, and shifted until her feet touched the ground. Her hands wrapping round Santana's waist, she glanced at Santana's face, before letting her hands slid down the towel until they reached the back of her thighs.

Santana released a shaky breath making Brittany snap her eyes to her.

"Is this too… fast?" Brittany asked

"No… I… I like it," Santana replied

Brittany smiled softly, letting her fingers glide up and down the back of Santana's thighs, making goose bumps appear after her touch.

"You should get unchanged," Santana murmured

Brittany nodded, and stood up, leaning in and pecking Santana's lips; "I've missed your lips."

Santana rolled her eyes, kissing Brittany's lips deeply, as her fingers curled around the hem of Brittany's t-shirt; she stepped back to tug it off, throwing it behind her. Santana let her eyes run along the expanse of creamy skin, firm breasts being held captive by a bright blue bra.

"So you…" Santana mumbled, as she connected her lips to Brittany's once more as her fingers reached behind Brittany's back, to unclasp her bra.

"I love blue," Brittany mumbled, slightly embarrassed

"You know how hot you look in blue, right?" Santana asked, letting her hands ghost over Brittany's breasts, cupping them with barely any pressure

"You'd look better without the towel," Brittany whispered, her fingers teasing the opening of the towel; "Can I?"

"You don't have to ask, Britt…" Santana replied

Brittany gently tugged the towel off, and even though she knew Santana would be naked, the expanse of bronze skin was tantalizing Fingers ran over Santana's torso, gently squeezing firm breasts, before gently grazing her fingertips over puckered peaks.

She's slightly shocked at the way Santana decided to take control. The way she gently, albeit the force is clearly there, pushed you to lie down.

Her lips curve up into a slight smirk, her finger trail along your collarbone, before following the set trail with her lips, a pink lithe tongue dipping out to taste your skin. The pace she's setting, you can tell she's debating whether to go slow or fast.

"You look like you're gonna eat me," Brittany muttered, breaking the lightly tensed atmosphere.

Santana giggled, running her nose against the top of Brittany's breast, letting her breath hit the skin beneath; "I might…"

Brittany bit down on her bottom lip, loving the glint of utter desire which was shining in Santana's now darkened eyes.

"I feel like I'm starving…" Santana murmured, lowering her hand so her fingers danced playfully over Brittany's abs, tapping fingertips over toned muscles like someone playing a xylophone. "One look at you… and it's like a hunger."

Brittany leaned up and kissed Santana's lips gently. They moved together, both of them swallowed the mumbled murmurs of sweet love declarations between quick smacks of lips, or probing tongues dipping in and out, tasting each other's mouths.

Brittany let out an embarrassingly loud moan as Santana's fingers slipped over her core. The unexpected touch sent shock waves throughout her body.

"So wet." Santana whispered, as she licked the length of Brittany's collarbone.

Brittany fumbled with her hands until one was tangling with raven coloured hair, as the other cupped Santana.

"Shit," Santana cursed, feeling pale slender fingers slip through her folds tentatively as if testing that she was ready.

Santana moved so her lips met Brittany's in a bruising kiss. Fingers made their journey, being pushed deep inside, whimpers being released at the joy at being full, feeling so full.

Brittany clutched tightly at the hold on Santana's hair, tugging her head until their foreheads met. A clear layer of sweat covered them, their skin sticky as they pressed against one another. Both wanted the other one to achieve their peak before themselves.

"Baby…" Brittany mumbled breathlessly, not really caring where her lips landed on Santana's skin. The taste of Santana, and the light coating of sweat was erotic. Brittany moaned as she gripped the back of Santana's neck, not really noticing how her short nails were digging in.

Santana let out a garbled sound, half between a moan and a whimper, as her hips jerked forward; nimble fingers curled around a pale hip.

Brittany felt her skin burn from Santana's touch; the skin on skin contact only really becoming a reality.

"I can't believe you're here," Brittany murmured, making Santana move her head from Brittany's neck, her lips swollen from her recent motions of kissing plentiful of pale skin; "You're really here…"

Santana let out a soft smile appear on her face; pausing her thrusting; she let her free hand cup Brittany's cheek. "I'm here, baby."

Brittany shifted so her lips brushed against Santana's knuckles; "I love you."

"We're so lucky, baby…" Santana whispered letting her eyes flicker from Brittany's; "I'm here… and I won't lose you or leave you…"

Brittany tried to sit up but Santana pressed her shoulder so she remained lying down.

"I'm not trying to ruin the mood. Just letting you know," Santana said, as she pressed a quick kiss to Brittany's now pouted lips.

Santana's eyes continued to look into Brittany's as their fingers resumed their motions to work them both to the edge.

Brittany's free hand reached up to brush Santana's messy hair from her face; "You're so beautiful."

Santana placed her vacant hand over Brittany's left breast, letting her thumb brush against both her sensitive nipple and clit simultaneously.

Brittany groaned in relief as her orgasm succumbed. She tumbled heart first in an abundance of pleasure, Santana was right behind her blindly pressing her lips against the curve of Brittany's jaw line.

Heavy panting resumed in the nearly silent room; Santana gently slipped her fingers out of Brittany, she wiped them against the bed sheets. Brittany kissed Santana's shoulder, before slipping her own fingers out of Santana.

"Wow…" Brittany murmured

Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany's lips; before lying down beside her. Her hand crawling along Brittany's waist, letting her arm draped around her.

"You are amazing," Santana murmured, letting her hand glide up and down Brittany's side; "Are you cold?"

Brittany shook her head, before pulling the bed sheets over them; "Is this better?"

Santana giggled; "Yeah… much."

Brittany moved so her face was next to Santana; their lips met softly.

"We should probably sleep," Santana mumbled

"I know," Brittany said, scratching her fingers through Santana's hair; "I'll take you for a date tomorrow…"

Santana nodded, letting her fingers stroke Brittany's neck; "I'll make the plans to move back home…. Your tour will be finished soon, and we need to be together."

Brittany smiled; "Thank you… for doing this. I really do appreciate it."

"You're worth everything, Britt… You know what you did wrong. You lied to me… and you're sorry for that. So we're fine…" Santana said

Brittany looked at Santana, whose eyes were closed; she pressed a kiss to a small nose; before shifting until she was snug against Santana's body. Letting her palm drag along Santana's stomach until she released a tired sigh.

"Goodnight, Honey." Brittany murmured

"Night, baby." Santana whispered

Both of them succumbing to the darkness, sleep easily taking over both of them.


	17. Young and beautiful

_Thanks to everyone for reading this :) And a big thank you to Bodybroke for being truly amazing _

_Enjoy this chapter :)_

11th June 2019

It took six weeks for Santana to move back into their New York home. It was great to be back in New York. She had missed the hustle of the streets, her friends, and her home. Santana spent her first few days back in New York with Marley and Tina who had recently given birth to a baby girl called Sophie.

Santana ran her blunt nails along the back of her neck; noting the same traces of dirt which followed.

"So you don't seem the type to be into gardening…" Mike commented from his position by Santana's back door. He had offered to change the locks for her after she had lost her front door key and Brittany had the spare.

"Yeah well… It's better than attending job interviews only to get rejected." Santana said, dropping several seeds into the newly dug soil.

"I can ask around for a job for you." Mike offered, with a small shrug

"Really? That would be awesome, Mike." Santana replied; "Thanks."

"It's fine, S… You've done a lot for me and Tina." Mike said, with a grateful smile; "Speaking of doing things, is tonight still okay?"

Santana nodded, tugging some weeds from the ground; "Yeah… I'm not busy…"

Mike smiled softly; "Thanks again. I'm finished. Here's your keys… Three for that front and back doors. I did an extra one… so you don't have to panic if you lose yours."

Santana stood up and grabbed the keys; "Thanks, I'll send a key to Britt."

Mike nodded and squeezed Santana's shoulder; "How are you two doing with the distance?"

Santana shrugged her shoulders; "We're… good."

Mike smiled, sensing Santana didn't wanna discuss it anymore; he decided to change the subject; "I'll bring Sophie around 6."

"Sounds good." Santana replied, sending him a tight lipped smile; Mike waved and walked back to his vehicle.

Santana released a shaky breath as she pressed her hands to her eyes, wiping away any stray tears which were lingered.

"Stupid." Santana mumbled as she tightened her grip on the new keys, not caring or noticing as the metal dug into her palm.

Santana walked through the back door, into the kitchen, she threw the keys on the counter, before washing the mud off her hands. She then dried them before picking up the keys, slipping two into her front pocket; she placed the spare keys on the side of the table. She then reached into a drawer and took an envelope out; she slipped her key inside before placing it on the table.

Santana hummed as she picked up her phone and placed it to her ear.

"Pick up, Britt…" Santana mumbled quietly

"This is Brittany. I'm not here at the moment, so leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." The voicemail message played.

"Great." Santana mumbled in response before hanging up and throwing the phone on the couch.

Santana then turned in the direction of the kitchen and walked inside. She poured herself a glass of white wine before taking a leisurely sip as she strolled back to the couch, she switched the TV on, before her eyes flicked back to her phone; and decided to invite Quinn round.

* * *

Brittany arrived to her hotel room late with Kitty after their last show in Illinois had recently finished. Brittany threw her empty water bottle on the hotel room floor before sinking into her newly made bed.

"We need food." Kitty called as she collected clean clothes for her shower; "Don't fall asleep."

Brittany heard the door click shut and then the clean snap of the lock sliding on. Her eyes flickered with exhaustion; she released a deep sigh before reaching in the top drawer for her phone.

Brittany saw that she had a missed call from Santana and Tina. She figured that Tina was trying to build bridges after her bitch fit and the way she had ignored Brittany after.

She placed her phone against her ear, hearing an all too familiar ring tone.

"Hello?"

"Who is this?" Brittany asked

"Erm, Quinn…" Quinn replied

"Is Santana there?" Brittany questioned, recognising Quinn's voice from the first time they met.

"She fell asleep… Do you want me to wake her?" Quinn asked, looking over at the couch where Santana was hugging herself as she slept.

"No, she's probably tired." Brittany replied; "Can you tell her I called?"

"Sure…" Quinn said

"Thanks." Brittany mumbled, before hanging up the phone, she placed it beside her before lying down.

"Did you space out again?" Kitty asked, towel drying her hair, she sat down on the edge of Brittany's bed; "Do you wanna order room service?"

"No… I'll grab something from round the corner." Brittany replied, with a small smile

Kitty nodded and watched as Brittany grabbed her purse before walking out of the hotel room.

Kitty finished drying her hair and was watching CNN news; when Brittany returned with two bags of Chinese food.

"God, I love you." Kitty practically moaned, as she grabbed a bag, she pulled out two boxes; "Oh by the way, David called me."

"What?" Brittany asked, looking from the Tv to Kitty

"I got a call from David… He said our shows for the end of June have been cancelled… Do you feel like painting New York red for a few days?" Kitty suggested, pretending to not to be bothered

"Are you serious right now?" Brittany asked, using a napkin to wipe her mouth

"Yeah, he gave us 4 days off." Kitty said, with a grin; "You could see Santana, and we could go drinking."

"That sounds amazing." Brittany said, slipping a forkful of noodles into her mouth

"It'll be fun." Kitty said

Brittany nodded; "Santana will be happy…"

Kitty smiled; "I think it's great you two are together."

"Thanks." Brittany replied, with a small grin; "I'm gonna call and tell her the good news."

Kitty smirked; "Yeah, the great news, huh? Get on with your loving like last time."

"Shut up, Kit.." Brittany called behind her, as she slipped through the doors onto a small balcony outside their room; it was nothing to brag about you could only stand there; but the view was worth it.

Brittany clicked on Santana's name; and let it ring; hopefully Santana would be awake or the ringing would at least wake her.

"Britt, it's half passed 2." Santana said when she answered the phone; "What's wrong?"

"I have some good news." Brittany murmured excitedly

"The tour's finished?" Santana asked, the underlying hopefulness was clearly seen.

"Oh… Not til October… but I'm coming home in two weeks for a few days." Brittany replied, letting her free hand rest against the barrier surrounding the balcony; "I know it doesn't seem like a lot of time but… It's better than nothing."

"I know… I get it… and I'm happy I'll get to see you." Santana said, with a smile

"I'm happy to see you too." Brittany murmured affectionately; "Were you busy today? Any luck finding a job?"

"No… I did some gardening though." Santana answered

"You hate gardening." Brittany said

Santana let out a light laugh; "I know but… It needed to be done, and I'm literally poor right now."

"Santana, you have our card to the joint account. Just use it." Brittany said

"I can't just waste money, Britt. I need to find a job, if you hurt yourself; and can't dance... We'll end up in debt." Santana replied softly; "I can't waste money I don't have on crap I can do myself."

"Okay, I get that… but we have savings." Brittany interjected

"I don't wanna waste our savings on gardening… Do you even remember what those savings are for?" Santana asked, her voice slightly different

"Of course I do… But we don't have enough now… So you can lend some money for a gardener." Brittany said

"I don't want a fucking gardener, Britt. I can do it myself." Santana snapped

"Okay, Christ! I was only offering." Brittany mumbled

Santana sighed softly; "I know, baby… But I'm not wasting money we don't have."

"I get it. Sorry, for pushing it." Brittany replied

"What time are you coming home? I'll pick you up at the airport." Santana asked

"Kitty's booking our flights so… I'll text you the details." Brittany murmured

"You know… I'm so happy you're coming home… even if it's only for a few days." Santana whispered; "I love you, so much."

"I love you too…" Brittany replied; before breaking out into a loud yawn

"You should sleep, you're probably exhausted." Santana murmured; "I'll talk to you soon, and I guess I'll see you soon."

"Okay, night baby." Brittany murmured

"Goodnight." Santana replied softer

Brittany clicked off the phone and released a deep sigh; she then turned round and walked through the doors; Kitty was lying across her bed, eyes glued to her laptop.

"There's a flight on the 29th of June at half 2am… or half 6am." Kitty mentioned as she let her forefinger clicked repeatedly on the button before turning to Brittany; "Everything okay?"

"Yeah… Santana's taking up gardening. It was a surprise." Brittany said, her lips turning up into a small smirk; "I think… the 2 will be quiet… and we could get it because we'll be wide awake the show…"

"And you'll see Santana for a few hours longer. Don't have to hint, honey." Kitty said, before clicking several times; "I'm gonna pay for it… So you can pay me later."

"That's fine." Brittany said, taking a seat on her bed, she picked up her half eaten food; "Did you eat my food? I only had like two mouthfuls…"

Kitty laughed, pushing her laptop away so it wasn't in front of her; "You left the room, food is a free for all."

"You're such a weirdo. I'm taking a shower." Brittany mumbled around a large mouthful of noodles.

"Fucking took her noodles with her." Kitty mumbled as Brittany slammed the bathroom door.


	18. The act you've known for all these years

_Thanks to all the people still reading :) A big shout out to bodybroke who is still amazing :) _

_Enjoy!_

29TH June

Kitty groaned loudly as she sank even deeper into her seat; her eyes covered by thick black glasses slapped against Brittany's shoulder as Kitty rested her head against her.

"I feel like I have cabin fever." Kitty mumbled

"We're in a plane." Brittany replied, furrowing her eyebrows at Kitty, who looked up at Brittany.

"You're joking right?" Kitty asked

"Of course, Kit. Look we're nearly there. Just calm down. Pop a pill." Brittany replied with a comforting smile

Kitty shifted in her seat, before tugging her sunglasses off; "Pop a pill… I wish I could."

Brittany giggled, as her forefinger glided along the screen of her iPod; sending a red bird to a smirking green pig; "Got it."

Kitty rolled her eyes; "Are you still playing that?"

"I need to beat Santana's high score." Brittany said, with a determined expression

"How the fuck has this flight lasted like 10 billion hours?" Kitty groaned in frustration

"It's been just over an hour." Brittany said, checking her waist; "Actually about an hour and 20 minutes. Only half an hour left… Just try to sleep."

Kitty rolled her eyes, slipping her sunglasses back on; she sighed deeply; "I hate you for picking this time."

Brittany snickered; "Shouldn't have gaven me an option."

Kitty licked her lips as she reached for her magazine; she began flicking through it; pausing to quickly read several stories. Brittany sighed deeply when the pilot announced they were landing.

"See, it goes quickly." Brittany murmured, with a small grin

"You're a terrible person to fly with." Kitty deadpanned

"God, Kit… Hurt my feelings." Brittany replied

"I'm sorry, but you're too happy." Kitty said

Brittany nodded; and leaned down to stick her iPod into her carry-on bag; "I know… I'm happy but I'm seeing Santana in less than 10 minutes…"

Kitty smiled softly, squeezing Brittany's forearm; "I get it, Britt. I'm glad you're so happy."

After a few minutes, they walked off the plane towards the bag collection point; they waited until they saw their bags; before grabbing them and walking towards the exit.

Brittany placed her bag down as she searched for her phone; until Kitty tapped her elbow.

"Is that Santana?" Kitty asked, pointing over to where Santana was leaning over her vehicle.

"Yeah, let's go." Brittany said, grabbing her bag, and rushing ahead of Kitty to meet Santana; "San…"

Santana turned round to see who called her; she then rushed over to her; and wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck, pulling her into a deep kiss.

"Hey, baby." Santana murmured, letting her fingers glide along Brittany's face; cupping her so their lips could meet again in a much sweeter kiss.

"I've missed you." Brittany whispered, as she brushed a strand of raven hair behind Santana's ear, letting her fingers continue to glide along Santana's face, trailing the length of her jawline.

"Why don't you two get a room?" Kitty's voice sounded beside them, snapping them out of their haze.

"Jeez, Kit… It's called a welcoming home." Brittany mumbled, letting her arm wrap around Santana's waist, to press a kiss against her forehead

"Let's just get home, it's kinda late." Santana said, letting her fingers tap against Brittany's hip; "Shotgun?"

"Shotgun." Kitty called, pointing her finger at Brittany who pouted

"I'm the wife, I should have shotgun." Brittany mumbled as she placed her bags into the trunk; Kitty smirked; placing hers beside Brittany's.

"I called shotgun." Kitty said, as she opened the passenger door; and climbed inside; Santana leaned in and placed a soft kiss against Brittany's pouting lips.

"Here's your new keys… I had to change the locks… I lost my key." Santana said, slipping two keys into Brittany's hand.

"Oh, thanks baby." Brittany murmured, leaning in for another kiss

"I should drive." Santana said, letting her lips brush against Brittany's lips; inching closer until a loud horn snapped them to look at the car when Kitty was smirking.

"Can we go?" Kitty asked

Santana blew Brittany a quick kiss before climbing into the driving seat; Brittany climbed into the back seat, both of them snapping their seat belts.

They arrived at Brittany and Santana's home at just after 3am; Santana helped Brittany carry her bags into the house; Kitty followed after them.

"Could have helped me." Kitty mumbled placing her bags down by the stairs

Santana turned to look at Kitty; "Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine." Kitty said

Santana turned to Brittany; "Do you wanna sleep?"

"Yes, please." Kitty groaned

"I was asking Britt." Santana replied, leaning forward to grab Brittany's free hand; "Do you?"

"Sure, baby." Brittany murmured

"Come on, I'll show you to the spare room." Santana said, sending a smile to Kitty who grabbed her bags and followed Santana up the stairs. Brittany walked after them but to her and Santana's bedroom. She placed her bags by the end of the bed, before yawning loudly.

Warm hands glided along her small waist, gently gliding over an impossibly firm set of abs before a soft sigh ran along the length of Brittany's neck.

"She's fun..." Santana murmured, tapping her forefinger around Brittany's naval

"She is... But she'll be busy resting so... We'll be alone." Brittany said, turning around to gauge Santana's expression; "Thank you for letting her stay here."

"It's fine..." Santana said, letting go of Brittany's hands to move towards the window and close it; "I'm happy you're here."

"Me too." Brittany said, pausing in the motion of changing t-shirts; she sent Santana a small smile before resuming her task.

Brittany then slipped into her side of the bed, after finishing undressing; she smiled contently as her wife's smaller body molded against hers. Like it was always like.

"I love you." Brittany whispered, the evidence of her tiredness evident in her mumbled whisper.

"I love you too." Santana replied softly; letting her fingers barely stroke along Brittany's forearm which was draped along her stomach as if like a protective barrier.

Brittany let out a more soft whimper as she buried her face against a warm caramel neck, as they both let sleep take over.

* * *

Santana rolled over in bed, her hand reaching out for blonde hair or even an arm. Reaching nothing but cold sheets and a seriously flattened pillow; she climbed out of bed and walked out of the bedroom.

Small feet padded down the carpet covered stairs; as her hand ran through unbelievably messy raven hair.

"Morning!" Kitty shouted, from the dining table less than a few feet away from her.

All Santana could manage was not to grimace at the sheer loudness; and smile. So she did both.

Brittany turned round and placed a huge stack of pancakes in the centre of the table.

"Hey... I was just gonna come get you." Brittany said, gently brushing wisps of hair that were marking Santana's face; "I made lots of coffee and..."

Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany's parted lips, interrupting her ramble of breakfast items she had prepared. Brittany melted into the surprising kiss; and welcomed it. Letting her hands dropped to Santana's hips; squeezing them softly.

"Morning." Santana murmured

"Morning." Brittany repeated

"Yeah, can we eat?" Kitty asked, breaking the moment as Santana blushed and tugged herself away to take a seat around the table.

"Yeah... Dig in." Brittany said, grabbing Santana's favourite mug and filling it with coffee; she then placed it beside Santana's near empty plate.

"Thanks." Santana said, quickly blowing on the steaming mug, before taking a quick sip; "What are your plans for today?"

"I thought we could go out to dinner for tonight... I found a great Italian place to eat. I thought we could try it." Brittany suggested, taking a seat beside Santana who nodded softly.

"Dude... I thought we were going out tonight." Kitty mentioned, in between bites of syrup covered pancake.

"Kit, we can go out tomorrow." Brittany said

Santana shook her head; "Britt, it's fine... We can have dinner tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" Brittany asked, wiping a smudge of syrup from her top lip

Santana nodded as well as she could when sipping from a mug; placing it down; "Yeah... It's not a big deal. Tomorrow's fine."

Brittany smiled, squeezing her hand before picking her fork back up against stabbing another piece of pancake; "Thank you... What are you gonna wear tonight?"

"I'm coming? I thought it was just you two." Santana replied

"No, Kit's never seen you dance... And I for one, have been bragging." Brittany mumbled through a bite of her breakfast.

Santana rolled her eyes softly; "Fine... Be no more bragging. It's going to look embarrassing when I'm dancing next to you."

Brittany leaned in and pecked the corner of Santana's mouth; "You are an amazing dancer."

"Even with my two years of ballet training?" Santana replied with a grin

"Even with your ballet training." Brittany replied

Santana smirked and leaned forward to pour some more coffee into her mug; "So Kitty... Are you ready for tonight?"

"I'm unbelievably ready." Kitty said; "I'm not gonna lie, New York's already amazing."

Brittany nodded softly; "It is..."

Santana smiled softly, nodding in agreement, taking a leisurely sip of her coffee before noticing Brittany and Kitty's attire. Shorts and t-shirts; "Yeah... Are you going running?"

"Yeah, not for long." Brittany said, wiping her mouth from her long sip of orange juice

"Ah... Are you going now?" Santana asked

Brittany nodded; "Now... or soon."

Santana smiled; "If you come back soon... We can pick up some groceries..."

Kitty broke out in a loud yawn, making Santana look at her; "Sorry... A little tired."

"Its fine..." Santana said, before turning back to Brittany; "You should both let your stomachs rest before going..."

"We'll watch the news." Brittany replied

"Okay... I'm gonna take a shower then. I'm a little stinky." Santana murmured, crinkling her nose softly

Brittany smiled softly and pressed a quick kiss to Santana's lips; "Take your time... We'll be an hour or so."

"Got it..." Santana replied, with a click of her tongue; "Have fun... You too, Kitty. Don't let Britt beat you jogging, she'll never let you forget it."

Kitty snickered at Brittany's pouting expression; "Come on, B let's watch some news... See ya S."

Brittany sighed and pressed a lingering kiss to Santana's lips before following Kitty towards the sitting room. Santana smiled at the sight before walking upstairs towards the bathroom.

* * *

"Oh there's Quinn." Santana murmured, pointing at Quinn through a large crowd

"Oh... Did you invite her?" Brittany asked

"Marley, Jake and Tina. Mike couldn't find a baby sitter so he just told Tina to come" Santana said, looking over at an amused Kitty who was talking animatedly to a waiter; "That's okay right? That I invited her?"

"Oh... Of course... It is." Brittany mumbled, albeit with some slight hesitation; as her finger gently rubbing Santana's shoulder, more for her benefit than Santana's; "Shall we get some drinks?"

"Sure... What about Kitty? She seems a little mesmerized." Santana replied, leaning in and kissing Brittany's lips.

"Leave her... We'll find her later." Brittany said, placing her palm against Santana's lower back, they walked to the bar; and ordered two drinks before meeting with Quinn, Marley and Jake who had gathered at a table.

After a few more drinks, and a lot more dancing; Jake and Marley called it a night, leaving Quinn, Tina, Santana and Brittany alone. Quinn was talking about a temp position available in her sister's business if Santana was still looking for a job.

"What kind of job is it?" Santana asked, looking at Quinn, as Brittany placed soft kisses along the length of her neck

"Just like an assistant. Basically menial jobs, photocopying, answering calls... That sorta thing." Quinn explained, with a small smile

"That's good... Do you have her number on you? I'll probably call tomorrow." Santana replied, gently stroking her fingers through Brittany's long locks.

"Sure... Pass me your phone." Quinn mumbled, holding out her hand

Santana slipped her phone from her purse and passed it over to Quinn; before taking a sip of her beer.

"Wanna go dance, baby?" Brittany asked, rubbing her hand down Santana's arm

"If you want..." Santana said softly, lacing her fingers with Brittany's

Tina snorted loudly; trying to cover by sipping her drink.

"What?" Brittany asked, looking over at Tina

"I just... Nothing." Tina finally said, running her fingers through her hair; "Nothing at all."

Santana placed her hand on Brittany's lower thigh; "Britt, let's just... not."

"Me? I'm not doing anything." Brittany said

"Britt, please." Santana whispered softly

Brittany sighed deeply; "It's not... my fault your friend hates me."

"She doesn't hate you." Santana replied, looking over at Tina who rolled her eyes; "Tina... Don't talk to Britt like that."

"Brittany being dramatic again." Tina stressed, her tone being slightly condescending as she turned to look at Brittany

"Back off." Brittany mumbled

Santana sighed; "Can you two not argue?"

"She started it." Tina replied

"Whatever. I don't get why you're so... annoyed with Britt." Santana murmured, before leaning forward to sit up properly; "Tina, you can't talk to her like that. I'm not... I won't accept that."

"You won't accept me having a problem with her when she decided that she was better than everyone else... Including her own wife." Tina said, with furrowed eyes

"Wow... This is kind of private." Quinn mumbled around the rim of her glass

"I don't know why you're so shy, she wanted to fuck your husband." Tina said

"I didn't want to fuck anyone." Brittany replied; "And I really don't see how this is your business. You're not my wife... and you've proved you're not my friend so stay out of my business."

Santana took Brittany's hand, and basically tugged her to follow her into the middle of the dance floor.

"I don't get why you're acting like that with her." Santana said, as she wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck.

"She did start it though... It has nothing to do with her." Brittany whispered against Santana's ear

Santana nodded, letting her fingers glide up and down the back of her neck, "I get it... She's not being fair to you."

"Then why couldn't you say that to her?" Brittany asked

"I'm not arguing about this. She has a problem with you... about what you did. That's between you and her." Santana said softly, gently leaning up and pecking Brittany's lips; "I'm done with defending my decision. I love you... and I'm not gonna lie about how I feel about you."

Brittany pressed a soft kiss on Santana's lips; letting her fingers trail along Santana's jaw before cupping the back of her head.

"I understand..." Brittany murmured gently

"Shall we leave?" Santana asked

"Sure... Shall I grab Kitty and meet you by the entrance?" Brittany suggested

"Okay..." Santana said

Brittany sent her a small smile before walking away from the table. Santana grabbed her purse, throwing a tip on the table before saying goodbye to Quinn and Tina. She then began walking to the entrance.

Santana checked her phone twice, responding to an email from her mother before looking around for Brittany or Kitty.

Santana's eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she met sight of Brittany and Kitty leaning against the bar counter. Santana walked over, placing her hand on Brittany's lower back, meeting pure skin due to the dress design.

"What's taking you so long?" Santana asked

"Kitty said she's not leaving until she gets this guy's number." Brittany said

Santana looked at Kitty; "Kitty, we're leaving. Stay if you want... but please get cab home."

"Yeah, sure thing, San!" Kitty slurred, playfully punching Santana's arm

"See you at home." Brittany said before she licked her lips, and stepped closer to Santana; "Let's just go home..."

Santana rubbed her eyes gently; and moved to walk to the entrance. They walked to the edge of the sidewalk; and Brittany leaned forward to open the back door to the nearest cab; Brittany climbed in beside her; and told the cab driver their address.

"I'm sorry for shouting at Tina." Brittany whispered loudly; as loud as she could over the reggae music of the radio but quiet enough so the driver didn't hear.

"It's nothing, B... She shouldn't have interfered." Santana mumbled, looking out of the window.

"I shouldn't do that though. She's your best friend." Brittany murmured, reaching over to take Santana's hand, she intertwined their fingers together; raising their joined hands to her lips, kissing each of Santana's knuckles.

Santana let a small smile taint her face; Brittany grinned softly; leaning in and pecking Santana's lips; "Thank you for apologizing though... but it's not your fault."

"I love you..." Brittany murmured, letting her fingers squeeze Santana's hand softly

"I love you, too." Santana whispered softly

"I didn't hear that, baby." Brittany replied, tilting Santana's head up by her chin

"I said... I love you too." Santana murmured, a little louder making Brittany grin; who leaned in and kissed the tip of Santana's nose.

"I love you so much..." Brittany purred, leaning down and pecking Santana's lips; "Oh... We're here, baby."

Santana nodded

"Let's go..." Brittany said, passing some money to the cab driver; they climbed out of the vehicle and walked towards their front door. Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, tugging her back against the front of her body.

Santana giggled as she tried to get her key out of her purse; "Baby, I'm trying to open the door."

Brittany grunted as she let go of Santana's body to open the door; she leaned down and kissed the back of Santana's neck lightly.

Santana pushed the front door open and walked inside; turning around to meet Brittany's face who was smirking.

"What?" Santana asked

Brittany shook her head, and let the door shut with a small click; "Come here..."

Santana placed her purse down on the counter; "Why?"

"I wanna kiss you." Brittany muttered, gently easing her feet from her heels; she walked over and tapped her fingers along Santana's sides, until she met her hips.

Santana licked her lips, staring into darkened blue eyes. Santana covered Brittany's hands, that were holding her hips gently. She let a small smile ghost over her face. "Aren't you gonna kiss me?"

"I think I wanna kiss you somewhere else." Brittany revealed softly

Santana bit her bottom lip; letting her eyes dip down to linger on Brittany's cleavage. "Where?"

Brittany slipped her hands from underneath Santana's, gently letting them move until they were over Santana's stomach, towards her breasts.

"Here." Brittany said, pressing two fingers over the top of Santana's left breast

"My tits?" Santana asked, in confusion

Brittany giggled; "Your heart, San."

Santana flushed in embarrassment before nodding softly; "I get it."

"Shall we go to our room?" Brittany asked, with a small smile

Santana nodded, and followed Brittany upstairs to their bedroom. Closing their bedroom door, they walked towards their bed, and both began getting unchanged.

Brittany lied along the bed, watching Santana fold her dress over the back of a chair.

"Come lie with me..." Brittany murmured, patting the space beside her

"In a minute." Santana said, wiping her face with a makeup remover wipe; "Want me to do you?"

"Sure..." Brittany mumbled

Santana turned round and climbed on the bed, kneeling beside Brittany; she leaned down and gently wiped a face wipe against Brittany's face, cleaning away all the make up.

"There... You're still beautiful." Santana purred, leaning down and kissing Brittany's lips

"Thanks, baby." Brittany said, rubbing her fingers along her newly clean face; "Nice and fresh..."

Santana giggled softly, leaning down and kissed Brittany's forehead lightly; "Do you think Kitty will be back soon?"

"Yeah, don't worry about her. She'll be fine." Brittany said, cupping Santana's cheek; letting her fingers stroke along her skin.

"Good." Santana mumbled, shifting until she was sat beside Brittany; letting her hand rest on Brittany's stomach; "Baby... how is the tour going?"

"Good..." Brittany said, sending Santana a small smile; "It sucks to be away from you; but I do love being on tour... It's a different dynamic than I've ever experienced."

Santana nodded softly, gently brushing Brittany's fringe out of her eyes. She sucked in a shaky breath before letting her eyes look down, meeting Brittany's who shone brightly in concern at watery chocolate ones. Santana squeezed Brittany's hand softly. "I miss you..."

Brittany smiled sadly at Santana's words; "San...-"

"I know. I know what I was getting myself into when you went on tour. I know that missing you would seem like the only thing I'd do... but it's so much to handle, Britt." Santana revealed softly

Brittany sat up, and let her hands fall to Santana's lap; "Baby, I miss you too... You know it's hard to be away from you too."

"Britt, it's different for you." Santana stressed, squeezing Brittany's hand; "You're busy most of the day... and if not, you can hang out with your dancing friends."

Brittany nodded; "San, it's not my fault there's no jobs right now."

"I'm not saying it is... I'm just saying that it's hard for me to deal without anything to do all day... You don't get it and that's fine. Maybe things will be different with Quinn's sister having a job open..." Santana replied, running her fingers through her hair; "Can we talk about something else?"

Brittany nodded softly

"Great..." Santana said, moving so she could climb underneath the covers; Brittany followed her lead; and slipped in beside her; "I'm sorry for snapping at you..."

"It's fine." Brittany said

Santana rolled onto her side; letting her arm drape over Brittany's stomach; kissing her bare shoulder; "It's not fine. You're here for a few days, I don't wanna ruin our time together."

Brittany smiled softly; "Nothing will ever ruin our time together..."

Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany's lips softly, gently gripping the back of Brittany's hair. Brittany followed Santana by making sure her lips stayed against Santana's. Once Santana's back hit the soft mattress, Brittany lowered her body on top of Santana's.

Santana pulled away from Brittany's lips, panting heavily. Brittany moved her mouth down Santana's neck, kissing and sucking harshly on the unmarked skin. Brittany let her hand trail up Santana's side, pausing at the material of Santana's bra.

"Can I take it off?" Brittany asked, trailing her finger over the outline of the material slowly

"Yeah..." Santana murmured

Brittany leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the ridge of Santana's collarbone, gently sucking on the smooth skin, before reaching round and unclipping her bra.

"Whoops..." Brittany mumbled, as their heads gently knocked against one another's as Brittany moved back to slid the straps down her arms; "Naked... nearly."

Santana rolled her eyes playfully; leaning up and pressing her lips against the underside of Brittany's jaw, muffling a moan as Brittany cupped both of her breasts. Santana leaned up and kissed her softly, and slowly. Her nose barely brushing against hers as she feels forefingers and thumbs pinching at her now hardening nipples.

Brittany pulled away from Santana's mouth after playfully sucking on the tip of her tongue. She shuffles down the bed, down Santana's body until her mouth reaches her chest. She leaned in and let her lips press a barely there kiss over one of her nipples. She then takes it into her mouth and suckles softly; letting her teeth scrape over the bud.

"Fuck..." Santana gasped, gripping the back of Brittany's head

Brittany glanced up at Santana's face, meeting her eyes; "You're so beautiful."

Santana smiled, cupping Brittany's cheeks, she then kissed her softly, murmuring a quick 'I love you' before deepening their kissing. Brittany ran her fingers down Santana's back, tickling the smooth skin.

Santana pulled away from Brittany, licking her lips softly; "Damn girl..."

Brittany giggled; "You're so cute."

Santana ran her fingers through Brittany's hair, letting her nails scratch along her scalp softly.

"Is that Kitty coming back?" Santana asked, after hearing a door close

"Probably." Brittany said

Santana sent Brittany a smile; before reaching over for her bra; she then began to put it back on when Brittany stopped her.

Santana rolled her eyes; "We can't have sex if she's here."

"San!" Brittany whined

Santana leaned in and kissed her pouting lips; "I'm gonna shower... If you wanna join me."

Brittany grinned and followed after Santana into the bathroom.


	19. I wanna hold your hand

_Thanks for all the attention to this story. I have started a new story called Love those little lies which I will be updating soon :)_

_Thank you to bodybroke who is an amazing beta :)_

* * *

3rd August 2019

Brittany punched harder at the boxing bag which was swinging lightly in front of her; shifting gently on her already pacing feet; she swung once more and hit the bag hard. She then slowed down and wrapped her arms around the bag, breathing heavily.

"What's wrong?" Ryder asked, wiping his own sticky face with a towel as he passed a clean one to Brittany.

"I feel like this tour's being extremely long." Brittany muttered with a tired expression

"Taking it's toll on you." Ryder commented

"Exactly." Brittany mumbled, wiping her face with her towel; "I think Santana is feeling sad… She's struggling to find a job she actually likes."

"The economy sucks, Britt. There's not a lot of jobs out there right now. You just have to get what you can get." Ryder said, with a sympathetic tone.

"I know... I just, Santana had a good job in LA." Brittany mumbled; "I asked her to come home."

"You didn't know that finding a new job would be so hard." Ryder said, running her fingers through his hair

Brittany nodded softly, biting her bottom lip lightly, debating what to say. "I guess it's hard to be in a routine and then be pulled out."

Ryder nodded; "She loves you, right?"

"Yeah." Brittany mumbled, as she tugged her boxing gloves off

"Then you have nothing to worry about." Ryder said

Brittany nodded softly; "I just get so worried about us."

Ryder sucked in a deep breath, and gently rubbed Brittany's shoulder; "It's normal to worry about you two... You're in love, and you're parted from each other. It's gonna be hard to cope without each other."

Brittany sniffed softly, gently wiping her eyes; "You're... You're right. It's supposed to be hard, right?"

"Yeah, Britt. I think it's natural to miss her." Ryder replied, rubbing his towel against the back of his neck; "Just talk to her. She's probably feeling the same."

Brittany nodded; "Yeah, I will. Thanks, Ryder."

Ryder smiled softly; and walked off to allow Brittany to finish her work out. Brittany released a deep breath before walking off towards the changing room. She dumped her boxing gloves beside her towel and locker, before walking towards the showering area.

After a rather quick shower, and an even quicker time dressing, she walked out of the gym and in the direction of her hotel. Brittany began calling Santana. A few rings later, she answered.

"Hey, San." Brittany said softly

"Hey..." Santana replied

Brittany noticed something different within Santana's tone but decided not to press on it, fearing an argument would be the only outcome.

"How are you?" Brittany asked

Santana sighed deeply, and Brittany could sense annoyance lacing her attitude; "Britt, now's not a good time for me."

"Oh... Maybe after work then?" Brittany suggested

"Aren't you doing a show tonight?" Santana asked, albeitly slightly rushed

"Erm, not til 7." Brittany answered, running her fingers through her slightly damp locks

"Well, I'm not out of work til 8. So it'll have to be later." Santana said

Brittany nodded dumbly, not sure how to reply to that, especially when Santana was being so closed off.

"Look... I have to go into a meeting. I'll call you back." Santana murmured, this time with a slightly apologetic tone

"Okay..." Brittany muttered

"Talk to you soon." Santana replied, before ending the phone call shortly after she finished speaking.

Brittany slipped her phone away from her ear, feeling slightly dejected from the phone call. She shrugged any doubts from her mind, and focused on the fact that Santana was probably just really busy. She was an assistant, which basically meant she'd be the one to do all the jobs through the office.

Brittany arrived back at her hotel room, and was glad to find that Kitty had found somewhere else to be. She lied along the length of her bed, watching TV until her head hurt from analyzing everything Santana said and how she sounded. She checked the time and then sighed about wasting the whole day worrying about nothing. But doubt still lingered and she quickly grabbed her phone. Typing out a quick text to Santana.

_Should I be worried about us? - Britt_

Brittany changed quickly before making her way to the hotel room door, slipping her phone into her back pocket. She walked out slamming the door behind her, letting the lock snap into place.

Brittany made her way to the Civic Centre Music hall, which was only a few blocks from her hotel. She was mentally preparing herself for a good show. She walked through the back entrance, walking towards the area where all the dancers were either getting ready for dancing or changing.

Brittany grabbed her outfit, squeezing Ryder and Kitty's arms as she quickly rushed towards the bathroom. She pulled her hotel key, her dance troupe pass, and her phone out of her pockets; before tugging her jeans off and slipping on a pair of black shorts on, with a matching black t-shirt.

Brittany bundled her clothes up and began shuffling them into the bag; about to leave when a vibration caught her ear.

Brittany slipped her phone out, not really noticing how she hesitated with pressing the buttons to open the message.

_Wow. You're not even here, and you can't wait to place our relationship in doubt. - San_

Brittany let out a surprised gasp at the reply; she wasn't trying to place anything in doubt, let alone their relationship. She was in love with Santana. Why couldn't Santana see that?

_I never even did that. We're not in doubt. I just wanna make sure we're okay. Aren't I allowed to be worried? - Britt_

Brittany placed her phone in her bag before walking out of the bathroom. She placed the bag down before finding Kitty.

"Hey, where were you?" Brittany asked

"I was with Ryder. I met him at the gym." Kitty murmured, leaning up to fix Brittany's hair; "What's wrong? You have your upset face on."

"I think me and Santana are falling out again." Brittany said softly

Kitty sighed; "You two again... Britt, you end up arguing every time you speak to her. Maybe you should just stop calling her... At least you won't argue."

Brittany nodded; "You know I can't stop calling her. She's my wife. I worry about her constantly."

Kitty heard their manager calling to be ready in a minute to go on stage. She turned to Brittany; "You need to tell her that the arguing has to stop. You're going home in two months... Do you really wanna be reunited by an argument?"

Brittany nodded; "You're right. But I'm just worried it'll only cause another argument to start."

Kitty tapped Brittany's forearm; "Look, you love her, and she loves you. Everything else is irrelevant... We should get on the stage."

Brittany nodded in agreement before following Kitty and the rest of the dancers on stage.

Santana ran her hands through her hair, brushing it back out of her face; as she slammed the front door behind her. Santana let out a low burp as she placed her files on the kitchen counter, before walking towards the fridge.

Santana pulled a chair out, and sat down to eat her quickly made sandwich. Her eyes glaring at the dull screen of her phone. She leaned forward to sip leisurely from her wine glass.

A few seconds later, Brittany's name flashed against the screen, Santana picked it up and answered it.

"Took your time calling." Santana mentioned

"Yeah... The show finished at 11." Brittany replied

Santana hummed, taking another sip, taking the glass to the sink along with her place; "Well, I don't get what there is to talk about."

"How about us? The fact all we're doing is arguing?" Brittany suggested

"Well... we can't argue unless it's over the phone or in person. All we're doing is texting angrily." Santana replied

"Whatever, Santana! I don't want to be angry with you. I love you." Brittany said

Santana sighed, placing her palm against the counter; "I'm not in the mood for late night phone sex..."

"I'm not calling for phone sex. I'm calling to make sure we're okay." Brittany replied softly, she released a deep breath, "Baby, I don't want to be worried."

"We're fine." Santana mumbled

"It doesn't fill me with confidence when you don't sound sure." Brittany said softly

"We're okay, Britt. I love you..." Santana replied, running her fingers through her hair, until she reached the back of her neck; "Britt, it just feels like you want us to be in trouble... The way you're constantly asking about us, whether you should be worried."

"Santana, all you do when I call is try to argue." Brittany replied, honestly

Santana scoffed in response before clearing her throat; "If all I wanna do is argue, don't bother calling..."

Santana hung up the phone, placing it on the counter; before turning and walking upstairs. Anger cursing through her at Brittany's rather honest tone.

* * *

4th August 2019

Brittany was woken up by her phone ringing loudly; she immediately answered it hoping it would be Santana. It turned out to be Artie Abrams, Santana and her's bank manager in New York.

"Is something wrong, Artie?" Brittany asked, a little confused why her bank manager would call

"It's your joint account. You set up a limit where you wanted to be notified when the amount went under." Artie explained, hearing the confusion lacing Brittany's tone.

"How much is it the account?" Brittany asked

"Just over $5,000." Artie quoted looking at his computer screen

"How much has gone out?" Brittany asked

"Just under $2,000..." Artie said

"What? How could it be gone?" Brittany asked

"It's been taken out since around the start of March." Artie replied; "Maybe Santana has been using the wrong card."

"Maybe, can you set up a payment every month from my account to our joint account?" Brittany asked

"Along with the extra mortgage payment coming out of their?" Artie asked to clarify

"Yeah, it's just a temporary thing. And can you deposit about 500 into Santana's own account." Brittany said

"Cool. I'll set that up, and issue you an email to confirm." Artie said

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later." Brittany replied

"Have a good day." Artie said before the phone call ended.

Brittany placed the phone down before sighing deeply. Wondering what Santana was doing with their accounts.

Brittany was in the shower when she decided not to bother questioning Santana about the money being taken out of their joint account which was savings for their future plans for a child. She knew that an argument would be the only result of any questioning.

Brittany enjoyed most of her day off, she went for a long walk, had some expensive food before returning back to the hotel for a nap.

Brittany got unchanged and climbed into bed, letting the covers rest just under her chin; she sighed as her head molded against the crisp white pillow.

Then her phone rang.

Brittany groaned in frustration before fumbling to pick it up.

"Hello?" She answered gruffly

"What the hell are you playing at?" Santana snapped

"What? What's wrong?" Brittany asked, concern instantly dripping off her tone as she sat up.

"Why the hell are you putting money into my account?" Santana questioned

"So you won't take it from our savings." Brittany replied honestly

Santana sighed sadly; "You found out."

"That you've been taking money since March? Yeah, I found out." Brittany said, running her fingers through her knotted hair; "Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"Tell you that I'm in debt? That I had to use my car payments to pay for plane tickets to see you? How could I tell you that? You're used to having no money, it's not a problem for you." Santana replied

"Santana, you think I would have judged you for having some money problems?" Brittany asked

"Money problems? I have nothing in my account... And now I have to rely on your money." Santana stressed; "But thank you... Thank you for making me feel even more worse about this."

"I'm trying to help." Brittany murmured softly

"I don't want your money." Santana revealed; "And I hate that you'd think I'd want it... God, why are you acting like this? Just because you have a good paying job you have to rub it in my face."

"San, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you don't get paid a lot... and I want to make sure you're okay. I'm not rubbing anything in your face." Brittany said

"I'm not okay, Britt... and it has nothing to do with money. I miss you, and you treat me like a child. I'm not... I don't need you to worry about me." Santana murmured

"I'm sorry..." Brittany mumbled

"Well, its whatever. Nothing will be solved until you're home... So have a good show tomorrow." Santana said

"San, no... I want us to talk. I hate how we are right now." Brittany replied

"Britt, you're not here. How can we solve anything? The whole problem is you're not here... because you don't want to be here." Santana mumbled in frustration

"I want to be with you. It's all I want. I need to dance." Brittany said

"And you don't need me right? You just want me?" Santana asked

"Santana, don't twist my words." Brittany mumbled

Santana sighed deeply, trying to sort her thoughts out; "You tried to do a good thing... But I don't want your money. I'll just trade in my car for a smaller one, a cheaper one."

"San, please just let me pay the car payments then." Brittany interjected

"Along with the mortgage payments and the money you paid into the savings?" Santana asked, to clarify; "Britt, you can't pay for everything."

"I can... until you're sorted." Brittany replied softly; "Think of it as me being a supportive wife... You supported me; and I wanna support you."

"You already support me; and we both agree I've been terrible for weeks." Santana grumbled in response

"You had a job you loved; and now you're doing something you probably hate. I get why you're acting cranky." Brittany replied; "And I love you even with your temper."

Santana smiled; "I'm sorry for being horrible. You were being sweet, trying to help..."

"I shouldn't have gone ahead without talking to you first, though." Brittany murmured

"Well, considering your track record with talking to me about things... I can't say I'm surprised." Santana replied; "Just cancel everything. I'll trade the car in for a cheaper one... I'll be fine after that."

"And our savings? Two thousand dollars, Santana." Brittany said

"We're not gonna use them yet. You're in fucking Oklahoma, Britt. How can we have a baby when you're not even here?" Santana asked; before releasing a sigh; "Look, I'll pay it back monthly... It's not a big deal. We've been building up savings since we got married. It's been 5 years, and we're nowhere near using them."

"It's not the point, Santana. We made a promise not to use them no matter how desperate." Brittany said softly; "I want a child with you. We decided IVF was the way we were going to do it."

"You're not here, Britt. Frankly, I don't even feel married. I feel like I get up early for work, leave work late, for a phone call from someone who chose to be away from me." Santana revealed sadly; "You... You don't get it. You're not here, and it sucks. But that's fine because you're home in two months... and I should feel grateful."

Brittany sighed softly; "I'm trying not to argue."

"Well, that never stopped us." Santana quipped

"I'm not choosing to be away from you." Brittany murmured

"Well, you joining a dance troupe which travels the whole fucking country practically is making you be away from me." Santana replied

"I'll be home soon... We can talk about this then." Brittany murmured

"In two months? Britt, I don't wanna talk about this then. I hate that you're apart. It's not gonna be a problem when you're home." Santana said

"Well, it's not easy to talk about this now." Brittany replied

Santana sighed; "Britt, you never wanna talk about anything unless it's to worry about us. Well, this is us... I'm worried about us, and I'm not sure if we can deal with this for another two months."

"Baby, we're fine... You said it yourself, it won't be a problem when I'm home." Brittany murmured; "I know its hard right now... but we'll be okay when I'm back."

"Until you leave again?" Santana asked, her tone sounded sad and Brittany noticed immediately.

"You know I'm not trying to leave you." Brittany said

"So this is our life, you leaving for months at a time, coming home for a few weeks before leaving again?" Santana questioned

"I'm not gonna be doing this forever." Brittany mumbled

Santana sighed deeply; rubbing her temple; "For another year? Two? More... I'm being honest, Britt. I can't do this for much longer."

"Santana, it's not gonna be for much longer." Brittany replied; "I promise."

Santana remained silent, for a few minutes, her breathing the only sound Brittany could hear; "Fine..."

"Santana, I'll be home soon... We can decide what to do for our future." Brittany replied

"Yeah... Two months... I'll make a note in my diary." Santana replied sarcastically, she released a soft breath, pinching the bridge of her nose; "I should go. I'll talk to you soon."

"Yeah, I'll call you soon." Brittany said, running her fingers through her messy locks; "Don't worry about us, baby. I love you so much."

"Yeah, you too." Santana mumbled, before hanging up the phone

Brittany heard the click of the dial tone, she bit her bottom lip before dropping her phone to the mattress underneath her with a deep sigh.

"Such a mess." Brittany mumbled in a whisper, before tugging the covers up over her head.

Santana sipped from her coffee cup, relishing the slightly burning sensation of her piping hot black coffee. Her eyes closing as she let the hot coffee run over her tongue before traveling down her throat.

"You look like you're making love to that coffee." Quinn mentioned, snapping Santana out of her coffee induced haze.

"I love coffee." Santana replied, with a soft smirk; as she placed her cup down on the table in front of her.

"So... How's the job going?" Quinn asked, wiping her mouth with a white napkin; "Frannie said you're doing great at it."

Santana nodded, "Wow... I thought she hated me."

Quinn laughed; "She comes across like that... but she must like you, she never brags about someone."

Santana pursed her lips; "Well, I'm surprised. It's good... I like it."

"It's just not what you want?" Quinn asked

"I want to write... It's always what I wanted to do." Santana replied

"Well, continue looking for opportunities on the side." Quinn murmured, taking a quick sip of her milky hot chocolate; "So... Are we gonna discuss why you called me?"

Santana let out a poof of air before picking up her coffee cup.

"Look, I get why you don't want her to give you money." Quinn said

"It's like I'm a child, Q. I have to rely on my wife's money... It's not..." Santana replied, running her fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp; "I don't need to feel inadequate by my own wife, you know?"

"You know that's not what she's trying to do. She loves you, anyone can see that. She's trying to make sure you're okay." Quinn said softly, letting her fingers tap against her cup

"Well, I'm not... and it has nothing to do with money problems." Santana mumbled

"I get that it hurts." Quinn said making Santana nod in agreement; "But it's Britt... It's your wife... and you don't wanna lose her."

"I shouldn't have to feel this way, especially by her." Santana replied, with a slight annoyed expression; "Life's not supposed to be this... miserable. I get it now. Why she wanted something new because life sucks when you do the same thing every day."

"Maybe you can understand how she felt then." Quinn mentioned, reaching for a clean napkin

"Well, I get how she felt... but I don't agree with what she did to make her life a little more exciting." Santana said

"She didn't cheat, Santana. I mean... Hiding it from you was wrong but she didn't try to sleep with him or anything." Quinn replied

"Yet! What if Marley didn't tell me? I wouldn't have found out, and she wouldn't have told me... So anything could have happened." Santana said

Quinn sighed; "You can't keep analyzing what could have happened. Brittany could have lied when Marley told you... but she didn't. She chose to be honest, however late you think it was."

Santana remained silent but offered a soft nod; as she scraped her forefinger nail against the top of the table.

"I know I'm being harsh on her... but I'm still angry." Santana said softly; "I love her... but things haven't been sorted. She's left me to do what makes her happy... and that's fine, I'm glad she's happy... but I'm not... and whether she likes it or not... I blame her."

"Santana, she didn't cause this." Quinn replied

"I left California, for her. Why? To live in our house alone." Santana said

"She wants to be with you." Quinn murmured

"Obviously not enough to be with me... but we'll be fine, I'll just deal with everything, and she'll enjoy her life with everyone else but me." Santana replied, bitterly

"Santana, come on. You're being petty. She wants to be with you." Quinn said

"She didn't have to do this... She could have taken dance lessons, became a teacher... and stayed with me." Santana said, firmly; "She chose the only option away from me." Santana rolled her eyes before standing up; "I should go... I have work early tomorrow."

"Oh... I'll call you then." Quinn replied softly, sending her a polite smile, unsure how to make certain that Santana was okay.

"Yeah, talk soon." Santana said, before turning and walking out of the coffee shop, the idea of being angry at Brittany was burning through her.


	20. The idea of love always scared me

_Thanks to everyone whose still reading. The pace of the story will increase now. _

_A big thank you to bodybroke who is amazing :) _

_I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

* * *

12th November 2019

Santana sank deeper into her chair, her hands letting the magazine rest purely on her lap.

"Marley, is it on yet?" Santana asked, glancing over the curtain covered changing room.

"Let her change in peace. Doesn't this make you wanna get married?"" Quinn murmured, as she glanced through the different aisles of wedding dresses; before turning to look at Tina and Santana; "Again?"

"No." Santana replied curtly, not in the mood to waste time with silly questions when Brittany was due back from the nearby starbucks.

Tina giggled, looking up from Sophie's face to glance at Santana; "Not even a second marriage to Britt?"

"What's the point? We're already married... It'll change nothing." Santana grumbled, with an annoyed expression.

"It's supposed to renew your vows, show that your love for each other hasn't changed." Quinn said, sending Santana a pointed look

"It sounds like a way of gaining money from idiots who have too much." Santana replied, leaning forward, to stroke her forefinger against Sophie's rosy cheek; "I'm right, aren't I cutie?"

Tina laughed as Sophie giggled in response; "Sounds like you're right."

"I'm always right..." Santana said, leaning back; "Weddings are boring anyway... God knows why Marley's following tradition."

"Even your own?" Quinn asked, with a crooked eyebrow, as if testing Santana who rolled her eyes.

"My wedding was perfect because of Britt; not because of the over priced venue, dresses, and the rest of the crap." Santana replied

Quinn licked her lips in thought, before letting out a soft sigh; "Brittany's lucky... you know that right?"

"She's visiting practically every state doing what she loves, yeah.. I'd say that was accurate." Santana replied curtly

"Well, that's Brittany through and through." Tina mumbled

"If you're going to badmouth my wife, do it elsewhere." Santana snapped, curtly; her eyes glaring at Tina dangerously.

"What, you badmouth her yourself..." Tina grumbled

"She's my wife. I'm allowed to criticize her decisions." Santana replied

"So am I." Tina said

"No, you're not. Stop saying things about Brittany... or I'll make sure things stop." Santana said

"How?" Tina asked

"Don't make me choose between you and her... Because she'll win every time." Santana replied, turning to cross her leg over the other one, releasing a deep breath.

"Look, I'm just angry at what she did. I don't hate her; she's Britt. Everyone loves her, she's a great person and friend... but she nearly ruined things." Tina said

"Oh, I didn't realize you were married to her." Santana replied sarcastically

"You know what I mean." Tina mumbled, gently wiping Sophie's face with a napkin

Santana looked over to Quinn who shrugged her shoulders in response, signaling for Santana to tackle it herself; "Brittany's my wife... and I'll handle things that involve me and her... and our marriage, okay? I get your concern, and I love you for it... but it doesn't involve you."

Tina nodded softly in response, the message being received loud and clear; "I get it... I'll back off."

Santana nodded, shifting in her chair whilst willing Marley to hurry up changing so the conversation would change; "I don't appreciate you badmouthing my wife when she could just walk in. Have some respect, she was one of your best friends."

Tina nodded softly; "I get it..."

Santana let out a deep sigh, her eyes flickering to the entrance, wondering where Brittany was.

Quinn giggled; "Someone's cranky."

"Lack of Brittany." Tina interjected, with a grin

Santana rolled her eyes before standing up; and walking towards the window, to try and find Brittany.

"I'm back." Brittany called, as she let the entrance door close behind her; Santana turned round and sent her a small smile; Brittany passed two coffees to Quinn and Tina before walking towards Santana; "I got you an iced caramel... I thought we could share."

Santana nodded, and leaned forward to meet Brittany's lips in a chaste kiss; "I talked to Tina... About how... She's treating you. Long overdue, I know... but it's done."

Brittany nodded softly, and pressed another kiss to Santana's lips; "Thanks..."

Santana sighed, and turned to face the curtain covered changing room; "I don't get what's taking her so long. She's practically marrying herself right now."

Brittany giggled, and leaned down to press a kiss to Santana's skin, where the shoulder met the neck. "You're so impatient."

"She's gonna look perfect whatever she wears." Santana grumbled, as she let herself rest against Brittany's front; "And there's much better things I'd rather do than stand in a wedding shop."

"What kinda things?" Brittany asked, against the rim of Santana's ear

"Like last night, and this morning... Kinda things." Santana replied, turning her head so her lips could meet Brittany's in a light kiss; her lips parted slightly to allow the tip of Brittany's tongue to dip into her mouth.

Brittany let her fingers glide through Santana's medium length locks as she pressed her lips back against Santana's firmly. Santana pulled away with a low moan, ignoring the pointed glare from Quinn.

"She'll be ready soon." Brittany murmured, letting the tips of her fingers glide along the back of Santana's neck, feeling Santana relax more against her body; she gently squeezed at the curve of her hip; "Wanna do dinner tonight? Hit a restaurant..."

"Yeah, baby... Sounds good." Santana said

Brittany placed a light kiss against Santana's hairline; "Cool."

Tina tapped Santana's shoulder; "Can I talk to Britt?"

Santana looked to Brittany who nodded; "Sure."

Santana sat on the nearest chair to Tina and Brittany, not wanting to leave them alone in case Tina was rude to Brittany again.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I've said." Tina said softly, her fingers coming up to brush through her own locks; "I just... I guess I felt like you got away with treating Santana like that. I mean, you're doing everything you ever wanted; and all you had to do was lie to your wife... I just... I guess I felt annoyed that you'd got off without anything happening."

Brittany leaned forward; and angrily snapped; "I nearly lost my wife. Is that what you class as nothing happening?"

Tina stepped back; "Back off. You didn't lose anything. She's sitting right there."

"And that means everything's okay? Just because we're together doesn't mean everything's okay... You have no idea what's going on between us. So please stop trying to interfere because your life is obviously too dull to keep you happy." Brittany snapped

Santana pressed her palm over the material covering Brittany's stomach; "Calm down..."

Tina released a deep breath; "And you wonder why I badmouth you?"

Santana snapped her eyes to Tina; "I asked you to stop this."

Tina rolled her eyes; "Be honest, Santana for once in your life."

Santana scoffed before turning to look back at Brittany.

"What is she talking about?" Brittany asked

"Nothing... Just some rubbish to cause even more problems between us." Santana said

"As if you need any help." Tina replied, moving to sit down in front of her child.

Santana rolled her eyes; and let her palm brush against Brittany's upper arm; "Look, we'll talk about this at home along with everything else."

"I thought we were going for dinner?" Brittany asked

Santana nodded; "We are... Afterwards."

Santana turned to glance at the changing room; when the curtains opened and Marley walked out, wearing a traditional wedding dress, tight around the torso before flowing downwards into a small train by her feet.

"Wow, Rose..." Santana murmured, her eyes running over the dress; "Literally speechless..."

Marley let her small hand slid over the smooth white material, as she turned from everyone's faces.

"You look incredible." Tina said softly, making Marley smile wider.

"Really? You think it's the one?" Marley asked, looking down at the perfectly molded dress.

"You look so beautiful." Quinn replied softly; "I think it looks perfect for you."

Brittany nodded softly; her hand which was resting against Santana's hip slowly slipped off as Santana walked closer towards Marley. Her tan fingers wrapping lightly around Marley's thin wrist.

"Rose, this is the one, sweetie. This is the dress you're getting married in." Santana murmured gently, watching as Marley nodded with a tears forming in her eyes; "Don't cry..."

"I found it..." Marley whispered, holding back a sob which was released shortly after, along with a small giggle; "I found the dress... I'm marrying Jake in."

Santana smiled softly, letting her fingers rub gently against Marley's forearm; "Yeah, you have."

Marley then turned to Tina and Quinn who were bursting with unsaid compliments. Santana looked at Brittany who was already looking at her.

"What?" Santana asked, brushing a strand of her hair back behind her ear, Brittany let a grin ghost over her features; as her fingers followed Santana's path, as she took her own lock of hair behind her small ear.

"You are such a good friend." Brittany said softly, letting a small blush cover her cheeks; "I've missed seeing you like that..."

Santana shrugged softly; "I guess you've missed a lot..."

"Not for long." Brittany replied, stroking her fingers along Santana's tanned wrist, until her fingers entwined with Santana's; "So shall I book reservations?"

Santana nodded; "I guess so."

Brittany pursed her lips for a moment before leaning forward until her pouty lips pressed against Santana's forehead gently; "We don't have to... I mean, dinner at home will be fine."

"I don't mind." Santana replied, pressing a quick kiss to Brittany's cheek before stepping forward to involve herself in the conversation with Marley, Tina and Quinn.

"Marley's gonna buy this one." Quinn said

"Oh that's great." Santana replied, watching as Marley grinned

"I'm gonna get unchanged; and then buy it... You guys are free to leave if you want. I mean... We're meeting up tomorrow to buy the bridesmaids dresses." Marley said

"Yeah... I think we're gonna take off... but that dress... You're killing it." Santana said, leaning in to briefly press a kiss to Marley's cheek, trying to avoid touching the dress in fear of marking it; "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah... See you tomorrow... And thank you for today." Marley replied

Santana smiled, sending Marley a wink before saying a quick goodbye to Tina and Quinn. Brittany followed after Santana's lead, saying goodbye to Marley, Tina and Quinn before leaving the wedding dress shop with Santana.

Santana and Brittany arrived home a few minutes later, Santana excused herself to take a shower, Brittany found herself alone in their bedroom, dressed for their dinner reservations, watching the news.

Santana walked out wearing just a towel; her hair slightly damp; Brittany shifted until she was sitting up.

"Sorry..." Brittany mumbled

Santana giggled, walking over and leaning over until her face as inches away from Brittany's; "Were you sleeping, baby?"

Brittany let a sheepish grin appear on her face; "Not yet."

Santana let out a sharp poof of air, before moving until she was sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers combing through Brittany as if like a soothing manner; "You wanna stay home?"

"Not if you wanna go out." Brittany replied, her eyes flashing open to meet Santana's.

"I'm not really bothered." Santana grumbled, leaning down to press her lips to the skin above Brittany's left eyebrow; "I'm gonna order Chinese... Do you wanna get a beer or something?"

Brittany smiled; and grabbed Santana's wrist before she could leave; she let her lips pressed against the inside of her wrist; "Thank you for today."

"I didn't do anything, Britt." Santana said softly, her fingers stroking down Brittany's face.

"I know but... You weren't angry at me... and I appreciate it." Brittany replied

Santana released a small poof of air from her parted lips; she tugged her arm free; "Britt, don't do this right now."

"What?" Brittany asked

"Don't act like I'm being this great person, when you know I am angry at you... I just... I don't want our time together to be based on me being angry with you." Santana said, running her fingers through her damp hair; "I'm not in the mood for you to try and make out that I'm acting like we're okay... So that makes us okay... We're not."

"I was just thanking you for making today nice. You don't have to bring this up all the time. I get it, okay? Our marriage isn't okay. You don't have to remind me every day. I know it by now... and if not, I'm sure you'll remind me tomorrow." Brittany snapped abruptly; sliding off the bed; "I'll go cancel our reservations."

Santana rolled her eyes as Brittany slammed the bedroom door behind her; before walking towards her wardrobe.

Santana quickly got dressed into a clean white vest and a pair of baggy shorts before walking on enroute to the bathroom; losing her footing slightly on the edge of Brittany's suitcase. Santana released a deep sigh as she leaned down, and picked up the knocked over suitcase. As her fingers traced over the handle, a single tear ran down her cheek.

Santana sniffed softly; and stood up, wiping her eyes as Brittany walked in from the kitchen; a small bowl of ice cream in her hand.

"What's wrong?" Brittany mumbled, with the spoon between her lips

"Nothing. Just me repeating myself. Crying all the time, just doing everything over again." Santana quipped; as she continued walking towards the bathroom.

"I didn't mean it like that." Brittany said

"Then how did you mean it?" Santana asked, turning round to look at Brittany; "I'm reminding you every day that our marriage is failing. And you're fed up... Well, forget it. I'm done telling you things that you know about; and refuse to fix them."

"I can't fix them, can I?" Brittany snapped, slamming her bowl on the dressing table beside her; "You're blaming me. I don't have any problems. Why don't you fix your own fucking problems? You moan about your stupid job, I had a job for 5 years, and I didn't complain once. You know why?"

Santana remained silent, slightly shocked by Brittany's outburst.

"I didn't because of you. Because you were so happy that I got that job. I felt guilty for wanting something more. And I felt angry... Angry at my wife for forcing me to take a job, she knew I didn't want." Brittany continued

"I don't want you to want more, Britt. I wanted you to just want me... but you didn't." Santana replied

"I do want you... I dealt with everything in the wrong way, I've admitted that but I can't be punished for the rest of my life." Brittany said, her eyes now leaving Santana's.

Santana sighed deeply but didn't respond.

Brittany cleared her throat, her tone slightly softer; "San, I can't fix problems which aren't mine. I'm not here for some time... But it's only until January."

"And then what?" Santana asked, her tone quiet, snapping Brittany to lower her eyes to meet Santana's teary ones; "And then what, Britt? We live happily ever after."

"And we'll be together... and we can be happy." Brittany said

Santana nodded, licking her lips as she stepped back and in through the half opened bathroom door; "I don't see the point in even arguing with you anymore. You think you're right, so yeah, we'll be happy when you're back."

Brittany didn't reply as Santana turned to lock the bathroom door. Brittany switched the mute button off the TV, and resumed watching the news channel. There was no point in getting upset about Santana when she was due to leave tomorrow.

Brittany climbed underneath sheets, and had switched off the TV and lights by the time, Santana had returned from the bathroom. Her eyes red rimmed, even in the dim light from the moon, Brittany felt guilty for arguing on the night of her leaving.

Brittany held her breath as the bed dipped beside her; the bed sheets being tugged away from her slightly, to cover over Santana's body.

"I'm sorry. " Santana said softly

Hearing nothing in response, Santana sighed; "I love you, Britt."

Brittany felt a stab in her heart as Santana's words cut deep. She didn't know why she hadn't reply to Santana. She just felt too tired for even making up. It wouldn't change anything, Santana would still consider their marriage in some trouble. She released her sigh and turned over, her back facing Santana as she willed sleep to take over and end this night.

* * *

13th November 2019

As Brittany quietly busied herself round the bedroom, finishing getting ready. She took her bags down to her car before returning to the almost silent bedroom. The almost soothing little whimpers emitting from Santana's mouth.

Brittany slipped her jacket on as she watched Santana sleep, part of her wondered whether to just let her sleep or wake her up to say goodbye.

Brittany walked closer to the bed, and bent down, pressing her lips against Santana's forehead; "I love you too baby, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm hurting you... You know I don't wanna hurt you."

Brittany walked back to the door, she sent once more glance to Santana's sleeping form, worried about whether an argument would be the only result if she woke Santana up to say goodbye. With a heavy sigh, she decided to write a small note instead, placing it on the pillow beside Santana before she softly closed the door and left out of the house.


	21. Ask me why

_Thanks to everyone who is still reading this. A huge thank you to bodybroke :) _

_Please notice the time changes._

_Enjoy :)_

* * *

12th February 2020

Santana leaned back against the black leather couch, the warmth of red wine coating her tongue and lips; as she giggled happily to the children's programme playing on tv; Sophie giggled along with her, her tiny hands curled over the hem of Santana's t-shirt.

"Where's your mommy, Soph?" Santana asked tickling Sophie's cheeks; she shifted Sophie against her chest, and stood up; walking in through the kitchen, where she met Brittany, Mike and Tina's gazes; "What?"

"Can I have Sophie?" Tina asked, stepping forward with her hands

Santana's furrowed her eyebrows, before letting Sophie be placed in her mother's hands; "What's with the silence?"

"Nothing, we just... You're just a little... drunk." Mike replied softly

Santana laughed; "I had one drink. I'm not drunk."

"You had four that I know of." Mike corrected her

Santana rolled her eyes; "Four drinks? Wow... I'm a killer."

Brittany bit her bottom lip, and turned to Santana in the hope of calming things down before they esclatered; "Maybe we should just go home."

"So we can ignore each other there?" Santana quipped, her eyes snapping to Brittany's face.

"Santana, you're drunk. You won't even remember this tomorrow." Brittany mumbled

"Wow, if I'm a fucking drunk, don't put me in charge of looking after your kid, huh?" Santana quipped, pressing her finger against Mike's shoulder, before turning around and walking to the front door.

Brittany let out a sigh; "Sorry guys."

"It's fine, make sure she's okay." Tina said, whilst rubbing Sophie's back.

Brittany nodded and walked out of the house. She saw Santana sitting in the passenger seat of their vehicle; and she climbed into the driving seat.

"Thanks for not driving." Brittany said

"I'm drunk, remember?" Santana replied, letting her head lol to the side, to rest against the window.

Brittany clicked her tongue before turning the engine on, and making her way out of the drive way; and onto the main road.

A more than familiar silent filled the car, saved only by the quiet hum coming from the radio. Santana tapped her fingers against her thigh to the beat, Brittany moved her hand over to Santana's leg.

"Look, I'm sorry about before." Brittany said softly

"Don't bother." Santana replied, pushing Brittany's hand off her knee

"You can understand it, can't you? I mean, She's only a baby." Brittany said

Santana snapped her head to the side; her eyes meeting the side of Brittany's face; "I didn't do anything to Sophie. I haven't done anything wrong. Do you think I hurt her or something?"

"No, I never even said that." Brittany said, tightening her hold on the steering wheel, as she turned around a corner.

"I'm not some fucking drunk who doesn't know what I'm doing. I know you've told everyone I have some problem with alcohol... I don't..." Santana replied, making Brittany turn to look at her, concern written all over her face.

"Santana, you've been drinking a lot recently." Brittany mumbled in response as she turned into their street.

Santana scoffed lightly; "How the fuck would you know? You've been back a week, you know nothing about anything I've been doing recently."

"You drank more in a week than I've ever seen you drink." Brittany said

Santana shook her head at Brittany, before she turned to look out of the window, trying to stop herself from arguing.

Brittany released a deep sigh before turning to park outside their house; "We're here."

Santana sent her a glare before unbuckling her seat belt; she unlocked the door and climbed out. Brittany leaned forward; her forehead resting against the steering wheel as she tried to sort her head out.

"Are you fucking coming in?" Santana called loudly

Brittany turned to their front door, and found Santana standing beside the door. She sighed deeply and climbed out of the vehicle.

"Yeah..." Brittany called back

Santana nodded and walked inside, leaving the front door open for Brittany who took her time to walk inside. She turn and locked the front door, before walking into the kitchen.

"Do you want a glass?" Santana asked, as she continued pouring some white wine into her glass

"San-" Brittany started

"Do you want a glass of wine or not? I don't want a fucking lecture." Santana snapped

"No." Brittany replied; "Someone has to be sober."

Santana laughed; "Someone has to be... Yeah, right!"

Brittany sighed softly; leaning against the dining table; "Do you need to be so defensive?"

"Yeah, I do." Santana replied; "Especially when you're attacking me all the time."

Brittany looked up at Santana; "I'm not attacking you. I'm just worried."

"Worried? I'm having a couple extra glasses of wine... It's nothing." Santana said, taking a quick sip of her wine

"It's not just a couple extra, San. I found two bottles last night." Brittany replied

"Quinn was round last night." Santana said

"I know. I just-" Brittany said

"You just wanted to blame it on me." Santana interrupted, placing her glass on the kitchen counter

Santana rubbed her hands together, her tongue slowly slipping out of her mouth, to swipe across her bottom lip. Brittany rubbed her hands together, the tension slowly slipping into the atmosphere, making things between them awkward.

"I'm gonna take a shower." Santana said, breaking the silence

"Oh... Yeah." Brittany mumbled

Santana looked back at Brittany; before sighing and walking out of the room. Brittany pushed herself off the table, and walked into the front room, her head was pounding slightly from the tension between her and Santana.

Sinking deep into the couch, Brittany released a deep breath; her head resting back against the couch. Her eyes automatically closing as the tension ran through her body.

Santana pressed her right palm against the moist tiles in front of her; the warmth of the water covering her front. Santana released a shaky breath, in the almost humid atmosphere, her head lowering underneath to dip underneath the flow of the water.

Santana's heard a light click in the bathroom; before feeling a warm hand press against her lower back. She shifted away from the touch, looking over her shoulder to meet Blue eyes.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked, wiping the water from her eyes

"I just... I thought..." Brittany started before ending up shrugging her shoulders

"You haven't touched... me since christmas." Santana said softly, her eyes avoiding Brittany's; "I just... I'm not sure we should jump back into that."

Brittany sucked her lips into her mouth; as she pressed her hand against the tiled wall; "You... You have to tell me that in the shower."

"Britt, when were you gonna listen to me?" Santana asked, moving passed Brittany to wrap a towel around her body; "You barely even look at me anymore, nevermind talk to me... Except if its to cricise. God knows you love to do that."

"You think I got a warm welcoming? You didn't even pick me up at the airport." Brittany replied, switching off the water and climbing out of the bath, to pick her own towel up.

"I would have if you came when you said you would! I had to wait another month for you." Santana snapped, storming out of the bathroom into their bedroom

"It wasn't my fault." Brittany replied in a softer tone; as she followed her into the bedroom

"No, I mean you didn't sign up for a stupid dance troupe tour, did you? You didn't state that you could work whenever they wanted you too. This was done to you, right?" Santana called sarcastically over her shoulder as she rooted in their bottom drawer

Brittany sighed deeply, perching on the edge of their bed; "You promised to support me on this. Ever since I started dancing, you've hate it. And I'm sorry, your job isn't good right now."

"It doesn't matter, anyway. I mean your job is perfect. And you deserve it... for all your troubles." Santana said

Brittany rubbed her face slowly; "When did we become so mean to each other?"

"Right around the time when you decided you deserved more than this." Santana replied softly

Brittany shook her head softly but didn't reply. She remained staring at the one remaining picture of them in their bedroom, the wedding photo was perched against their dressing table. She recognised the genuinely happy faces on both of them, the way they were looking at each other, now seemed unbelievable to think about ever looking at each other in that way again.

"When have I ever said I deserve more?" Brittany asked, looking away from the photograph to Santana's almost worn out expression

"When working at a diner wasn't fulfilling for you... When you completely change after you left to dance... You didn't have to say anything but we know that you want more." Santana replied softly, her hand grasping tightly on the edge of her towel; "Dancing is what you do, it's who you are... and it's my fault for making you forget about that which has caused this."

Brittany shook her head; "What are you saying exactly?"

"I think you should go on tour again." Santana said softly, her tone almost breaking her own resolve; the resolve which Brittany could easily see was that strong to begin with. Chocolate eyes barely holding the tears in, Brittany watched as Santana wringed her hands anixously.

"What... Why are you doing this?" Brittany asked

Santanan clenched her jaw tightly; her eyes glancing up at the ceiling; she tried to calm her rapid breathing down. The way her chest rose and fell heavily made Brittany feel bad, for the way Santana seemed unable to talk.

"You want to go, don't you?" Santana asked, her eyes still avoiding Brittany's

"I don't... I haven't even thought about going again." Brittany replied

Santana laughed drly; "Oh please, you told Marley that you wanted to go."

Brittany leaned back, her fingers scratching her knee; "I do wanna go again. I haven't decided when. I told Marley that I would love to go, but I never said when. I hadn't even thought about going again yet.."

Santana rolled her eyes, as she moved to tug some clean clothes on; "You don't need to worry about deciding. You can go whenever you want."

"Why are you pushing this?" Brittany asked

Santana threw her towel on the floor; before sighing deeply; "Look, I'm not pushing this. I just would have liked to know that you going again was an option. To hear it from Marley was really sneaky, Britt."

Brittany watched as Santana tugged a clean red vest on; her fingers reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "She wasn't supposed to tell you."

"I don't know why I'm surprised... I have to find out everything about you from Marley. I mean... You didn't even tell me that you practically hated your life." Santana replied

"I didn't hate my life." Brittany interjected, denying that claim immediately

"Well, you sure went out of your way to change it." Santana said, her hand resting against her hip as she leaned againt the door frame; "I just... I feel weird that you're even here. I'm used to spending nights alone... and now you're here, and expecting us to just fall back into place."

Brittany sighed, her fingers rubbing her temple, trying to ease the headache which was clearly forming; "I don't expect anything."

Santana pursed her lips, releasing a deep breath; her fingers scratching the frayed painted door frame; "I'm probably so _drunk _right now, so I'm gonna go to bed."

Brittany sighed sadly; "I didn't mean you were drunk. I just was saying you drank a lot tonight."

"Well, when you leave again, you won't have to deal with it. Will it?" Santana asked, running her fingers through her hair

"I'm not leaving until we're okay." Brittany said

Santana bit her bottom lip; "Britt, can you even hear yourself? You're gonna force yourself to wait until we're okay."

Brittany stood up, walking to where Santana was leaning against their wall, "I'll fix us."

Santana sighed, walking towards her side of the bed; she tugged the bed sheets over, and climbed in between the crisp white sheets.

"Are we done arguing now?" Brittany asked

"Are we still speaking? because that was a rare occassion for today... normally you just hide out in your 'dance' area until I'm too drunk to notice you're back in the room." Santana said

"I don't hide out. I work out. I don't wanna become lazy just because I don't have to stick to a scheduele anymore." Brittany said, changing into some clean clothes; her eyes never leaving Santana's; "You think I'm some hateful person who doesn't want anything to do with you. It's the complete opposite."

Santana scratched her fingernail against the smooth bed sheet; "I don't know what you want, Britt. That's what started this; you didn't tell me what you wanted... and now, you don't like the consequences."

"Consequences? I made a mistake, one you haven't let me forget in over a year." Brittany bit back, her anger only restoring with the tone and words Santana was using; "You forgave me, Santana. You chose to forgive me; You can't use that against me, when you chose to take me back."

"Maybe I haven't forgiven you then." Santana said softly, making Brittany stop from slipping a pair of extra wooly socks on.

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked, her blue eyes dangerously staring at Santana

"That I still hold it against you, and I don't know how to forgive you. I hate arguing with you, because you're never gonna see anything from my point of view. I'm the one who has problems; I'm the one who doesn't take responsibilitly for anything. You've done nothing wrong, is that what you need me to say?" Santana asked, watching as Brittany slipped between the sheets.

"No... I just want us to put the past behind us; and move on with our life." Brittany said softly

Santana clicked her tongue against her teeth; before nodding softly, as if just wanting to end the conversation; "Okay then..."

Brittany watched as Santana rolled onto her side, and switched her lamp off; before resuming her position, lying on her back.

"Goodnight." Santana said

Brittany nodded softly, a little confused with how the argument had ended, so calm, so unfinished. Brittany clicked off her lamp; and replied softly. "Yeah, night..."

* * *

13th April 2020

"The whole account is empty. That's what you're telling me?" Brittany asked in disbelief

"Your outgoings since you finised the tour has increased dastically. If you want to continue living the way you are; the only options is get a high paying job or continue with tours." Artie said

"The whole 5 thousand is just gone? I can't believe it." Brittany mumbled; her body actually reacting to the shock that their savings were gone. Her stomach dropping at the thought that her savings were for their plans of a family.

"Brittany, you've only spend your savings. You're not in debt, you can make the money up if you find a job which allows you to build up your savings again." Artie said softly; "I'm here if you have any problems regarding money."

"Thank you. I should go. I'll call you with a plan." Brittany replied

"Talk soon." Artie said

Brittany hung up the phone, placing it down as she leaned forward and rubbed her temple. The idea of going on tour again was more than tempting for her.

Given her age and the stiff competition from dancers who were younger and more experienced, it was slim chance that she'd ever get offered a chance to dance on the sheer level she was presented with now. It was only a dance troop tour but it was a great opportunity. And given her luck with opportunities with dancing after graduation, it was hard to resist after longing for a chance for so long.

Especially taking into account what happened to her marriage to Santana. It nearly failed due to the stresses of tour. The thought of risking Santana was enough to say no to any offer of dancing.

But they were both nearly 30; and had just practically wasted their savings. They had both agreed to try for a baby around the turning point from 20s to 30s. They could never afford IVF without the wage she was making on tour. And she knew not having a baby now, would only present Santana with the idea she just didn't want one with her.

Sighing deeply, Brittany made the decision she had to talk to Santana about this. About their options. If she was open to waiting a year, then they could save the money for IVF and plan their family. Or they could find another way, Brittany could try finding a job with a wage that made IVF an affordable future prospect.

As Brittany climbed out of her car, she walked along the slightly cracked sidewalk; she looked around for Fabray Enterprise. As she saw the sign, she walked ahead and met the bleak building.

The tall grey building reminded Brittany of the same one in Charlie and the chocolate factory. Except this one didn't have gates stopping people from coming out/in and inside was magical chocolate surprises.

Brittany ignored the feeling of dread for coming to Santana's work's but she hadn't come home in two days and honestly Brittany was worried about that.

Taking each stair like a step to her impending reunion with Santana; it made her hands start to sweat; the clammy feeling spread all the way over her body. The hairs on the back of her neck stood erect with a slight un-nerving feeling. The one when you never know what's going to happen next.

Brittany comes onto the second floor which is where the receptionist directed her too. The small standard two walled offices painted the office floor. Her blue curious eyes landed on a glass windowed office; where through the blinds two figures could clearly be seen. Things had been a lot better between the two of them but Brittany knew that things had the potential to change within seconds.

Brittany made her way to the office as her eyes hadn't landed on Santana; she was just about to know where thin fingers wrapped around her wrist.

Brittany didn't know what expression to see but honestly she wasn't expecting Santana to act so unbothered.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked, letting go of Brittany's wrist to brush her fingers against Brittany's face until her palm felt her forehead; "You're not sick are you?"

"No, San... I'm fine." Brittany replied, taking Santana's hand back; her fingers easily slipping between hers; "I thought we could do lunch."

"Lunch? Erm sure." Santana said, gently tugging her hand free to taking the files which were resting underneath her arm; "Let me just place these down."

Brittany nodded and followed Santana towards her office; she placed her files down before reaching down for her purse.

"Ready?" Brittany asked, with a shy smile

Santana nodded. They turned and left the office floor; and then the building.

"There's some places down this street." Santana said, pointing down a street, Brittany nodded and turned to follow Santana down the street, where numerous places to eat were revealed.

"What do you fancy?" Brittany asked, reaching to grab Santana's hand, which caused Santana to turn to look at her; "Is this okay?"

Santana nodded, before huffing lightly; her eyes moving away from Brittany's. "I really want pasta."

"Pasta it is then." Brittany said softly; letting her hand squeeze Santana's; "This one looks good."

Santana followed Brittany inside the restaurent; sitting opposite her wife at their table. Santana placed her purse on the table, before reaching for her menu. Brittany let out a sigh before reaching for her own menu.

"What are you getting? I might get the shrimp pasta..." Santana said to herself more than Brittany; "I'm so hungry, I was up until 5 this morning; I fell asleep and woke up at 8."

"Is that why you didn't come home yesterday?" Brittany asked, avoiding the waitress who stood beside their table

"I was working." Santana replied, taking a sip of her water

"And you couldn't call me?" Brittany asked; "Once in two days?"

Santana had to stop herself from rolling her eyes; choosing to send Brittany a pointed glare instead; "Oh, you know all about staying away from home and not calling."

"I was-" Brittany started to say before Santana waved her hand

"Whatever. Can we just order?" Santana asked, letting her fingers tap against the table; "Or would you like to embarrass me some more?"

Brittany let her eyes move until they reached the ones of the waitress; "Can we have some lemonade?"

Santana sighed, leaning back in her chair, gently crossing her right leg over her left.

"Do you want to order now?" The waitress asked, looking from Santana and Brittany

"I'll have the shrimp pasta, please." Santana replied

"Um... The small texas tom pizza." Brittany added

"I'll bring that out for you now." The waitress said with a small before turning around and walking away.

Santana licked her lips as she slipped her phone out of her purse; Brittany leaned forward.

"Thank you for coming to lunch." Brittany said softly; running her fingers through her hair; "I know things have been tense since we agreed to put the past behind us."

Santana raised a eyebrow; "Things have been tense?"

"Yeah, I think things are tense between us right now." Brittany said

Santana hummed but chose not to say anything. The moment was gone when Brittany's phone began to ring.

"I should get this. I'll only be a minute." Brittany said, standing up and walking towards the open doors to the garden. She stood outside and answered her phone.

"I thought I had until tomorrow." Brittany said

"Everyone else has agreed to come. I've given you enough time to make a decision. I need it now." David said

"I... You promised me until tomorrow." Brittany replied

"Well, I lied. Now are you coming or not?" David asked

Brittany turned to look at Santana was not so sneaky stealing a slice of pizza off Brittany's place; when meeting Brittany's eyes, she crinkled her nose and playfully took a bite.

Brittany thought about having lunch with Santana but with a small child with them. A little boy or girl with caramel skin, and light brown hair, a mixture of both hers and Santanas. Maybe Santana would be making funny playful faces at their child. It filled her with the determination to have a child at the thought of Santana being a co-parent with her. She needed to have a family with Santana.

"I'm coming." Brittany said softly, hoping she wouldn't regret this decision. but the thought of having a child with Santana made her decision feel right.

"Great, see you in two weeks. I'll email you the adress on where we're meeting." David said

"Thanks... Bye." Brittany replied

"See you." David said, before hanging up

Brittany let the phone slip from her ear; her eyes never leaving Santana. As she took a sharp intake of breath, she made her way back towards their table.

"Who was that?" Santana asked, using a napkin to wipe her mouth any remaining stains around her mouth

"It was Artie, I asked him to call me if my bonus got paid." Brittany replied

Santana nodded with a small smile; "Thank you for taking me to lunch."

Brittany smiled; "It's fine, San."

Santana wiped her mouth with her napkin; she placed her fork down beside her plate. Brittany took a large bite of her pizza slice, whilst leaning forward.

"Will you be home tonight?" Brittany asked, between several bites of her meal.

"I should be." Santana replied, as she took a large sip of her lemonade; "I'm only working until 6."

Brittany clicked her tongue, before nodding; "We could go for dinner, I mean... I haven't been out for dinner since I got back."

Santana nodded, whilst checking her phone for the time; "Look, I should get back... Fran sets a limit of 15 minutes for lunch."

Brittany nodded and swallowed thickly; putting out some money and placing it on top of the bill. She then stood up, and followed Santana out of the restaurent. They walked towards the building.

Santana walked to the elevator, she pressed the call button, and turned to Brittany as she waited for it to arrive.

"I'll see you at home then." Brittany asked, for clarification; her fingers gentley playing with Santana's

"Yeah, I'll be there." Santana said softly, hearing the light chime of the elevator arriving, and the doors sliding open. Santana leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Brittany's lips; "See you later."

Before Brittany could speak, a cough was cleared loudly in front of them. Brittany looked up and met what could only be described as a more mature looking Quinn Fabray. This was obviously Frannie Fabray.

"Oh... Fran, I was just coming to give you your files." Santana said, stepping into the elevator.

"I don't appreciate personal visits at work, Santana." Frannie said, sending a pointed look at Brittany

"I was at lunch." Santana started but Frannie cut her off.

Frannie scoffed; "Lunch is not for assistants, Santana."

Santana looked at Brittany; and mouthed a quick goodbye before Frannie pressed on the second floor button.

* * *

25th April 2020

Santana leaned forward to clip her fringe back; her fingers running through her wavy hair, pushing it over her shoulder so her neck was free. Brittany let out a sigh, as she stood up from couch; she walked over to Santana.

"Are you ready?" Brittany asked

Santana nodded, turning round to press a quick kiss to Brittany's lips; "One minute... Can you check if we're ready to go?"

Brittany nodded, and walked out of the hotel room. She walked down a corridor, until she arrived at Marley's room where she and Millie were talking.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked, her knuckles pressed against the half open door

"Just nervous." Marley said softly, a small blush covering her cheeks; "Is Santana ready? Tina's waiting to walk."

"She's coming now." Brittany said, walking forward; "You look beautiful."

Marley turned to her mother before nodding; "Thanks."

Santana walked inside the hotel room, sending a small smile to Millie; before walking to Marley; she reached forward, and grabbing Marley's hand. "You look amazing, Rose."

Marley sniffled softly; "You won't be able to call me that soon."

Santana giggled; "Yeah, I can't call you Puckerman. It's just wrong."

Marley laughed

"Uh, Marl, time to go." Tina said softly, leaning over the half opened door.

Santana sent Marley a small smile; and watched her leave with her mother; before turning to Brittany. She leaned in and kissed her lips softly, Brittany sighed softly against Santana's lips.

"Thank you for today." Santana murmured, her hand finding Brittany's and giving it a light squeeze.

Brittany smiled; and leaned in and kissed her once more; "We should go."

Santana nodded and followed Brittany out of the hotel room, to continue with the wedding ceremony.

After a beautiful ceremony, the wedding reception was held at the dance hall in the same hotel. Santana was sat beside Brittany and Tina, as Marley and Jake took their first dance as a married couple.

"Remember our first dance?" Santana asked, her fingers lazily slipping between Brittany's fingers; "You couldn't keep your hands off me."

"Yeah, because you teased me before we danced." Brittany said, leaning closer to Santana and kissing her cheek affectionately; "You look as beautiful as you did then as you do today."

Santana smiled softly, pinching Brittany's cheek lightly; "Charmer."

Brittany lowered her head to Santana's; her thin lips meeting full ones in a chaste kiss. Santana pulled away shortly after; "We should dance."

Santana stood up, and offered her hand to Brittany; who warmly accepted it. They walked to the same dancing area where Marley and Jake were. Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck. Brittany placed her hands around her waist.

They danced against the soft beat playing to 'More than anyone' by Gavin Degraw. Santana let her lips press against Brittany's neck, the warmth of her skin and the scent of her filling her nostils.

"I really... I really have loved you being with you." Santana murmured, running her short nails up and down Brittany's neck, her lips pressing lightly against her warm skin.

"Me too." Brittany said, pushing Santana's hair away from her neck; "They've finished."

Santana and Brittany pulled apart to clap for the newly married couple; Brittany whispered that she needed the toilet; and excused herself. Santana resumed her seat at the table, and refilled her champagne.

Santana finished her drink, and then stood up to look for Brittany. After bypassing the bathroom; she saw blonde hair and walked towards it.

"I forgot about it. I have to tell Santana. God, she's going to hate me." Brittany said, into her phone; her fingers scratching the back of her neck nervously.

Santana stood behind the door, listening in.

"I just... Everything's been so good, and now I'm gonna ruin it all." Brittany said

Santana sucked in her lips before turning and leaving; returning to the room where the reception was being held. Santana took her seat besides Tina's who was back from dancing with Mike.

"Where did you go?" Tina asked, taking a bite of her strawberry

"Bathroom." Santana replied, picking up Brittany's half finished champagne flute; and sipping it until it was all gone.

"Do you wanna dance?" Mike offered

Santana smiled softly; "Sure."

Mike stood up; and took Santana's hand; they walked to the dance area. Mike led Santana in a slow dance, one where Santana kept her eyes on Brittany as soon as she returned. The hint of guilt shining in her eyes as she left to dance with Marley.

Santana politely kissed Mike's cheek as she thanked him for the dance. She walked off towards the bar. She ordered a double whisky, the need for a burning comfort is esstensial because she knows what's coming. What Brittany will ask of her, and she knows that she won't be able to give it to her. It wasn't anger filling Santana's veins, it was disappointment. A disappointment that Brittany was going to leave again.

"Santana, do you wanna dance?" Brittany asked, as she walked up beside her; her palm sliding over her lower back. The touch making her weak but also urge to pull away, the thought of having to give herself to Brittany in parts over another lonely tour.

"Can we talk instead?" Santana asked, making a flicker of confusion pass over her features before she nodded and walked off with her.

They walked out of the hotel, onto the porch area; Santana sighed deeply, pausing to glance over the deep green lawn.

"When do you leave?" Santana asked, her tone void of any anger; it was more sad than anything.

Brittany turned to Santana, a look of utter pity crossing her features; "In two days. I forgot... I forgot it was so soon. I was going to tell you sooner, I thought we were leaving in March."

Santana turned round to meet Brittany's gaze. She wanted to scream, to shout, to cause Brittany pain, to hurt her for choosing to go, for not telling her. But honestly, she was too tired for arguing. And Brittany had previously said going on tour again was an option.

Santana rubbed her temple, the sharp pain of a headache coming on. "You should have told me when you agreed to go."

"I wanted to. I just knew I'd lose you if I did." Brittany replied

"And the alternative is better? I can't survive another tour; I can't survive another year without you, Britt." Santana said, sadly; her eyes welling up with unwanted tears.

"Then you won't have to." Brittany said, stepping forward, and placing her hands on Santana's hips; "I won't risk losing you again. So if it becomes a choice, I pick you everytime..."

Santana nodded softly, her eyes glancing away from Brittany; and gazing out to the beautiful vibrant green grass. "I think you should go."

Brittany glanced from their hands to Santana's eyes; her thumb coming up to wipe away a stray tear. "Baby, I don't think you want me to go. You wouldn't be crying if you wanted me to."

Santana sniffed softly; shaking her head lazily; "No, I do want you to go and you want to go... So there it is. I made you give up your dreams once... and I can't... I just can't do it again."

Brittany pulled Santana against her body; kissing her forehead gently; "I love you so much; you know that right?"

Santana leaned up and kissed Brittany's lips softly. Her tongue running almost painstakingly slow, drawing out the deep kiss which was due to happen. Brittany ran her fingers over the back of Santana's lower back, only the smooth material of her dress stopping her from pure smooth caramel skin.

"I love you and that's why you have to go." Santana murmured, licking her lips as she squeezed the base of Brittany's neck; "You need this because who knows when you'll get the chance again."

Brittany nodded, cupping Santana's cheek; "I promise you, I won't risk us again. When its finished I think we should have that family we always wanted. A little Santana junior maybe."

Santana smiled softly; her lips coming up to gently peck at Brittany's now moist ones. A small laugh bubbling from her mouth; "You promise?"

"This is the last time I'll be away from you. I promise." Brittany murmured, gently stroking Santana's cheeks. Their eyes still linked in what could only be described as a silent promise being made. They pulled away when a small cough was cleared behind them.

"Sorry, its just Marley and Jake are leaving now." Tina said softly

Brittany sighed sadly, her thumb coming up to affectionately wipe across the apple of Santana's cheek, removing any hints of tears had recently fallen. "We'll come now."

Tina nodded, and turned on her heel. Santana looked from where Tina was stood to Brittany. "We should go."

"Yeah." Brittany breathed softly, following beside Santana out to the front entrance of the hotel, where all of Marley and Jake's family and friends stood waiting for their departure. Santana stood beside Tina, with Brittany taking a protective stand behind her.

And when Marley and Jake walked out, more than happy expressions lacing their faces. Santana smiled happily along with the other guests, who gingerly threw confetti at them, small sparkles of pink and white coating their hair, and clothes. Brittany leaned down and pressed a comforting kiss to Santana's cheek as Marley climbed in the vehicle, Jake waving one last time before climbing in after her.

"You okay?" Tina asked, breaking Santana out of her gaze on the retreating vehicle.

"Yeah, thanks T." Santana replied before turning to Brittany; "Do you wanna leave now?"

"Sure..." Brittany said

"I'll get our purses." Santana said, before walking back inside the hotel. Brittany sighing before turning to already meet Tina's stare on her.

"What?" Brittany asked

"Nothing. I just... I don't think I've seen either of you so happy today." Tina commented, she leaned in and squeezed Brittany's forearm gently; "It's good to see, Britt."

Brittany smiled; "Thanks..."

Santana clicked her tongue; "Ready to go?"

"Yeah..." Brittany answered, "See you Tina."

"Yeah, see you." Tina replied

Santana waved at Tina; "See you..."

Brittany took Santana's hand, and they walked off towards the cabs which were lined up for people to easily get home. Santana climbed in with Brittany and said their address.


	22. That way

_Thanks to readers, but a light warning, things are always going to get a little worse before they get better :) _

_A huge thank you to bodybroke, who is as awesome as always! _

_Enjoy :) _

* * *

6th July 2020

"Are you serious?" Santana asked in a hushed whisper, as her eyes ran around the office floor to make sure no one was listening in.

"I'm sorry." Brittany replied, her tone slightly rough with her hangover and tiredness.

"You promised, Britt." Santana stressed softly, not bothering to hide her annoyance

"I can't get out of it. I've already tried." Brittany murmured

"Between nights out drinking with your dancing buddies." Santana mocked

"I haven't been out with them since I arrived." Brittany replied

Santana sighed;"You should go to sleep. You probably need it."

"Santana, I'm sorry." Brittany muttered lightly, her fingers coming up to rub against her temple.

"Don't bother apologising. I mean, you promised me and you easily forgot about that. What are you there for? Really?" Santana asked, her anger clearly building; "You told me, it was for us. For our family... I want a child, Britt. I do, but I'd rather have you here. I'd rather our family was here than somewhere in Canada, getting drunk with practical strangers."

Santana sniffed lightly wiping away stray tears; her eyes glancing around to make sure her phone call was going undetected. "I don't even think you believe you're doing this for us anymore."

Brittany sighed; "Santana, I am. Of course, I'm doing this for us."

"Don't kid yourself. This is an ego boost for you. This whole fucking dancing thing was for you... and you tricked me again. You did this for yourself." Santana replied

"I haven't tricked you. I haven't done anything wrong." Brittany mumbled, "I'm trying to get money for us, for our chance to have a child..."

Santana ran her fingers through her hair, sighing deeply. "I think you're not ready for a child."

"Santana, are you serious, right now?! I've always wanted a child." Brittany snapped; "This is what you do. When you don't get your own way, you punish people. You make petty comments, to hurt people."

"You don't think I'm hurting? I haven't seen you since April. It's been months, Britt." Santana replied; "Months where I spend countless nights alone, crying because you're not here... Because you can't pick up the phone at a reasonable time for me.. I don't even feel married, Britt... and you want me to bring a child into this."

"What are you saying?" Brittany asked

"I'm saying that I'm not happy... and you are." Santana murmured

"I am happy, I'm happy because I'm living my dream and I'm with you. I'm happy because I'm with you." Brittany replied

"I'm just so tired, Britt. I'm so tired of wanting more than I know you can give me." Santana said, gently wiping her tears away; "I think we should have a break... A proper one. Because I can't live like this."

Brittany didn't say anything.

"What? Why are you doing this?" Brittany finally settled on saying; her tone wasn't demanding, just slightly irked.

"I'm so tired, B... I'm so tired of living like this." Santana replied sadly; "You're happy, Britt... You're so happy; and I'm not... and you're not here; and it feels like I'm losing you."

"You're not losing me. Santana, I love you. I'll do anything for you." Brittany replied softly

"I need a break... I'm sorry, Britt... but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep wanting all of you, and only getting what you want me to have." Santana said, gently wiping her eyes; not bothering to feel self-conscious from the slight stares around the office floor.

"Take all the time you need... I'm going anywhere, San..." Brittany replied

Santana sighed; "Britt..."

Brittany clicked her tongue; before barking back; "What do you want me to say, Santana? Please break my heart a little slower, so I can practically feel the knife turning in it. You want a break, again. I can't stop you."

"I just... I don't want us to do this. I just don't see a way forward for us anymore." Santana murmured

Before Brittany could answer, Fran's voice could be heard in the background asking for Santana to come to her office.

"I have to go... I'll... I'll talk to you when you're free." Santana said

"There's no point now, Santana. You're a free lady, you can do whatever you want." Brittany hissed

"Goodbye, Britt." Santana ended the phone call.

* * *

4th September 2020

Brittany quickly placed the hot mug down; her hands coming up to touch her mouth or rather her burnt tongue.

"What... What did you say?" Brittany asked, carefully trying not to knock her tongue anywhere against her mouth.

"She's been seeing someone. I don't know if its casual or not. But i think she's making a mistake." Marley said softly; her fingers coming up to brush a curl of brown hair behind her ear; "Santana doesn't want to know... She's afraid of hurting you."

Brittany had to bite the inside of her mouth at those words. The thought of Santana not wanting her to know about her was actually painful to hear.

"You shouldn't have told me then." Brittany said

Marley shook her head; and leaned forward; "She regrets how things were left."

"Things weren't left, Marley. I was told she wanted a break, not a break up!" Brittany replied

"And she's upset about that, Britt." Marley said softly

"Oh she's upset, she's fucking someone else, Marley. She's not bothered about me is she?." Brittany asked, looking at Marley's face; "Who is it? Is it Fran?"

Marley nodded softly; "Yeah, apparently Quinn set them up as a surprise date."

Brittany bit the inside of her cheek hard; she knew Quinn was more Santana's friend but she would willing help her move on; even when they were only separated. Her forefinger circled the rim of the mug, as her thoughts ran wild with questions. How long had this been going? Did Santana like her? Had they had sex? The thought of having sex with anyone but Santana, made Brittany feel sick. She didn't want to think about Santana being with someone else.

"I don't think it's serious yet, if you're thinking that." Marley said scratching her neck nervously; it was obvious she didn't want to be in the middle anymore.

"She's still my wife, Marley. Even with this ridiculous break." Brittany said softly, glancing up at light brown eyes; "She still loves me. And that's all that matters."

Marley nodded rather unconvincingly; "I guess so, Britt. I just didn't want you to find out from someone else and be unprepared."

"It would have been better coming from my wife... But thank you, I guess." Brittany replied, lifting her mug to her lips; the warmth of the sweet hot chocolate easily coating her taste buds.

"Have you met Fran?" Marley asked, picking at the table-cloth

"Once. It was only in passing." Brittany said

Marley nodded; "So how is the tour going?"

"Good. I love it. I actually have a sort of announcement; I've been offered a choreography job in New York, after the tour's finished." Brittany said, letting a proud smile grace her mouth.

"Really? Britt, wow... That's awesome." Marley said, with a happy expression on her face; "You deserve it so bad. You've been killing it on the tour. Have you told Santana?"

Brittany shrugged her shoulders; "I wanted to. But if she can't tell me that she's gonna see other people. What's the point? I don't want a wife who only wants me when I'm in the same city as her. She didn't even give us a chance. She told me to go on tour again, and then punishes me for doing it."

"She just had enough, Britt. She couldn't deal with you not being there." Marley replied, with a soft voice; "I know you wanted it to work... but maybe it just wasn't the right time right now."

Brittany ran her fingers through her hair, sighing deeply; "Maybe you're right."

Marley squeezed Brittany's hand; "Just give her some time. She'll come back to you."

Brittany nodded without feeling any conviction that Santana would come back to her.

* * *

26th November 2020

Santana rubbed her hands together as the bitter November chill was taking New York by storm practically. Her eyes softening when they landed on bright blue eyes.

"Thanks for meeting me." Santana said softly

"I didn't have a choice, did I?" Brittany replied harshly, knowing what this meeting was about, the way Santana had asked to meet, the way she could barely look at her. Signs of clear guilt.

"Actually you did." Santana mumbled, slipping her hands into her pockets; "I wanted to tell you in person that I'm... I've been seeing someone. I am seeing someone."

Brittany looked away but stayed standing; her hands slipping into her own coat pocket just for something to distract her from focusing on Santana's words.

"I thought you would want to know..." Santana murmured, "I know you said you'd give me time to sort myself out... but I can't be with you when you wanna do this. I wanna be in New York, I wanna come home to my wife... and I can't do that with you."

"I get it, Santana." Brittany snapped, cutting Santana off; "You have someone else, I get it. What do you want me to say?"

Santana shook her head, looking away from Brittany; "I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to know that you don't have to wait for me to be okay with you being away. You can find someone you can accept that, someone who can accept you."

"You must be clueless, Santana. I said I'd wait for you, because it's you, San. You're the only person I've ever loved. I love you so much. And I can't just move on that easily." Brittany replied, looking away, her gloved hand coming up to wipe her tears away; "I don't even know how you can."

Brittany watched as Santana sucked in an intake of breath, fixing her impassable mask like Brittany's words hadn't effected her.

"I'd rather be miserable with someone else, than alone." Santana murmured lightly; "You paint me as such a bad guy, Britt. You have no idea how it feels... because you're there, having fun, doing your dream."

Brittany glanced back at Santana who was biting nervously at her bottom lip, the indents of her front teeth imprinted lightly on her full lip. Brittany turned away, choosing to watch the autumn leaves bristle along the ground.

"Clearly this was a mistake. But I wanted you to know because I'm bringing her to Marley and Jake's christmas party." Santana said

"Are you serious?" Brittany asked, twisting her body quickly to meet Santana's eyes

"Yeah, is that a problem for you?" Santana asked

Brittany shook her head; "No. You can bring whoever you want."

Santana nodded, "So can you? You're free to bring someone as a friend or date. Whatever you want."

Brittany ran her fingers through her hair; "I have a flight tomorrow morning, so I'll see you at the party then."

"Yeah, I guess so." Santana said

Brittany sent her a small smile; before slipping her hands into her coat, and walking away. Her body instinctively knowing Santana was watching her until the moment she left her sight.

* * *

19th December 2020

Brittany tugged on a plain purple cardigan over her little black dress which came to her middle thigh length. Brittany walked out of her hotel bedroom, and into the living room where Kitty was fixing her heels on.

"Nearly ready?" Brittany asked

"Yeah... Is the cab here?" Kitty asked, standing up to smooth her dress down

"Yeah, its outside. Can we go now? We're already late." Brittany replied, in an almost whining tone

Kitty looked up and saw the slight nerves on Brittany's face; "You look beautiful, Britt. Her loss, right?"

Brittany smiled softly, but it didn't reach her eyes. Kitty then pointed to the door, and both exited the hotel.

The taxi ride was relatively short for the journey which surprised Brittany; who was growing more anxious to see Santana; and her girlfriend. Well, not her girlfriend.

As they climbed out, and walked to the front door, Kitty rang the door bell. After a few seconds, Jake opened it with a wide smile and instantly let them both in.

"Party's happening outside, mostly." Jake said, as he passed them both a glass of champagne. They followed after him, Brittany almost stopped walking when she saw Santana. She was wearing a white dress which came dangerously close to upper thigh. Her tan legs proudly on display in white heels.

"The missus is looking' fine." Kitty commented as she quickly took a sip of her champagne; "Is that the bitch we hate?"

Brittany followed Kitty's eyes and found Fran's hand on Santana's lower back. She looked away, sipping most of her drink in order to focus on the way her stomach turned at the large amount of alcohol in a short time than on someone touching her wife in the way she wanted to.

"That's her." Brittany replied

Kitty sucked in a sharp intake of breath, before glaring at Fran; "You're so much better than her, Britt. She's not even in the same league as you."

Brittany nodded but didn't add anything; "I'm gonna get another drink, do you want one?"

"Um, sure...-" Kitty started before finding Brittany already walking away.

Santana excused herself before walking towards Kitty. "Hey, Kitty."

"Oh, hey... Santana." Kitty replied

Santana smiled softly; "How's the tour?"

"Good, we start again in January." Kitty said

"Cool." Santana mumbled, looking from side to side

Kitty sighed; "Britt's in the kitchen."

"I don't think she wants to talk to me..." Santana replied, brushing her hair behind her shoulder; "It was nice to see you again though."

"Yeah, you too." Kitty said, with a small smile

Santana smiled once more before turning back and walking back towards Quinn and Fran. Kitty sipped the rest of her drink before deciding to find Brittany.

"B, you okay?" Kitty asked walking into the kitchen and finding Brittany leaning against the counters sipping on a beer.

"She looks so beautiful." Brittany said softly

"Oh, B!" Kitty sighed, leaning back beside her; she nudged Brittany with her shoulder.

"I miss her, Kit. I miss her so much." Brittany mumbled, as she was immediately pulled into a tight hug. Kitty's hands rubbing along her back comfortingly.

"It'll be okay, B." Kitty said softly

Brittany sighed deeply, pulling her head away, she wiped her eyes; "I don't see how it will be. I need her, Kit. I never wanted to lose her."

"I know." Kitty replied

Brittany sighed, gently pulling the label off her beer bottle. "I just... I thought we'd wait for each other."

Kitty nodded; "Maybe it's just timing. You wanna tour, and she needs you here. Maybe when you're finished touring, it'll be right for both of you."

Brittany rubbed her temple gently; trying to ease the tension which was building up there. A small knock caused Kitty and Brittany to look to the kitchen walk way where Santana was standing.

"Can we talk?" Santana asked, her eyes fixed on Brittany

"Um... I don't think that's..." Brittany started before shaking her head, and going to walk out of the kitchen. Santana grabbed Brittany's forearm lightly, making Brittany look at her.

"Please, Britt." Santana replied

"No. I can't... I can't even look at you, right now, Santana." Brittany gritted out, her eyes blinking away a new wave of tears.

"Oh..." Santana muttered, letting go of Brittany's arm; "That's fine... I mean, I should let you be."

Santana smiled softly at Brittany and Kitty before turning round and leaving back out to the garden. Brittany turned to Kitty, who was biting her bottom lip.

"That went well?" Brittany asked

"Well, it couldn't have gone any worse..." Kitty said, before sucking in a short intake of breath; "Oh, maybe it can."

Brittany turned round and found Fran walking towards her.

"Brittany, can we talk?" Fran asked

Brittany couldn't hold in the scoff which was already threatening to burst; "Are you kidding me?"

"I just wanna talk." Fran said, softer

"Fine. Talk." Brittany snapped

"Look, I get it. Your wife has moved on... and you haven't. It's hard, and I get that. So I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be this awkward." Fran said; "We can get along... I mean, forgetting how you tried to steal my sister's now ex-husband, and I'm dating your separated wife."

Kitty gasped in shock that Fran was that blunt; "Seriously?!"

Brittany didn't recognise her hand until her palm smacked hard against Fran's cheek. "You know nothing about me... You're such a... Forget this."

Kitty tapped Brittany's arm; and they moved to storm out; Brittany stopped to glance at Santana who was looking along with everyone in surprise.

"I can't believe you, Santana..." Brittany hissed sadly; as she closed the front door behind her.

Santana followed after her; "You think hitting her, will make me take you back? This is just another reason why we're clearly not right for each other... It makes me wonder if we ever were."

Brittany whipped round to face Santana; "You bring the person who you've been fucking to our friend's christmas party. We're not even separated yet... You lack class, Santana. You couldn't forgive me one mistake. One mistake that you know killed me inside to do to you... God, what's the point, Santana? I can't keep pouring my heart out to you, only to have nothing in return."

Santana sighed softly, "Don't you have a flight to get to, Brittany? A new city to travel to? A wife to ignore until it suits you?"

"What wife, Santana? The one who chose to fuck other people without telling me that wife? Or the one who doesn't understand that I was in your position for five years, Santana... I was lonely, I didn't have my dreams... But I lived with that for you." Brittany snapped back, before slamming the cab door behind her.


	23. Don't let me down

_Thanks to everyone who is still reading this :) A little worse was probably an understatement. And hopefully, Santana can redeem herself! A big thank you to bodybroke. _

_Enjoy :)_

* * *

12th January 2021

Fran climbed out of a cab, and up to the front door; she rang the bell relatively quickly. She smiled as Santana opened the door.

"Fran... what are you doing here?" Santana asked

"I'm taking you on a date. Go get ready..." Fran said, leaning in and pecking Santana's lips; obviously not recognizing the surprise written across her face; "Dress warm, okay?"

"Fran, I don't really wanna go out tonight." Santana said

Fran sighed, taking Santana's hand and squeezing it softly; "Please... Come on, it'll be a few hours."

Santana sighed; "Okay... I'll go get ready."

"Hurry." Fran called after her; as Santana made her way to her bedroom to get ready.

Santana hated spontaneous dates. She couldn't see the point in them. She had to be rushed into changing because whatever she was wearing wasn't right for the occasion. It just seemed like a waste of time.

It must have been a month into dating, when Brittany asked if she actually liked being surprised with dates. Santana wasn't that surprised when she asked, Brittany had always been the one to understand her better than anyone else.

Finishing tugging a matching scarf around her neck, she arrived outside; and met Fran talking to the cab driver. Talking would be an understatement. Santana had learned through casually seeing Fran that the woman was an ultimate flirt. She would flirt with everyone and anyone. Busboys, shop assistants, cab drivers.

It was times like this that she couldn't see what she even found attractive in Fran. Yes, she was aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Medium length blonde hair, slender figure, hazel eyes; but Santana found herself missing bright blue eyes.

Pushing away thoughts of that particular blonde, Santana cleared her throat as she walked up. Fran turned around and smiled brightly.

"You're ready..." Fran commented as she climbed inside the cab, Santana sighed and climbed in beside her.

Fran told the cab driver to go, before turning to Santana. She leaned in and rubbed her thumb against her cheek; "You must have rushed your make up."

Fran smiled her almost patronizing smile as she turned to her window to watch the scenery go by. Santana almost wanted to snap back some witty remark, about how she had rushed because Fran had forced her to. That this stupid date was already worsening her bad temper.

The cab stopped between 48th and 51st streets, Santana took in the Rockefeller Center, and internally smacked herself in the face for not repeatedly telling Fran just how much she hated ice skating.

"I thought since it's winter... Ice skating would be fun." Fran said, stepping out of the vehicle, holding her hand out for Santana to take.

"Fran, I've told you about ice skating." Santana said

"I know but you've never been ice skating with me before." Fran replied as she turned and walked off to collect ice skates for the pair of them.

"It's not even about who took me." Santana grumbled to herself before following after Fran.

After a lengthy period of around about 15 minutes to lace up their skates, Fran was more than enthusiastic to be on the ice. Santana on the other hand was dreading it.

Fran stepped onto the ice, and took off. Santana held onto the rail surrounding the ice rink, her eyes widening in disbelief as she saw Fran taking off without her.

"Come on slow poke." Fran teased as she skated up beside her; "Still holding onto the rail? Come on, Santana."

"I don't like skating, Fran. I hate it." Santana gritted out, trying not to get to angry

Fran leaned over and took Santana's hand; "Give me the other one... I won't let you fall."

"No, Fran. I don't wanna skate." Santana mumbled, tightening her hold on the rail

"Come on, Santana... For a few minutes." Fran said, letting her glove covered hand quickly tug Santana's hand off the rail.

"Fran!" Santana snapped as she was tugged forward by Fran

"It's fine... You're fine." Fran replied, as she skated backwards, tugging Santana forward.

Santana's legs unable to skate even with Fran pulling her to; ultimately gave way when Fran decided that Santana was doing great, and let go of her

With a pained cry, Santana slammed down against the harsh ice; her gloved covered hand took all of Santana's weight as she fell on it.

Fran let out a surprised gasp before kneeling beside her; "Are you okay? You must have slipped."

"Yeah... because you fucking let go of me." Santana snapped, as she struggling to get up, strained whimpers emitting from her mouth as she had to press her weight onto her injured hand; Fran offered to help but Santana simply glared at her.

"Santana, your hand's probably bruised. Let's take you to the hospital." Fran said, as she grabbed Santana around the waist, and tugged her to her rather shaky feet. As they reached the benches surrounding the place where Santana had lent the skates. Santana slammed herself onto a bench, her free uninjured hand making quick work of the tangled laces.

"This is all your fault." Santana hissed as she threw the first skate on the ground below; before moving on to the next; "Couldn't have listened when I said I didn't want to go out... Or when I told you I hate skating... No, because you wouldn't have all this attention."

"Stop being so melodramatic. It's a bruised hand... Pardon the pun, but put some ice on it, and it'll be fine." Fran replied, picking up the skates and walking to collect their shoes back.

Santana tugged her glove down and saw that her wrist and hand had bruised badly. Santana held back the painful whimpers which were threatening to be released as Fran arrived back with their shoes.

"Here you go." Fran said, passing Santana, her white converse; "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Fran, I'm gonna go to the hospital. Tonight proved a lot of things..." Santana said; as she slipped her feet into the white pumps; "And it's that we're not right for each other... You don't listen to me at all, and the fact that I would have only had to tell Brittany once that I hate skating... and she'd never bring me here."

Fran rolled her eyes; "You're breaking up with me over skating? Do you realize how pathetic you sound?"

"We're not even dating, Fran. I'd hardly call us dating..." Santana said

Fran sighed; "Whatever... You were damaged goods, anyway... and comparing me to your ex-wife, wow! Good luck!"

"She's not my ex-wife!" Santana snapped to Fran's retreating figure

"See you at work." Fran replied

Santana stood up and walked the opposite way, signaling a cab, she directed him to take her to the nearest hospital.

After a two hour wait, Santana was given an x-ray which confirmed that she had thankfully only bruised her hand. She was given some painkillers, and advised not to go ice skating until her hand healed.

* * *

13th February 2021

"I'll call you when I've landed." Brittany said, tugging her bag strap over her shoulder

"I can't believe you're leaving." Kitty said

Brittany laughed; "I know... but I'm excited for this, Kit."

"Are you sure part of your excitement isn't to do with the fact Santana and her new lady love have broken up?" Kitty asked

"I am happy she's not seeing anyone, yes... but she still wants to, Kit." Brittany replied, with a sad expression; "I can't be with someone who wants other people when things get tough."

"Well, just be careful. I will come to New York to smack a bitch up." Kitty said

Brittany giggled, "Thanks, Kit. I should go, but thank you for everything."

Kitty rolled her eyes before tugging Brittany into a hug; "You're welcome, bestie."

Brittany pulled away, lifting her strap to her shoulder; before gently walking away. Pausing at the gates only to share another sad smile goodbye with Kitty.

* * *

24th March 2021

Santana wiped a towel over her face, removing the fresh beads of sweat; she placed it beside her before warmly accepting the cold bottle of water from Quinn.

"Thanks." Santana mumbled, quickly taking a long sip

"So... Are we gonna talk?" Quinn asked

"About what?" Santana replied, quirking her eyebrow up

"Brittany's return." Quinn said softly

Santana placed the bottle down, "Brittany's back?"

"You didn't know?" Quinn asked

"Does it look like I did?" Santana snapped

"Easy... I bumped into her last week. I thought you knew." Quinn said

Santana threw her table beside her; "I can't believe she wouldn't tell me."

"Can you blame her?" Quinn asked

Santana turned to look at Quinn

"You haven't told her about you ending whatever you had with my sister." Quinn said

"That's different." Santana mumbled

"Well, maybe she thinks you don't care... I mean you're seeing other people, you didn't even tell her. Why should she tell you she's back?" Quinn asked

"I didn't tell her, because she wouldn't agree to it. Do you know how badly I wanted Brittany... Fran... The thing with Fran was stupid, I know that... but I realized a lot, Q. I know Brittany's the one for me. I've stopped seeing other people. Fran was the only one anyway. I know Brittany's the one for me." Santana said, scratching the back of her neck

"But you kept Fran from her, you didn't even tell her, San." Quinn pointed out

"I did that for her. If I told her as soon as it happened, Brittany would have been more than angry." Santana said

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe that's why Brittany didn't tell you about going on the tour right away? Has none of this really not given you a better understanding of why Brittany did everything she did? Yes, she made mistakes, but after being in her position a bit, can't you at least understand her motives a bit better?" Quinn asked

Santana sighed deeply, she repeated Quinn's words in her head, she could understand where Quinn was coming from in regards from Brittany not telling her about the second tour. Honestly she could understand it, Brittany wasn't a bad person, she knew this much. But Santana's worry was that if they managed to agree to be together again, that it would be rushed, and fumbled together, and no time would be spent in working out their problems. Santana was worried that they would just jump back into everything, without solving anything. She wanted to make sure she forgave Brittany, and Brittany had forgiven her before they moved on together.

"Besides, Fran was never the issue with us. The issue with Brittany is that I wanted to see other people." Santana said, trying to clear her mind from Quinn's words

Quinn released a deep breath; "Why did you start something with Fran? Why did you want to see anyone?"

Santana turned to Quinn; who looked serious.

"Honestly?" Santana asked

"Yeah..." Quinn replied

"Honestly, I felt lonely... it was a stupid mistake, which I totally regret... but I just missed having someone there... I guess I thought that I could replace the void which was left... But I couldn't... because I can't replace Brittany with someone else... And I learnt the hard way." Santana replied; "I'm in love with Brittany, and I can't choose to be with others because it's not working with her."

Santana looked from Quinn to the floor; letting her pump covered foot scratch across the ground; "Britt, she knows everything about me. How I like my meat, how I like my baths run... She knows it... But I don't know her anymore. And that's the problem..."

Quinn sighed; "She's the same person, San. Have you thought maybe the reason you don't really know her is because recently, she'd been unhappy with her life in general. I mean... You didn't notice how unfulfilled she was."

"I know, maybe it's my fault... I know, I've been more than harsh for refusing to forgive her over lying... But it's always there, Q. I've probably done worse... And I know she won't forgive me easily for Fran... but the truth is I'm hurt by her." Santana replied; "I'm hurt because we feel like it's coming to an end. Lying is one thing but she's doing it all the time."

Quinn sighed but didn't answer.

"Sam, going back on tour... coming back from tour... When she keeps something from me, she's lying to me." Santana said

.Quinn sighed; "Do you want her back?"

Santana shrugged; "I want Brittany back but I want us both to know that this time its it... I'm not gonna keep the past with us, it's gone, it's done... but I can't handle anything else."

Santana laced her fingers together

"Honestly, I think we need space right now... to work things out. I need to get it through my stupid brain that Brittany wants me and only me... and she needs to know that I am in this relationship for us." Santana said; "Right now... I've probably fucked things up, with Fran... but we have a lot of history, and we can't forget that we loved each other once... and I still love her. It's hard not to love her..."

"San, you know this isn't over right? You and Britt aren't over, you never will be." Quinn said, pausing to look at Santana; "Do you know how stupid you've been? Brittany's your soul mate, San... She's yours; and you're hers... I don't think I've ever seen people so in love and yet, practically doing everything in order not to be together."

"You don't get it... No one gets it. I love Britt, she's Britt. It's impossible to not love her." Santana replied, rubbing her temple; "I don't want a part time wife... She's chosen dance, and then lied to me about everything."

"You don't think Brittany not choosing dance after college was a clear sign? She chose you then, Santana. She chose you every time Santana. I think you're punishing her because you're job isn't what you want, but Brittany's been in your position." Quinn said running her fingers through her hair; "Santana, you shouldn't have to do this... The idea of a marriage, a partnership is to help each other achieve their dreams, not hold it against them when they finally gain it."

Santana sighed, not agreeing or disagreeing; "I just think we're two different people, right now... I'm still upset about everything."

Quinn clicked her tongue against her teeth; "San, I think you're punishing her because she's living her dream at the level she's happy with; and you haven't. You wrote once for a newspaper before being fired."

"I worked for 6 years for a chance to shine; she looked for a few months, and found her dream. How is that fair, she nearly cheated... She lied so many times and she gets a reward..." Santana replied; "I'm angry because she's... I'm angry and that's why I asked for a break... because I can't risk being with her and purposefully hurting her."

Quinn shook her head; "Santana, you can't try to hurt her; or punish her for something you know she's sorry for her. Yeah, she lied about something... but that's all. You need to think whether you really wanna risk losing Britt over a silly stupid mistake."

Santana nodded; "I get that. I do... I'm gonna fix things, I just... I don't just wanna rush into things for them to fall apart afterwards. I did that last time, I forced myself to forgive her and forget... I want to be sure that it's completely forgiven."

"I get it... Just don't let it be too long." Quinn said, as she squeezed Santana's shoulder before walking out of the gym room.

* * *

19th April 2021

Santana switched on her phone as she walked around her bedroom, getting ready. Brittany had agreed last night to meet up and talk about them. So Santana was getting ready to meet Brittany at her dance studio. She had agreed with Quinn, and had a long think about what she wanted. And whichever way she looked, Brittany was always what she wanted. So they had both agreed that the slow and steady pace is what they needed, in order for their marriage to be better.

Santana grabbed her phone and jacket, before walking out of the house towards her car. Santana drove at a steady pace to Brittany's dance studio; parking at the first available parking space.

Santana walked towards the entrance, pushing the door open; she stepped inside; and saw Brittany locked in an intimate embrace with tall guy. She softly pulled her hands from around his neck, as she freed herself from the hug.

"You're early..." Brittany commented, looking from Santana

"Yeah... You're busy. I'll come round another time." Santana quickly replied; stepping backwards, and smacking her hand harshly against the closed door. Santana fumbled until she finally left the building, making a short walk towards her car.

She flinched when she felt a hand grip her injured wrist. The sensitive flesh burnt from the rough grasp. Santana noted it was Brittany's. "Get off me."

"Not until you calm down." Brittany replied, tugging on Santana until she turned round; "I'm not sleeping with him. He's a friend from tour... He was happy to see I was in New York."

"Whatever... You can sleep with whoever you want... It's not my problem." Santana mumbled, ever so gently trying to slip out of Brittany's hold

"God, why do you do that? You do care if I sleep with someone else, so why act like you don't?" Brittany snapped

"I don't care... We're not together, are we?" Santana replied

"And whose decision was that, Santana? Yours, again..." Brittany hissed; "You didn't care what I wanted. As long as you're happy..."

"You think I'm happy without you? I could never be." Santana replied

"Then stop pushing me away, you're the only one I've ever wanted..." Brittany murmured softly; "You know this... We're together, even when we're not, we are. I want you back, Santana. Would you take me back? I'm not leaving for tour, I'm not choosing anyone else over you. I just want you."

Santana remained silent, the unease was building up inside her

"Britt, you're... I still think a break is needed for us, we can barely talk without an argument happening. It's pathetic how we can't get on right now." Santana said softly

Brittany scoffed lightly; "You know what's pathetic? Wanting someone who is using every excuse not to be with you. I'm pathetic, because you've treated this marriage like it was nothing... because you didn't have the decency to even tell me you were going to see other people. Isn't that pathetic? You chose to fuck other people without telling me, Santana. You asked for a break, I thought it was like last time... I thought you just needed time to sort your head out, not someone to fill my spot in your bed."

Santana sighed; "Would you have listened if I told you? No, Britt. You would have tried to guilt me into feeling sorry for you. And I would have listened... So I didn't bother talking to you about it... I mean what's the point anyway? Our marriage was in trouble long before Fran came into the situation."

"Now you know why I didn't tell you about the tour, because you would have tried to guilt me into not going." Brittany replied, "Santana, we belong together... You know I want you."

"Brittany..." Santana started, stepping back

Brittany stepped closer, gently letting her fingers touch Santana's face. "Santana, please... baby."

Santana tried to tug her wrist free; "Britt, we need this space right now."

"This isn't right. We need to work at us... We can't just leave it to chance." Brittany's hand gripped tighter against her wrist; and she now realize what Quinn was trying to tell her. That it was never over. It never would be.

"Brittany, stop." Santana said

Brittany looked up and met Santana's soft brown eyes; she quickly let go of Santana's wrist as if touching her burnt her.

"Sorry... You're... I'm sorry." Brittany mumbled, looking embarrassed; "You're right... This is... Space. We need space."

Santana shook her head; "Britt, you don't have to be sorry. You're right... I do wanna work on us. I just... I can't just jump into being with you."

"Yeah, I know... I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have to beg you to want me. You should just want me..." Brittany said, as she ran her fingers through her locks; "But you don't... And that's fine. I need space..."

Santana watched as Brittany fumbled as she stumbled backwards

"I have to go... I have class..." Brittany said

Santana sighed but nodded slowly; "Britt, you know I love you... I love you so much... but I don't want to be with you right now. I need some space, and I think you do too. We need space to work on us."

Brittany laughed hollowly; "I need space... You're right, Santana. Thank you for making me realize this."

"Don't be patronizing, Brittany." Santana quipped

Brittany scoffed; "Patronizing is telling me I need space... I need space because you don't want me anywhere near you."

"I do... I've never said that. I do want you, Britt, of course I do. I want to be with you again, but just not right now, not when we're just gonna jump back into everything, without solving anything." Santana replied

"You fucked someone else, Santana... Do you think I want to think about that? Being near you is a constant reminder that you treated me and our marriage as nothing." Brittany snapped; "And the worst part is... I'd take you back in a heartbeat because I know that I'd spend every day of my life with you, and I'd be happy."

Brittany smiled sadly; running her fingers back, to scrap any lingering hairs away from her eyes.

"I'm sorry... I was wrong for not talking about seeing other people..." Santana said; "But you know I want to work on us now. I've stop seeing anyone... You know this."

Brittany waved her hand, brushing off Santana's words; "I have to go."

Santana nodded; and turned to open her car door.

"Was she even worth it?" Brittany asked, making Santana turn round to meet her expression, it pained her to see Brittany's normal blue eyes filled with a hint of sadness.

"No one is worth you, Britt." Santana replied

Brittany nodded, but chose not to reply; as she turned round to walk back to the studio. Santana climbed into her driving seat, and slammed the door with a grunt of frustration.

* * *

1st June 2021

"Mom, I've told you multiple times, we're not breaking up." Brittany repeated once again to the phone; it had been a few months since she had decided to reconnect with her parents. They hadn't fallen out, but simply lost touch. Her parents had taken their empty nest as an opportunity to fulfill their dream of visiting different areas of Europe.

Brittany was more than glad to have her mother back in her life; as of recently, she felt differently towards Marley and Tina; they had always been her and Santana's friends; and she knew they would never be impartial; and there was always the threat that anything she said would eventually arrive back to Santana. And since there was not really a Santana and Brittany anyway, it was hard to talk to them with the awkward acknowledgment of her nearly failed marriage. Kitty had been her godsend. She had been more than comforting over the phone, and when they had met up occasionally, but Brittany had felt bad for using up most of their time by discussing her and Santana.

But her mother, Brittany knew her mother would understand about her and Santana; and that she wouldn't be judging. Except the fact, her mother talked often like a parrot.

"We're taking some space." Brittany said, as she switched her phone to the other ear; as she resumed slicing up the carrots; "I mean... We talk more often... Often than before."

"Honey, you know what happens when you take a separation. It's only gonna end in divorce." Anna replied

"God, mom. Way to comfort me!" Brittany grumbled

"It's a fact, Brittany. Santana's a good woman, she loves you... I don't see why you can't work this out." Anna said

"It's not even about that, mom. The fact is Santana doesn't want to work this out right now." Brittany said

"Brittany, marriage is hard... You can't just give up." Anna replied; "If I gave up as easily as you two did... You wouldn't have been born, Brittany."

"Mom, I know marriage is hard... I haven't given up. I want Santana back. I do... but if Santana needs some space... Then I'm gonna give it her." Brittany said

"It's your choice, kiddo." Anna replied softly

Brittany hummed in response, because how was she suppose to respond, it wasn't her choice anymore. It was Santana; "I should go... I need to finish cooking. I'll call you next week."

"Sure, kid... Don't be a stranger." Anna murmured

"Love you." Brittany said

"You too." Anna replied

Brittany clicked her phone off; throwing it beside her on the kitchen counter. Sighing deeply at her mother's words of warning about leaving her marriage in the state it was in now. Brittany wholeheartedly agreed with her mother; but it wasn't her decision anymore about how this would end up, it was up to Santana.


	24. A little love

_So sorry its been so long... Ermm, I think its two chapters left... _

_A huge thank you to bodybroke for being amazing..._

_Enjoy this chapter :) P.s Miley fucking cyrus at the VMA's... Gurl, pleeease._

* * *

22th September 2021

Santana stared at the plane tickets resting on the table in front of her. This was her opportunity to sort herself out, to sort her heart out, well more so her mind.

Her heart was safe, she knew that Brittany was the one for her. It wasn't even a matter of thinking of Brittany. It was a matter of sorting herself out. Her mind was filled with stupid fantasy words.

If only life was as simple as 'If you're a bird, I'm a bird'. Santana knew Brittany was a bird, and she knew this made her a bird. Santana couldn't hide the fact she loved Brittany, that she was in love with Brittany.

But the guilt was still there. Like a constant itch, she couldn't reach to scratch. The constant memories of her stupid decisions causing her to singlehandedly ruin her marriage. Her stupid insecurity about her not being enough for Brittany, her inability to forgive and forget, her liaison with Fran which only hampered any hope for a smooth reunion with Brittany. It all came back to Santana.

Santana couldn't try to have an excuse to not succumb to Brittany's pleads for them to be together. For Santana, the idea of Brittany pleading for them to be together wasn't even thinkable. She had paid for her mistake, if anything, it should be her begging for Brittany's forgiveness.

Letting her fingers skim over the edges of the plane tickets, she released a deep sigh. A heavy sigh, burdened with the thoughts of hurting Brittany by asking for more time.

When Quinn suggested she come along with the trip, she almost cried. The thought of leaving Brittany was almost painful, even though things between the pair weren't good. The hope of reuniting was so close, they both could almost taste it. Santana leaned forward, running her fingers through her unruly black hair; sucking in a sharp intake.

Her and Brittany weren't ready to be together right now. Santana knew that this was best for her and Brittany. She needed to sort her mind out, forgive herself and try to work on getting Brittany to forgive her.

"Britt, it's me..." Santana said, as she heard the familiar click of Brittany answering the phone.

"Oh... Hey, San." Brittany replied

Santana sighed softly; "Britt, is there any chance we can meet up? We need to talk… I need..."

"I'm actually busy working in a few minutes. If it's important, just say it..." Brittany replied

"I'm going away for a few weeks with Quinn." Santana said

"Are you serious?" Brittany asked

"Britt, I need this... I know you can't... I know it sounds stupid... but I need this." Santana said softly, "I need the time... I need this."

"Wow..." Brittany mumbled

"Britt, this isn't about us. I know we love each other... But the timing isn't for us right now. I'm stupid for wanting more time but... I'm just not ready, Britt." Santana replied; "I love you... You know this, Britt. I've never stopped loving you... But this is about me... I have to sort myself out."

Brittany sighed deeply; "What about us, Santana? I love you... You don't need to change..."

"It's not... I love you, but there's gonna be a time when we're both gonna click... That moment when both of us know this is it. We're just gonna wake up one day and know that 'I want all of you, forever, you and me everyday.'" Santana said

Brittany sighed sadly; "I want you now, Santana. I want us forever now."

Santana licked her lips; "Britt, I've already messed us up once. I don't wanna miss my second chance by rushing in too soon, holding things back, regretting how badly I treated you."

"Santana, you'll never miss your second chance. It's called tomorrow... You should do what's right for you... I'll love you whatever... Just know that I'll always be waiting, Santana. I love you, and that will never change. Time will never change that." Brittany said softly; "Will you let me know that you're okay?"

"I'm not gonna lose you, Britt. I will never lose you." Santana replied softly

"I love you." Brittany murmured

"I love you, too." Santana murmured in response, her fingers coming up to wipe her cheeks; "I have to go... I'll call you before we leave."

"Okay... Have fun." Brittany replied

Santana smiled softly; "Okay, talk soon."

"Wait, San..." Brittany said; "You… You're in this with me, for good right?"

"Yeah, Britt... We're forever." Santana replied

"Please don't... I never want a break from you... I don't want... I don't want you to see other people." Brittany said softly

Santana redrew a shaky breath, "Baby... Britt, I'm not gonna... I won't do that, Britt."

"I... Thank you." Brittany replied; "I should go... I'm needed... Please call me before you go."

"I will, Britt." Santana said

"Good... I have to go..." Brittany said

Santana nodded, "Yeah... Go ahead, B."

"Yeah... I love you." Brittany replied

"I love you, too." Santana murmured

With a soft click, Brittany hung up the phone. Santana sighed deeply, placing the phone down.

* * *

5th October 2021

"So you guys talked?" Quinn asked, folding her gossip magazine as she turned to look at Santana

"Yeah... A little bit." Santana revealed softly; "You know when you just wake up one day, look around your life, and realize your life is nothing like you want it to be."

Quinn nodded; and Santana shifted in her seat.

"I woke up, Quinn. Alone in bed... and I looked for Britt... Call it whatever you want... but I felt so... lonely. I just wanted Brittany. I wouldn't call it a moment of revelation... But it felt like it. I've been so wrong, Q. So wrong."

"What?" Quinn asked

"I haven't exactly been acting in the right mind set for a while..." Santana said, with an embarrassed smile; "I've been in the wrong, Quinn... Since the very start, Brittany knew she made a mistake, and she was sorry... and I used it against her. I hate myself for what I've done."

"San..." Quinn started

"No, Quinn... I've been so fucking stupid. God, it's pathetic, considering how badly I've acted over what? Brittany wants me, she's always wanted me... I hated her, Q. Not literally... but when she finally got the chance to dance... I hated it." Santana said, with a deep sigh; "I know how badly she needed that, how badly she deserved it... I know this now... but it doesn't excuse how I acted, Q. What I said, she didn't deserve that."

Quinn sighed deeply, tugging a strand of loose hair behind her ear; "Look, I get how you feel."

"No, you really don't, Quinn. I've been single-handedly ruining my marriage, on the inane belief that I was in the right." Santana replied, slapping her palms against her thighs causing a sharp slap to emit in the almost silent plane ride; "I was never right, Q... I have been... It's been three years, Quinn. Since everything, and I've been such a fool."

"I get it, San... You wanna... You hate how you treated her, and you think you're a bad person..." Quinn said; "You know, and I know, that Brittany would take you back tomorrow, no questions asked. She'd forgive everything, San. You know this."

"Don't you see how that makes this worse?" Santana asked, turning to glance out of the window, before sighing softly; "I get that Britt loves me, and I understand she'll forgive me easily but it makes it ten times worse... Knowing that I've been so angry, how hurtful I was to her... That she'll forgive me so easily, when I couldn't..."

Quinn nodded softly; "Maybe this trip was a good idea for you. To forgive yourself, before getting back with Brittany... Don't wait too long, though. Britt has been waiting three years."

"We married for forever, Q. Time apart hasn't changed that. Regardless of my own actions, Brittany's my wife, and I would never change that. To give the last three years some credit, this has tested us, and I know that no one compares to Brittany." Santana said

Quinn nodded; "As long as you know what you're doing... I just don't want you to lose Brittany, or waste too much time without her."

Santana nodded, with a small smile; "I know... I won't risk anything, Q. I just need to figure my own head out."

Quinn let her eyes rake over Santana's face before nodding and turning to reread her magazine. "Just be careful, San."

Santana nodded lightly before letting her head rest against the window.

* * *

16th December 2021

Brittany wiped her snow covered hands together, trying to warm them up. She was currently in Vancouver. Since her parents were visiting Europe for the holidays, she had decided to see Kitty.

While her first choice was automatically to spend the holidays with Santana, that wasn't to be; as Santana had been rather distant since she arrived back a month ago. Quinn had kept in contact with her, about their trip; and a daily update on Santana; and even she couldn't come up with any idea about why Santana was being distant.

Letting out a deep sigh, Brittany looked down at the snowman she was trying to make, before pushing the head off until it fell on to the ground.

"What's wrong?" Kitty asked, with a concerned face

"What's the point, Kit?" Brittany asked

Kitty furrowed her eyebrows; in confusion; "What are you on about, B? I'm not a mind reader."

"Waiting for Santana. I mean... Why?" Brittany asked

"You love her, B..." Kitty replied, with a small smile; "I'm sure you just miss her."

"Of course I miss my wife... I just... What if all I'm waiting for is a divorce?" Brittany asked

"She loves you, right? She's told you this..." Kitty said

"She loved me years ago. It's stupid to be apart. I love her; I wanna be with her." Brittany replied; "I don't wanna waste time when I could be with her."

"Well, maybe you need to talk to Santana." Kitty mumbled

Brittany sucked in a sharp intake of breath; "I can't... I don't wanna seem like I'm rushing her... because she might regret even wanting to be with me."

"Well, you deserve to know where things stand." Kitty added as she turned and walked inside the house.

Brittany sighed deeply; and dug into her pocket before flipping out her phone. Wasting no time, she began calling Santana.

"Hey, it's me." Brittany said when she heard Santana pick up

"I know, caller ID." Santana replied

"Oh... Yeah." Brittany mumbled

"Is there something wrong?" Santana asked

"No." Brittany said, slightly confused that Santana would ask her that; "I'm actually calling to see if you were okay..."

"Yeah, I'm... okay." Santana finally settled on saying

"Okay... Just okay?" Brittany mumbled in response

"Yeah, I'm okay. What else do you expect me to say?" Santana asked

Brittany sighed; "How are your parents?"

"My dad's been ignoring me for the past few hours... and my mom keeps asking about us." Santana said

Brittany nodded to herself, crunching on the snow. She tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, B..." Santana murmured

"Are you free for New Years?" Brittany asked

"I should be..." Santana said

"Can... Can we spend it together?" Brittany asked

Brittany bit the inside of her cheek as she heard Santana sigh deeply.

"That... It sounds good." Santana finally said

"You don't have to, San." Brittany offered halfheartedly

"No, I want to... We haven't seen each other in a while." Santana replied; "It will be fun."

"I've missed you." Brittany murmured

"I've missed you, too." Santana said softly

Brittany rubbed the back of her neck; "See you soon?"

"I'll see you soon." Santana replied

* * *

31st December 2021

Brittany released a shaky breath as she sat beside Santana; she watched as Santana rubbed her hands together. "Are you cold?"

"It's fine." Santana mumbled as she took a small sip from her cup

Brittany placed her hand on Santana's lower back, over the material of her hoody. Santana eyed her slightly from the corner of her eye before tipping the cup back and sipping the cool liquid.

"The fireworks will start soon." Brittany muttered as she glanced down at her watch.

"Yeah..." Santana breathed out, looking over the surroundings; the snow which covered near enough everything.

"I should get a blanket... I mean... They will be on for a little while." Brittany mumbled, before standing up and walking inside.

Santana placed her cup beside her feet; running her fingers through her hair. Releasing a shaky breath, she gasped softly when she felt a blanket being placed across her shoulders.

"Thanks." Santana said

Brittany sucked her lips into her mouth before nodding lightly and sitting down beside her. "You're welcome."

Santana looked over at Brittany who was staring at her watch before instantly flicking her eyes to meet Santana.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked

Santana nodded silently, almost dumbly; "Yeah, B..."

Brittany's lips lifted up into a small smile; obviously glad by Santana's response. Brittany shifted closer to Santana, her knee pressing against Santana's. "I... I'm glad you came."

Santana smiled softly; "Me too..."

Brittany rolled the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth, trapping the skin as her eyes danced playfully over Santana's face. "You know... I've been really nervous... about tonight, today."

Santana smiled; "Really?"

"Yeah, I was so... worried." Brittany revealed

"You don't have to be worried about spending time with me..." Santana replied, leaning down to pick up her cup.

"Santana, things aren't the same between us, are they?" Brittany asked

"Aren't they?" Santana questioned, her eyebrows nearing together in a confused frown

"You've been turning me down. I... I love you." Brittany said

"And I love you, Britt... but look at us. We're... I'm terrible right now. Believe me when I say you do not want to be with me right now." Santana replied; "Britt, baby... Give me a little more time. I love you. That will always be true."

Brittany's head sunk a little, in disappointment.

"Britt, I'm not trying to hurt you." Santana said

"Well, you are, Santana. You're hurting me." Brittany replied

"Then maybe this was a bad idea." Santana snapped, standing up; and throwing the blanket on the ground; "I never should have came. I'm not ready to be with you. Just accept it. I'm not ready... You keep pushing me to be with you."

Brittany shook her head; "I'm not forcing you, Santana. I haven't forced you to do anything. I'm just... I want to know the truth."

"The truth is I'm not ready." Santana murmured softly

"And when will you be?" Brittany asked

"Britt, I can't... I don't know when I will be. I... I don't wanna rush things... but you keep pushing me." Santana said

"I'm not trying to." Brittany muttered

Santana ran her fingers through her hair, barely acknowledging the fireworks going off in the background until she turned to see them. Letting out a dry scoff; "Happy New Year, I guess?"

Brittany wiped her eyes softly; "I'm sorry..."

Santana sighed deeply, sitting beside Brittany; she placed her hand on Brittany's forearm. "No... I'm sorry. I'm not even thinking how difficult this is for you."

Brittany smiled weakly, covering Santana's hand; "You know I just want you... I don't care about the past."

"Britt, I'm not ready." Santana whispered, intertwining her fingers with Brittany's; "I want to be... but I can't rush this. I can't rush us, not like last time."

Brittany let out a disappointed sigh, letting her eyes turn to look at the last remaining fireworks still burning across the midnight sky. "I thought tonight was... I thought you were ready. I got... I got my hopes up, San. This is... I'm in this marriage too, Santana."

Santana cupped Brittany's cheek, gently turning her to look at her. "I'm sorry, baby... I really am."

"I'm in this marriage, and you're treating this like... It's just affecting you... I'm in this too." Brittany mumbled, her voice trembling on the last words

"Shush..." Santana whispered gently, letting her thumb come slowly across the curve of Brittany's cheekbone, wiping the light teardrops away; "I get it, sweetie... I understand."

"I need... reassurance." Brittany said; "I need to know that you're not gonna wake up one day, and ask me for a divorce... I need to know."

"I love you..." Santana said

Brittany ran her fingers through her hair; "I can't... I won't wait forever, Santana."

Santana nodded; rubbing her hands together; "I don't... I know you won't... And that's why I'm trying to figure myself out... Be better for you, for us."

"You've been trying for so long, Santana... And you can't keep stringing me along and expecting me to just be there when you figure your shit out. It's been three years, and we still aren't together... You've been with someone else in that time, while I've just waiting around like a puppy." Brittany said, watching as Santana looked away from her, wiping her eye with her forefinger; "I love you and I want to be with you, but maybe you don't want to be with me as badly as you say you do, or else it wouldn't be taking you so damn long to figure it out... What do you expect me to think, San?"

"I get why you think I'm stringing you along. But I'm not, Britt." Santana said, reaching over to grab Brittany's hand; "I love you... baby, I wouldn't be trying..."

"I'm tired of fucking waiting." Brittany snapped, pulling her hand away from Santana; "Three fucking years..."

Santana covered her mouth with her hand, as she turned away from Brittany; "Britt, I heard you the first time."

Brittany sighed; "I'm fed up, San... What am I waiting for? What-"

"I get it." Santana interrupted; "You don't wanna wait... And you shouldn't have to... I feel terrible for even asking you... but please."

"Santana, I don't even know what you have to figure out. What is there to figure out?" Brittany asked, her eyebrows slightly furrowing together in confusion. "I'm so... I'm so fucking confused, San... Like what are... Are you still trying to figure out how to forgive? Do you have to figure out if you even want to be with me? If you want someone else?"

"What! Britt, no... I don't want someone else... I want to be with you... It's me, I'm sorting myself out." Santana replied

Brittany sighed deeply, slapping her hands against her thighs; "Sorting yourself out? How Santana? By ignoring me... By trying to solve things by yourself..."

Santana released a sigh

Brittany licked her lips; "Santana, you've been trying to solve all these problems by yourself... and it hasn't been working. Our relationship is based on a partnership... and it just feels like I'm in this on my own, you know?"

"Britt, I want you to help. I do... but this isn't you, Britt." Santana said; "You love me, and you forgive me... Too easily, Britt... That makes me feel worse about myself."

"I... I wanna help." Brittany mumbled

"And you will... Baby, you're helping me so much by being like this... So understanding... It's helping me." Santana replied, reaching over for Brittany's hand; "You know this isn't permanent, I'm gonna be with you soon."

Brittany shook her head; "I love you, Santana... but I need you to be more... I need to know what's going on with you. I need you talk to me..."

Santana nodded, turning to place her hand on the top of Brittany's thigh; "I'll talk to you more. I promise... I will, baby."

"I swear, Santana... You need to try with me... I'm so out of loop with whatever is going on in your head." Brittany replied

"I'll be more... I'll talk to you..." Santana said softly, squeezing the musclaurly thigh underneath her fingertips; "I will be better at talking to you... I promise, baby. Just give me a chance, I'll fix myself, and I'll be a better wife."

Brittany let out a soft gasp; her eyes dancing from Santana's to the ground before reluctantly nodding. Santana smiled, pressing her forehead against Brittany, releasing a nervous breath.

"Thank you, baby..." Santana whispered


	25. Time is a path of unmeasurable pain

_A Big thank you to everyone who has continued to read this. I'm so thankful. :) _

_A huge thank you to bodybroke, who has been amazing._

_Enjoy :)_

* * *

14th February 2022

"I hate holidays." Brittany mumbled, clutching the stuffed teddy bear. She turned to meet Marley, eyeing up a love heart cushion.

"I heard you the first time." Marley mumbled, as she placed it back down; "Has she who shall not be named called you back?"

"Well, she sent me a text last night saying she'll call me sometime today." Brittany said, squeezing the stuffed bear before placing it down; "I mean... She didn't say a specific time... but things have been really good between us. We text frequently, call often."

"That's good... She's been distant with me and Jake..." Marley said softly, turning to Brittany; "I mean... I think she's been busy so I haven't pushed for an answer."

"She's been distant but I think she's coming back to herself." Brittany replied

Marley smiled softly; "That's good then..."

Brittany nodded; moving down the aisle to pick up a box of small love heart candles; "This crap makes me feel all funny inside... It feels stupid to be out shopping when... I have no one to shop for."

"You have Santana. I know she's going through... Something... but she loves you." Marley said

"Yeah, I know... I mean she's trying to sort herself out for me... Well, for us. There's no need. I love her..." Brittany replied

"Even after everything?" Marley asked, with a quirked eyebrow; "I mean... We all know about the Fran thing."

"She slept with someone else. It hurts to think about it." Brittany said, rubbing her temple; "But I don't care... I mean, I do... but I would love Santana whatever she did... I know she feels terrible, and I don't want her to."

Marley nodded, looking from the items to Brittany; "Look, Jake says Mike has been talking to her. She feels a lot better. She's been apologizing to all of us..."

Brittany smiled; "Maybe she's being herself now..."

Marley turned to Brittany with an assured smile; "Maybe, but... You don't believe that, do you?

"I just miss her, Marl... I don't want to believe that she's back to her normal self... I hate the fact she's changed. I don't want her to change." Brittany said, haphazardly knocking over a giant love heart cushion; "This day used to be the best... Birthdays were always surrounded with friends... so was Christmas..."

Brittany picked up a pair of socks with a smutty one liner written along the side; "Valentine's day was just for us... We could do whatever we wanted... Stay in bed all day, it was... beautiful. She was beautiful."

Marley smiled softly and gently squeezed Brittany's shoulder; "It must suck spending the day apart. I don't think changing is a bad thing, B. I mean you've changed and its a good thing."

"It does... I mean... I'm so sad all the time." Brittany revealed sadly, trying to send a small smile to Marley; "It sucks... spending time with her, knowing... It isn't the same, you know."

Marley nodded; "Look, Santana loves you... This isn't the end of you two... Not by a long shot. Have faith, Britt. She's trying..."

"I know... I love her even more for it..." Brittany said

Marley smiled softly; throwing it a box of chocolates into her basket; "It'll get easier..."

Brittany hummed but chosen not to say anything as she followed Marley around the busy shop for last minute gifts.

* * *

23rd March 2022

Santana sighed deeply, leaning backwards to stretch out the tired muscles in her back; just as she was about to log out of her computer; and go home, April leaned over her cubicle wall; a sly grin across her face which spelt trouble.

"Lopez, we're all heading to the bar after work. You in?" April asked

Santana released a sigh before reluctantly nodding; "Sure. I'm in."

April grinned in response; before popping back over to her side of the wall.

Within 10 minutes, the most of Santana's work floor had managed to find a bar which is literally just around the corner. April tugged Santana towards a table with the rest of the girls. Santana had never been one for mainly girl groups, and finds herself ducking out of the attention. She tried to blend out, avoiding most of the conversation by drinking more.

After stumbling to the bar for another drink, she released a deep sigh when she felt April tapping her arm as she sat down besides her.

"Tired?" April slurred, sipping from her near enough empty beer bottle

Santana nodded, licking her lips, the taste of tequila still lingering across her pouty lips. "Yeah... It's been a long week, you know..."

"Yeah." April replied, peeling the corner of her label off; "Can we get two more beers?"

"Thanks..." Santana murmured, as she took a quick sip of her newly served beer

"You know that girl has been checking you out since you arrived..." April murmured, glancing to the right.

Santana quickly turned and met blue eyes; she let her own eyes run down the rather appealing body before returning her gaze to her beer bottle.

"She's hot, Lopez." April's drunk voice slurred against her ear

Santana pulled away, and shook her head firmly; "Not interested."

April released a harsh laugh; "Come on... She's gorgeous... Well, the most gorgeous looking person in this place, excluding myself."

Santana released a small laugh; "You love yourself too much."

"Well, someone has too." April replied; "So no to the cute girl?"

"I'm married, April... I know... We're having... I'm having some problems, but I'm married, and I won't." Santana said, suddenly feeling extremely sober

April let out a loud snort; before sipping leisurely from her bottle; she slammed it down; before turning fully to face Santana; "I was married once... He was great until he wasn't..."

Santana sighed but nodded; "What happened?"

"His dad died... He was never the same, pushed me away and I guess I let him..." April drawled; before waving her hand away like that was the full story.

"Did you divorce?" Santana asked, running her forefinger along the rim of her bottle

April nodded; "We separated for a year or so... But that was a lie... Cause everyone knows separation is just leading up to a divorce..."

Santana let her eyes run down April's face, taking in everything which was there; she saw her future. A bitter woman, a bitter divorcee, a woman who spent her nights away from Brittany, a woman who spent her nights drunk, looking for random hook ups as her only form of contact with someone.

Santana looked down at the beer stained bar counter, and found herself missing Brittany more than ever.

17th May 2022

Santana rushed into the studio, tugging a strand of hair from her mouth as she tried to compose herself. Brittany had invited her to get dinner at the last minute. After leaving her new job, she had to take the subway back to Brooklyn, and ended up being tripped up as she walked up the stairs.

Santana couldn't see Brittany in the studio, and sat down on the floor to clean up the trail of blood coming from her knee. Wiping a napkin up her leg, she let out a gasp as the rough napkin scratched against her cut.

"Ouch, that looks nasty." Brittany said, walking out of the back room, wiping a towel against her neck; "How did that happen?"

"I tripped coming from the subway." Santana replied, looking at Brittany as she kneeled beside her, her slender fingers gently tilted her leg towards her.

"Do you wanna come upstairs and clean it up?" Brittany asked

"Uh… Yeah, thanks." Santana said

Brittany stood up and offered her hand for Santana to take it; "It's okay... I have to take a quick shower anyway."

Santana nodded and followed Brittany up to her apartment. Santana walked inside, looking around, as Brittany closed the door behind her.

"Wow, it looks nice." Santana said

Brittany smiled; "I'll get you a first aid kit."

Santana watched as Brittany walked out of the room, she sat down on the couch, and edged her leg away from the couch, fearing that blood might get on the fabric material.

Brittany returned waving the green box; "Here you go..."

Santana smiled; "Thanks."

"I'll go take a shower then... I'll be a few minutes." Brittany said

"Okay." Santana replied, gently wiping an alcohol pad against the cut, clearing up the blood, as Brittany turned and walked off, probably to the bathroom. Santana placed a plaster over the small cut and closed the first aid kit. Standing up, Santana walked towards the kitchen, she placed the box on the counter.

Santana turned round, and gasped lightly at the sight, Brittany was stood there, wearing just a towel. Santana's eyes shamelessly ran down Brittany's body. From the neck, where drops of water dripped from her hair, to the miles long legs which were barely hidden from the towel.

Santana licked her lips as her eyes darkened; Brittany cleared her throat, snapping Santana from her gazing.

"Sorry... I'll just get ready." Brittany replied, wearing a knowing smirk; as she turned and walked towards her bedroom.

Santana released a sigh as she leaned back against the counter, tapping her fingers against the counter top.

"Where do you wanna eat?" Brittany called from her bedroom

Santana glanced up at the sound of Brittany's voice, shifting to get a better view for when Brittany walked out; "I'm fine with whatever you want..."

"Okay, so... Chinese?" Brittany asked, walking out of her bedroom, whilst tugging a black jacket on.

"Erm... Yeah, sounds fine." Santana replied, barely lifting her eyes from Brittany's legs to meet her eyes.

"There's a great place round the corner..." Brittany explained as they made their way out of the apartment, and down towards the Chinese restaurant.

Santana felt Brittany's hand on her lower back as she opened the front door, easing her inside. Santana took a seat opposite Brittany, and took the menu Brittany offered.

"What do you feel like?" Brittany asked, looking down the different dishes; "I might get the spicy noodles..."

"Yeah, sounds nice." Santana replied, placing the menu down, and meeting Brittany's sparkling eyes; "You look... happier."

Brittany lowered the menu, her eyes moving from Santana; as she bit her bottom lip before releasing it with a small smile; "Thanks, San... I'll place our orders then... Do you want water or?"

"Water's great, thank you." Santana replied

Brittany stood up, and she gently squeezed Santana's shoulder as she passed towards the counter. Santana turned round, and met sight of Brittany talking to an aging Chinese man, directing him to what she wanted to order. Her eyes flickered to the side and she met sight of three guys sat in the corner, staring at Brittany's behind as they talked loudly to each other.

Santana's skin crawled in a total predictable way. It wasn't that it was guys checking Brittany out. It was human nature to find someone as beautiful as Brittany attractive; but that it was happening in the first place. Her inner jealousy purred as she snapped her head to look forward, knowing her anger would only spike if she continued watching them.

"Hey, it should be around 5 minutes." Brittany said, as she placed a glass of water in front of Santana before sipping her own glass as she sat down.

"Cool." Santana replied, tugging a straw out of the coverings; before placing it in her glass

"So your marketing job... It sounded good when you told me... How is it going?" Brittany asked, taking a sip from her glass

"Yeah, it's good..." Santana said; "I like it... I'm not really... It's more computer work than I'm used to... but it's going well."

Brittany smiled brightly, reaching over to squeezed Santana's hand; "That's great, San. I'm glad you're liking it."

Santana heard someone chuckle behind her; and in response tugged her hand from Brittany; she didn't want anyone to talk to them, or for anyone to comment.

Brittany's face fell when Santana pulled her hand away; she casted her eyes downwards and sighed disappointed. Did she think Santana would actually bother trying to improve their relationship? Was she expecting too much too soon? Santana did say she was trying.

"I'll go check on our meals." Brittany said, pushing herself off the table, and walking out rather quickly.

Santana leaned forward, rubbing her hand against her forehead; she released a shaky breath before drinking nearly half of her water. Releasing a pant, she placed the glass back down.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked quietly, leaning down to her ear; her hand resting against the top of Santana's back; she was slightly worried about Santana since she was acting slightly awkward.

"Yeah..." Santana said, shifting slightly in her seat; "I'm fine..."

Brittany nodded firmly; and slipped into her seat; her eyes running around the nearly empty restaurant, she landed on the young guys; and it clicked.

"Are you uncomfortable because they're... watching us?" Brittany asked

Santana shook her head far too quickly; she then let out a sigh; "Britt, they're checking you out... They have been since we fucking arrived."

Brittany clicked her tongue against her teeth; before glancing from the top of the table to Santana. "You're jealous."

Santana snapped her eyes to Brittany; "Do I have a reason to be jealous?"

Brittany sighed; "What?! No, San... I'm just... You know there's no reason to be jealous."

Santana shrugged indifferently, making Brittany huff disappointedly.

"I get the feeling too. Being jealous..." Brittany said, making Santana snap her eyes to hers; "Do I need to mention Fran or..."

Santana nodded, with a conflicted expression; "Britt, I don't... I don't have the right to be jealous, especially with my history... I practically cheated on you... And I feel terrible."

"Santana, you didn't cheat on me. I have never seen it as that... I just feel... I felt blindsided by you... You just decided to do something without even talking to me first. It made me feel like... you were a stranger. You're my wife, I should have been the first to know before you chose to do anything." Brittany replied; "Santana, it was like we went from a break, a break to work things out, to a break up, without you even bothering to tell me. You know that if I did that to you... You would have... You never would have forgiven me. It would have been a sign that I wasn't in our marriage... That's what it felt like. That you weren't in this with me anymore... and it hurt, San. It hurt so much."

Santana bit her bottom lip, taking Brittany's words to heart. She nodded firmly, feeling exactly the same. The way she had treated Brittany and the whole Fran situation was terrible. She didn't officially talk to Brittany, and can only image how that would have affected her. Finding out your wife was sleeping with someone else, the intense jealous was bubbling up inside Santana at even the thought of Brittany doing what she did.

Releasing a sigh, Santana rubbed her temple; "I know I was wrong... I should have talked to you, asked for a break before just plowing ahead without your... It was so... harsh, and I'm sorry, Britt."

Brittany sucked in a shaky breath before nodding; "I forgave you as soon as you... Honestly, it's not even about forgiveness. I understand."

"It doesn't make it better, Britt." Santana said, her tone sounding more heavy; she looked around, trying to avoid looking at Brittany, as she only felt more guilty. She noticed the waiter had placed their meals down in front of them. "Thanks..."

Brittany picked up her fork; and slipped a mouthful into her mouth, humming in approval of the sweet time surrounding her taste buds. "That's nice... How's yours?"

Santana nodded, wiping her mouth with a napkin; "Yeah, it's good..."

Brittany smiled, and took another bite; before glancing from her plate to Santana's face; "So... How are you... And me?"

Santana looked up at the implication of Brittany's words; she knew the intention behind Brittany's question. She was wondering about them, whether Santana was ready yet.

"I'm... Britt, there isn't a time... limit. I don't know when I'll be ready, but I want to be." Santana replied, placing her fork down; she shifted in her seat before focusing on Brittany's disappointed eyes; "Brittany, you know I would be with you tomorrow if I thought it would be different... But I know it won't be. I'm afraid that things will eventually... worsen."

Brittany licked her lips; "Santana, it won't. You're different... You don't think..."

"Britt, I blamed you. For everything, for ruining our marriage, for making me lose my job, for getting your own opportunities... I hated it... And that's on me. That's my fault... and I'm working on this..." Santana said

Brittany nodded, with a sad expression; "Santana, I've been waiting a long time... Some people wouldn't even be waiting for you if they were in my position... I'm not trying to be hurtful, but it's the truth... You were so quick to judge me, and I'm glad because I broke your trust and I hate that... But you're asking a lot of me, and you're not giving me anything."

Santana nodded, a flicker of understanding passing across her face.

"I just need to know what's going on inside your head... Santana, you used to tell me everything; and I'd hate for that to change permanently." Brittany added

"I know, I'll share more..." Santana said, releasing a shaky breath; "I feel really... guilty... about how I treated you; how I reacted... right at the start... I just ran away, and refused to deal with anything, and by doing that I didn't deal with anything... I just punished you... For lack of a better word... I hated that you got your dreams, and that was so incredibly childish of me... And I'm sorry..."

Brittany nodded, leaning over to take Santana's hand, albeit reluctantly. "Carry on."

"I just... I hate that you're this understanding, Britt. You shouldn't be like this... You should hate me. I expect it." Santana added, rubbing the back of her neck; "I can't understand my behavior, Britt... And I can't accept it... So why the hell do you?"

"Because I love you, Santana... And I always have." Brittany replied honestly; "You're perfect to me... In an imperfect way... and I love that. Because I love you."

Santana smiled watery; her fingers slipping to entwine with Brittany; "I love you, too..."

"And I get it, San... You need a little time to forgive yourself... And I can get that. I had to forgive myself. You know, for choosing to be honest with someone else. God, you know how I hated that... I hated hurting you, it killed me to see you upset. Santana, I... I was so honest with you about everything after that." Brittany said, rubbing her jaw; she sighed; "I felt so lost and I should have came to you about everything... And I know that, now. That's why I'm trying to make an effort now."

Brittany scratched the back of her neck; "Santana, are you doing this to punish me? I mean... This waiting is killing me."

"What? Britt, no... This is not a punishment. I'm not trying to punish you... I promise you, baby." Santana said, reaching over to take Brittany's hand; "The waiting... I'm sorry, if this is hurting you."

Brittany sighed, rubbing her temple; "I understand waiting... I just... I'm trying to understand, San."

"Thank you... For being you... I know it's hard to understand, so thank you." Santana said

Brittany grinned before placing some money on the check; "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'll walk you back." Santana said

Brittany smiled; and walked out of the restaurant along side Santana. Within a few minutes, they arrived back at the door of the studio, Brittany sent a soft smile to Santana as she leaned against the door frame.

"Thank you for... dinner. It was great." Brittany said, scratching her forefinger against the crackled paint along the door frame.

"You paid, Britt. I should be thanking you." Santana replied

Brittany smiled; "Maybe you could repay me... by agreeing to lunch next time..."

"That sounds great, actually." Santana replied; "We'll talk... and set it up. I'm free next week and stuff... So."

"Awesome." Brittany said, biting her bottom lip

Santana nodded; "I should go... I have a ton of work to finish checking. I'll call you soon."

Brittany smiled; "See you soon, San."

Santana nodded, and gently leaned in, pressing her lips to Brittany's cheek; "I'll call you."

Brittany watched Santana turn around before turning to open the door.

"Britt." Santana called, from about two doors down

"Yeah...?" Brittany replied

"You... You have no idea how proud I was... I mean... You going on tour... I was so fucking proud of you." Santana said, walking back towards Brittany; her hand coming up to cup Brittany's cheek; "You were living your dream without me, and even though I hated it... I was still so proud of you."

Brittany grinned happily; "Thanks, San... That means so much."

Santana leaned in and wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck, squeezing tightly; as she sniffed softly. "I don't want you to not be proud of your... accomplishments. You're a great dancer, and you deserved all the success you got."

Brittany smiled softly, wiping her hands together; "San, I never wanted to live my dream without you. I wanted you there. I want us to do this together... You know that's what I wanted, right?"

Santana nodded; "Yeah, Britt... I know you wanted that."

Brittany smiled; "Call me for lunch, okay?"

"Sure..." Santana replied, walking away

* * *

6th July 2022

"Happy anniversary, ma..." Santana said, leaning over to kiss Maribel's cheek; "It's good to see you."

The relationship between Santana and Maribel had actually improved drastically; even though they kept contact to a minimum, every month or so, a phone call was shared between the two to ensure that they were informed about each other's life.

The relationship between Santana and George was less than frayed; they hardly spoke until Santana counted the comments George made in the background where she called her mother. They were just two different people, and the bonding was just never there.

Maribel smiled brightly; as she resumed the hug; "Thanks for coming, Ana... You said that you were bringing Brittany, have you?"

"She was busy, work... but she sends her love to you both..." Santana replied

Maribel hummed in thought; "Are you two in a better place?"

"We're talking more, I'm being more honest... We're happier..." Santana said

Maribel smiled, rubbing Santana's arm; "I'm glad you two love each other. It would be terrible for you not to work it out."

Santana nodded; "I'm gonna grab a drink. I'll talk to you some more soon."

"Santana, can you talk to your father? I know you two don't get along but... I know you two miss each other." Maribel said

"I'll try, Ma." Santana replied

"Thank you." Maribel called as Santana smiled, walking towards the kitchen.

Santana grabbed a can of coke before turning and walked out towards the garden. She sat down on the porch, and watched the wind move.

A rough cough caused her both to turn round to the person.

"Can I have a minute with you?" George asked softly, his deep brown eyes glancing from the floor to Santana, he was trying to gauge her answer.

"Erm, sure..." Santana said

George huffed loudly as he took a seat beside Santana who blatantly shifted to increase the space between them. George rubbed his jaw, letting his fingers scratch against his barely there stubble.

"Your mother told me about you and Brittany. The problems... You're both having." George said, trying to keep his voice calm; "I thought we could talk."

Santana scoffed lightly; "If you wanna rub dirt in the wound, go ahead."

"I'm not a bad person, Santanita... I know we haven't gotten along for years but you're still my child, I still love you." George said softly, gently reaching out to grab Santana's hand; he squeezed her hand; "Can I tell you something?"

Santana sighed; before nodding; "Sure, dad."

George gently ran his thumb along a small scar along the knuckle of Santana's left hand; "You remember when you got that scar?"

"I fell off my bed..." Santana said, looking down at the scar

"Santanita, I've talked to your mother, and we both agreed that you deserve to know now." George said; "Your mother thinks it'll help you understand things differently."

Santana furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as her dad released a deep sigh.

"Your mother was involved in an affair... Do you remember when you fell from your bed, and I took you to the hospital... Do you remember when your mother came to the hospital?" George asked

Santana looked away from her father's gaze, as she tried to remember it; she was about 11 when the fall happened. She remembered panicking for her mother; begging her father for her. She couldn't remember her mother being at the hospital.

"She never came, did she?" Santana asked; "I can't remember her there... What are you trying to say? Mom was cheating on you when I was younger, for how long?"

"She never got the messages about you because she was busy with him... It ended after that. She was... So upset that you could have got hurt and she wouldn't be there for you." George said

"How long did it last?" Santana asked

"I never asked. I didn't want to know." George replied gruffly; shrugging his shoulders; "What I want you to know is that I love your mother so much, and I forgave her."

"I was eleven, dad. How could I never know she was cheating? You two acted... You were so in love together. I know that. I remember that." Santana replied firmly, not understanding how something so important wasn't made into such a big thing.

"I did love her, Santana. She loved me, too. You didn't know because we felt it wasn't fair to put you through that. You idolized your mother, Santana. You always have. It would have been cruel for you to lose both parents as role models." George said, gently squeezing Santana's hand; "We weren't the type to shout and argue about everything... I'm not the type to fight, especially with your mother."

Santana released a disappointed sigh; "Why didn't you move out? Why did you stay?"

"Because I still loved her, Santana. I loved Maribel... I always have. I could never leave her; and I couldn't leave you either." George replied; "We agreed to see a couples therapist... And we worked together on fixing our marriage, because that's what you do when you want to be together. You do everything in order to fix it."

Santana nodded firmly; she couldn't help but compare her mother and father's relationship to her and Brittany's. Both of them had gone through some problems. She felt her father's words hit her hard. She hadn't worked with Brittany to fix their marriage; she had tried to fix it single handedly; refusing Brittany's help. Suddenly, she felt like such a fool, she had no clue how badly she had handled this whole situation. If her father had moved out, like she had practically done, nothing would have been solved, which is exactly what had happened with her. Nothing had been solved, and she had just ran away from dealing with everything. Leaving Brittany to handle everything on her own.

"Dad, I'm so sorry." Santana said

George laughed softly; "Santana, none of this was your fault. Your mother felt guilty for it; but we worked through it. She thinks you deserve to know. Santana, you're wasting time, honey. Brittany is a great woman, she loves you. You've both made mistakes... But you're never gonna forgive yourself, not without help with Brittany. It's a partnership, Santanita. You both need to work together."

Santana nodded softly

"I've made such a mess... I'm just scared, dad. I'm scared of us getting back together, working out our problems, and then we still don't fix things. That... We're not meant to be together. I hate fearing that she's gonna find someone else... Someone who is better for her." Santana said

George sighed as Santana fell against his chest, crying against his pale blue shirt; He comfortingly rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"Ana, you know that's never gonna happen. Brittany loves you, she wouldn't be waiting for you if she didn't think you were worth it." George murmured, squeezing Santana's shoulder; "Kiddo, there's never gonna be the right time to be together again... You're just wasting precious time. You only have one life... you need to start living it."

"You're right, dad... Do you mind if I use your office?" Santana asked

George nodded; "Go ahead."

Santana stood up, wiping her eyes; she walked towards the door before turning round and wrapping her arms around her father's neck; hugging her tightly; "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Santana." George replied

Santana kissed his cheek softly; before walking into the house; she arrived at George's office; she closed the door behind her before sitting in his chair.

She grabbed the phone before placing it down. It felt impersonal to ask for Brittany to take her back over the phone. She grabbed a sheet of paper. Although it wasn't the best thing to write for Brittany to take her back; she knew it would be romantic. Well, she hoped.


End file.
